Looking for support

[ATLThrash]

Hello all-- I first visited this site when I was trying to get my binge drinking under control-- about a year ago I think. I was pretty successful in doing that with alot of support on the boards even if I did not post-- I found the info that was shared was so applicable to me. I had a few slips but in the most part was proud that I cut down. It was a good thing because my husband seemed like he was at his wits end. It was clear I had waited too long to address what had happened in his book so he was not going to be very tolerant of any other slips or other shows of what he who is not alcoholic would consider weakness or lack of willpower. He understands intellectually (or claims he does) that alcoholism is a disease but that still does not keep him from thinking it is one that can be overcome with will and determination. I am sure that his view is reinforced by the fact that for the most part it seemed that that was how I was drinking less. I also had been prescribed benzos for anxiety-- really overprescribed I soon learned-- and took myself off of them cold turkey-- have not touched them since nor havea I wanted to.

The problem is that upon waking on New Years I did what everyone should not do and got on the scale. I have been very unhappy with my weight since I had my son who is now 5.5 years old. That was probably in large part my excuse to drink-- I did not look like the old 130 pound me and felt lost. I am a stay at home mom so there was never really a big reason to get into fitted clothes. Well, I foudn out that clearly I have traded one addiction for another-- replacing booze with food-- I had gained 16 pounds since June of this year. I have so much to lose now I feel helpless (all told 60 pounds). When I mentioned this to my husband he just sighed heavily, looked mad and resigned and told me that he was sick of hearing of my problems -- that he has them too and does not feel as if he can express them because of me. I said nothing because I guess I can see his point though if I ever said anything like that to him he woudl hit the roof-- I just took it because it seems all I do is cause problems-- I feel unworthy of support and respect at this point from anyone. I decided that I would just stop the booze all the way because it could not be helping the weight. I signed up for fresh meal delivery (saved a bunch of money out of my household account to do it) to control calories. I am so depressed though-- it just feels like I have bounced from one failure to another in the last 6 years. I could use a little support-- especially from low 40s moms or those who gained alot from baby then booze (and hopefully got it off)-- I have pushed my husband too far but I also know I can't do this alone. I keep up a front but as soon as my son and husband go out of the house I just sob that it has come to this.

Sorry for rambling. I am sure I am not the only one who has had this problem-- it just feels like it!

[brightlite]

Looking for support

ATLThrash,

I'm late 40's and a working Mom but understand your feelings and frustrations. You sound like you made some steps in the right direction. I assume that your child goes to school? What do you do with your day? Do you belong to a gym? Can you take a class or get into something that gets you out of the house and active. That will build up self-esteem and energize you so you will be able to tackle the other issues. It can all be overwhelming sometimes, but make sure and make time for yourself...to make yourself feel special. If you start feeling good....it may rub off on everyone in the family. Use that momentum and make it work for you.

You have to make the change because not changing and being miserable about it...just won't work. Do something good for yourself every day!

[Seethepony]

Looking for support

I'm afraid I can only sympathise with your husband. There is nothing more tedious than being asked by one's wife every few days "I lost some weight, did you notice?" when there is no visible difference. If you say "Yes" it's a lie, if you say "no" the next three days are hell...

My wife also put on a bit of weight since having our baby. This is, I believe, a normal part of human biology. In any case. I really couldn't care less about it, it doesn't trouble me a bit. She has slowly learned that the only annoying thing about it is her banging on about it; the less she goes on about it, the less of a problem it is for both of us. I'm sure your husband's peeve is not your weight, but the topic of your weight, which can't be changed by whining about it.

The annoying thing is these daft celebrity pictures - "Only 2 weeks after delivering twins, blah blah is shows off her bikini body..." - Fact is, most of these celebs get caesarian sections so they can conveniently get all that fat sucked out while the umbilical cord is being cut. Stop reading those crappy magazines and the world looks a lot better. You're a normal human being. The body changes with time. Don't go mental trying to stop it, but if you do, do it quietly!

[christyacc]

Looking for support

ATLThrash;1034335 wrote: Hello all-- I first visited this site when I was trying to get my binge drinking under control-- about a year ago I think. I was pretty successful in doing that with alot of support on the boards even if I did not post-- I found the info that was shared was so applicable to me. I had a few slips but in the most part was proud that I cut down. It was a good thing because my husband seemed like he was at his wits end. It was clear I had waited too long to address what had happened in his book so he was not going to be very tolerant of any other slips or other shows of what he who is not alcoholic would consider weakness or lack of willpower. He understands intellectually (or claims he does) that alcoholism is a disease but that still does not keep him from thinking it is one that can be overcome with will and determination. I am sure that his view is reinforced by the fact that for the most part it seemed that that was how I was drinking less. I also had been prescribed benzos for anxiety-- really overprescribed I soon learned-- and took myself off of them cold turkey-- have not touched them since nor havea I wanted to.

