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[chartreuse_lily]

I stopped drinking at the end of November and since then I've been more or less avoiding my boyfriend.

He's a decent guy but I don't think he really believes that I'm an alcoholic. He things I need to drink less, but doesn't see why I should stop completely and forever (which I am determined to do). I'm afraid to go over to his place. I know there's still a 5 liter box of wine waiting in the fridge and a bong under the sink (he's a daily pot smoker).

He wanted me to come over today and I almost had a panic attack before opting out. Now he wanted to "talk about where are relationship is going".

I really have no clue.

In addition to stopping drinking, I went off anti-depressants about 4 weeks ago. Since then I've become severely depressed and find it very difficult and stressful to interact with anyone. I have absolutely nothing to say.

I started taking anti-depressants again today, I'm hoping they'll help and that when I'm not depressed I'll feel stronger and better able to cope with temptation but right now it really feels like there's no way I'm going to be able to keep up the relationship which upsets me. I want my life to open up in sobriety but right not it feels like it's closing down.

[medic]

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Hi Char,

that reads like a pretty sad situation. My gut reaction was put as much distance as you can between yourself and your boyfriend. My experience with pot smokers is that they are incapable of being serious people. This is generalising obviously.

I think staying on your meds is a good idea. Clearly alcohol is not a good replacement if you're depressed. Your boyfriend, if he really cares about you, will give you what you need to get better. Ensure you are communicating what you need though! If he doesn't really know you can't judge him, you know?

Best of luck - PM me if you want some support.

med+c

[rebirth]

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chartreuse,

My BF and I did not relate at the beginning of my AF journey. He didnt think I had a problem and I had issues that he was still drinking in my company. It was a bit of a mess. I even saw him as a trigger because we always use to get wasted together ( except that I would carry on the following day).

We didnt see eye to eye and we argued alot as we both tried to readjust to the changes. But it's working now..I suppose it depends how much you want this.

I was determined to live my life without drinking and if I wasnt getting the support from my partner then I just knew that we were going to part. I dont know. It's a tough one...time will tell, eh.

Good that you are on the anti depressants though. That should help you find more clarity.

[Rags]

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Hi Chartreuse,
First, congratulations on going AF. That's a wonderful thing.
From what you've said in your post it seems that perhaps you may want to end that relationship, but don't know how to go about it.
I think it would be hard for you to continue the relationship as there'd be a lot of pressure around you.... booze, bongs, boyfriend not fully understanding your motivation and so on.
Your life won't close down , it will take new directions.
You've taken the first strides along a new pathway. Why not walk along a bit more and see where it leads?
Give yourself time to let the antidepressants to kick in and see how you feel before making any HUGE decisions.

Take care.

[rebirth]

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I married a pot smoker for nine years...he was extremely intoxicating in both good and bad ways. I personally dont think it was doing him any good what so ever. Like drinking AL on a daily basis. not good.

[Cassia]

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Hi chartreuse,

I am by no means an expert on relationships but I just wanted to offer you my insight.

I think if you have been honest with yourself and know what you want then you now have to be honest with him and explain your reasons. He will either respect that and support you or won't. If he doesn't then you ultimately want different things and it is never going to work.

To me, I am more concerned about your depression. Why did you stop taking your tablets? Are u seeing a counsellor as well as taking anti depressants. My experience is that therapy is a critical part of treating depression so I hope you are getting the support you need. I have come out the other side from it and I know how much of a struggle depression is. But you will get there. You just have to believe in yourself and make the right choices for u.

Happy to chat in pm if you just want a rant or a gab.

L x

[Seethepony]

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It's over, move on.

[rebirth]

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Seethepony;1034994 wrote: It's over, move on.

An AA member told me the same about my relationship. She was so wrong.

[Kimberley]

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Lily,
It's funny because for months I have been having issues with my bf drinking every day - not loads, but still eVERY day and then wasted at the weekend. I have found it so difficult that it has got me angry enough to relapse a few times now.

He told me he wanted to break up just before xmas as he couldn't cope with me always going on mad binges and then days of withdrawal. I was devastated because I am totally in love with him. He is perfect apart from his own drinking habit being unhelpful to me - I begged him not to leave and went on another major binge.

But a week on, despite still being devastated I am kind of thinking it might be the best idea after all. I am just learning that in early recovery you have to make sobriety your number one priority, almost to the point of obsession, letting nothing and noone get in the way of it. If it feels like he would hamper your recovery, I would say let it go.

Your choice but make the best one for you and your sobriety.
I feel for you,
K x

[chartreuse_lily]

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Thank you everyone for your input. I think right now the best thing to do is to wait until my anti-depressants kick in and I'm feeling a little more stable before I actually make a decision about this (or much of anything else for that matter).