The problem is that upon waking on New Years I did what everyone should not do and got on the scale. I have been very unhappy with my weight since I had my son who is now 5.5 years old. That was probably in large part my excuse to drink-- I did not look like the old 130 pound me and felt lost. I am a stay at home mom so there was never really a big reason to get into fitted clothes. Well, I foudn out that clearly I have traded one addiction for another-- replacing booze with food-- I had gained 16 pounds since June of this year. I have so much to lose now I feel helpless (all told 60 pounds). When I mentioned this to my husband he just sighed heavily, looked mad and resigned and told me that he was sick of hearing of my problems -- that he has them too and does not feel as if he can express them because of me. I said nothing because I guess I can see his point though if I ever said anything like that to him he woudl hit the roof-- I just took it because it seems all I do is cause problems-- I feel unworthy of support and respect at this point from anyone. I decided that I would just stop the booze all the way because it could not be helping the weight. I signed up for fresh meal delivery (saved a bunch of money out of my household account to do it) to control calories. I am so depressed though-- it just feels like I have bounced from one failure to another in the last 6 years. I could use a little support-- especially from low 40s moms or those who gained alot from baby then booze (and hopefully got it off)-- I have pushed my husband too far but I also know I can't do this alone. I keep up a front but as soon as my son and husband go out of the house I just sob that it has come to this.

Sorry for rambling. I am sure I am not the only one who has had this problem-- it just feels like it!

Oh WOW! Do I ever know how you feel!!! I was a stay at home mom of 3 daughtersfor years!!! My drinking didn't start then, but just after. My husband doesn't understand drinking issues at all. He has seen me drinking on and off for a few years now. He gets frustrated as well.

I gained tons from my kids but have lost, and then gained, then lost and finally gained from drinking. I have a good 50-60lbs to lose, and I know if I can cut back or even stop drinking I can lose it.......this is where I am at this point.....

So I too look for support for the very same reasons.....I am 39, I will be 40 in 4 months and just want to look decent for my birthday, but not only that, I want to not be this binge drinker as well.

:lI totally understand where you are at.

[ATLThrash]

Looking for support

I actually never ask my husband if I have lost because I know I haven't (LOL). I think I was so fixated on solving the booze problem that I just did not pay attention to the other though it made me crazy-- I figured one thing at a time but now I wish I had not thought that! My son is in school now-- the last few months I spent getting on the wagon so to speak and making sure I was off those anxiety meds for good (the withdrawl was very bad for those). I am pretty isolated without my husband and child in the day so a gym or even a walk outside might help me find other people. I was previously an attorney before my son was born-- I found it a very stressful job though I had alot of success in it--now I have agreeed to help our county DAs office on appellate briefing but the job is alot of reading and research which is solitary.

You may have apoint about the complaining being a peeve-- but it did feel more like he was acting as if I had used up the entire bank of goodwill with the drinking and that it all needed to go smoothly from now on (hence the comment about him not being able to say he has a problem).

[mollyka]

Looking for support

ATL, I think the previous poster demonstrates the insensitivity of men - precisely what you've been writing about.
I'm older than your preferred profile - I'm low 50's - but was always tall and slim. With my 4th baby the weight started piling on - I'm nearly 6ft tall and always weighed round 145 -155 lbs - prettly slim cos I have a big frame. I eventually reached about 210 lbs 2 yrs ago and I truly felt miserable. I now weigh 145 lbs, definitely because of not drinking, its not just the empty calories of alcohol, it is the shite we eat when we even have one or two drinks. Example - I drank on Sat. for the first time in 8 months or so, on that day I ate 2 croissants, large spaghetti bolognaise and a humungous Kingburger (double sort of thing) and large fries and heaps of sweets + booze. Jeez I wouldn't eat that much in a week normally! By the way my husband is being a prick at the moment too so my tolerance of men is rather low at the moment. Cheer up, once you start loosing the weight you'll feel so much better.
Molly

[ATLThrash]

Looking for support

Christy-- When is your bday? Mine is in May-- I want to resemble a human by then (ha). I will be happy to support you-- I just keep telling myself that Jennifer Hudson was the exact same size as me when she started Weight Watchers and now she is where I want to be and it did not take her forever (of course I am a bit older so that may make a difference)

[mollyka]

Looking for support

sorry Christy, xpost, obviously wasn't referring to you as the 'previous poster'. The utter intolerance of 'nonproblem' drinkers to alkies is very hard to take. My husband was drunk at least twice - talking loud, red face, repeating himself etc and I'm supposed to listen to it all with patience and sweetness.............not!!!

[ATLThrash]

Looking for support

I am very happy to hear that knocking off the booze completely helped-- I am about 5'7" to 5'8", medium framed and look pretty good at 130 to 135. That is 60 lbs from here though! As for he male poster-- I am sure what he said has some validity-- since I am a woman I cannot imagine what it feels like to be a man and hear from us about our weight. My husband needs to lose about 30 pounds-- he has gained a ton from drinking Irish whiskey-- he can't use me as an excuse since I don't drink spirits but at times I think he does blame me (for stressing him out so much that he goes for teh bottle) I am not one to give anyone advice when it comes to cutting down on booze so I don't say anything to him about it.

[Ringing Cedars]

Looking for support

Yay Molly! Good to see you have your mojo back. I was biting my tongue. Clearly empathy was lacking with mentioned post. I think it's great that you have lost that weight too. I am about 15 pounds overweight now and don't want to stay here. I'm about to hit 51 and you have just helped my resolve. xo

[Chillgirl]

Looking for support

ATL - I just want to offer you my support, im in your age bracket but not a mum but I do sympathize as I think Seethepony had a good point about the pressure we are all under given the media attention to celebrities and their bodies.

I have discovered since using ODAT to deal with the booze its also a perfect method to deal with all aspects of life! Just take it one day at a time, if you look at the bigger picture it always seems insurmountable so just take babysteps. think to yourself "what can I do today to make a difference?" and that might be getting to the gym or out for a brisk walk. The exercise will automatically make you feel better about yourself. I dont know if you are interested in yoga but I find that after a class I feel so in tune with my body I am less inclined to overeat, it make me want to eat healthily and I have heard others say the same.

[RudyB]

Looking for support

hi atlthrash
i'm a 41 yr old single mom of a 4 yr old boy. i work full time, and am af for three days. i, too, just got on the scale and didn't like what i saw. not horrible, but had 'accidentally' somehow without noticing, put back on 15 of the 20 baby pounds i had lost. i'm now back up to 160 at 5 ft 7 inches. i miss that 145. am going for 140. it was the booze, i know it! i am glad for you that that's not the current problem. for me, as in another post above, i'd drink my pint of vodka or six beers and then get famished. yum yum yum was whatever indiscriminate food i'd find available. my solution? i'm eating like a hog at work, when im most hungry. (i teach middle schoolers.) then, at home i am starting a habit of eating light, lots of salad and tea and h2o. i hope this and exercise will do the trick. i am sure that not consuming that extra thousand or so calories in booze will also help!!!

you are surely not alone. no way no how. be patient with yourself. maybe you could find some activities -visits to the gym for example, that will not only boost your metabolism, but also help you feel REALLY GOOD! i'm sure you're familiar with the dozens of weight-loss tricks, so i won't tell you what else i can think of.

also, i am sure that for my hubby my drinking was teh core of our separation; the lack of trust that came from my hiding my drinking, my unattractiveness because of my "weakness". for me, his obsession with his martial art, at the expense of a committment to his family, was the deal breaker. not to mention his opinionated, inflexibility, and his dark view of the world, his negativity and constant naysaying. but i digress...

i'm all for you and your journey into being who you want to be -and how you want to look. keep your chin up. you are not alone. you will come through this.

all the best.
rudy b

[Mish]

Looking for support

Hi ATLThrash, don't sell yourself short. You've done an awesome job moderating your drinking so give yourself the credit you deserve. AL robs us of our self esteem and self worth completely and leaves us depressed and despairing.
You are not your height, your weight or any of these external things. You are the person inside, and you need to work on that aspect before you are going to have the weight come tumbling off. If you can tap into your 'inner child' and nurture yourself and give yourself all the love and acceptance you need, the rest becomes much easier. Building confidence in who you are rather than what you look like will be a driving force. Sixty pounds isn't that much! Some people have much more to lose and succeed. You can do it too.
Stick around here more often. We're all ready, willing and able to encourage you and build you up. Negative people, like your husband seems to be, will only drag you down and drain your energy. Do you have a hobby or activity you enjoy? Getting back into that (or starting it) will give you impetus and confidence, too.
Wishing you all the best.

[allswell]

Looking for support

Hi ATLThrash,

I'm not your demographic but would like to add something Wayne Dyer said which was "a thousand mile journey begins with the first step". We can't take on everything at once, start with the battles that can be easily won, get the confidence you need, and move forward alittle more with your plan. Each small step will eventually achieve your goal even though on a daily basis it doesn't seem like your accomplishing much. Best to you.

[mylife]

Looking for support

Hi Everybody,

Atl, I have to agree with Molly. You'll see when you stop drinking the weight just starts to go away. The booze has a gazillion calories and then the foods we eat when we're drinking and "just don't care" adds that many more. I need to lose about 15 lbs, too -- but my husband could care less and really so could I...I just want to be healthy. And for me, that means no drinking.

Good luck with your journey and welcome!