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[madmans]

not drinking 24 7 but cant get started/stopped. xmas was fairly dry so was new years . nobody to blame but myself. told my wife about five years ago about my problem but it never seemed to hit home( truth be told i told her about 8 years ago). i think she would like someone that can go out and party. on newyears eve/ day after me sitting sober with her family she still walked in and tried to hand me a glass of bubbley at 12/ hammer time . you would think that if a partner/ other half said they had a problem you might help, then again she has never seen me at my worst. how many people has told there OH about this site. i think it might help her understand

[jennyneric]

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Madmans, my husband drinks and our computer is in the livingroom so he watches me on here all night. I have replaced tv with MWO! He to said " you can have one or two" on xmas eve. I just said "no I can't " and that was that. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but you know what to do! One foot infront of the other ODAT

[janka]

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What is "OH?" Do it for yourself. Period. Do you need (not want) to feel better or not? It takes time. It's entirely up to you, and sadly enough, with or without your wife's support., but you do have the unfailing support of those of us at MWO. Hang in there, and post to let us know how you are and how you are feeling, j

[fennel]

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My partner knows about this site, madmans...talk with your wife and tell her that you really need her help and full cooperation in this endeavor. You can stop and stay stopped! :l

[madmans]

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hears the thing Jenny i feel an openess that i cant express at home here. i would like my wife to see all i post, all my feelings but shit. how many times do you have to tell someone its a problem

[madmans]

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thanks Fennel did it help her/him understand

[Mish]

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I tend to agree with Fen. It's hard for 'normal' drinkers to understand what we experience when we have cravings or what it feels like when we take that first drink, but if they can come to appreciate that it's a real problem for us and we're trying to overcome it for them (as well as ourselves) and have a better life it makes it a whole lot easier.
My Mum and my friends are aware of what I'm doing here and it's helped them to be more insightful and supportive.
Whether or not you tell her about MWO or not, you're doing this for you ultimately, and you can't let anything or anyone come between you and your sobriety. I think you've been doing an awesome job so far, so keep up the good work, madmans.

[Accountable for Me]

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madmans, I believe that some people will never understand what the 'problem' is, especially if they have never seen anyone in 'that' state before. It is incomprehensible to some. Kind of like when someone says they need to cut down or cut out a certain food to maintain weightloss?

I think in your situation, you should just stick to your guns and do what you feel is best for you. Once you turn down a drink or 20, the person will stop offering and will start to take your commitment serious.

I am fairly certain that once she realizes how serious you are, she will start to understand in some way where you are coming from, and will support you.

[mylife]

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Hi MM,

Hang in there. My husband vascillates between saying he never wants me to drink (when I am drinking) to saying "Can't you just have one?" when I'm not. Really, it's not their problem, it's our problem. They don't need to understand, we just need to be firm in our committment to ourselves. If we just become "non drinkers" for long enough, then I think our Spouses will appreciate the new us. It's an adjustment for them, too as they're losing their "party buddy" but I think at least for me, the things my family will gain with me sober will far outweigh that!

[Kimberley]

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God, why are people like that. If you think you have a problem with alcohol then you definitely do. End of! Could you explain to her how bad things have been if she hasn't seen them for herself? I feel for you because it's difficult when people try to force alcohol on you.

[madmans]

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she has seen me drunk. crying because i'm drunk and sick because i was drunk. we had a talk today about goings to a friends house in about 6/7 weeks with friends and i know its just a big sesson my wife does not know how to say no
But i do

[mylife]

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MM,

So sorry you are going through this. Maybe try to have a real talk with her while you're not drinking and educate her about this problem. It's really hard for people who don't understand.

Hang in there! Your life will only get better with sobriety.

[TheSunFlower]

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So understand

My husband wants me to quit. But, he would love it if I could have one or two (once in a grat while) and get that carefree feeling. But, now he is understanding that is nothing but a wish in the end.

I find it interesting when I meet people who married alkies. I did just the opposite. And neither is a easy road to travel.

[Bean]

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I understand your frustration MM. I told my ex near the start of our relationship that I had a problem with alcohol but he never ever took it seriously. In fact, he would even try to tempt me with drinks when he knew I was trying not to drink on a week night. When we eventually broke up and I raised how he had never supported me in trying to stop, he said he hadn't realised how much it meant to me.

A sort of similar scenario has unfolded recently with my most recent ex (I realise I'm not making myself sound very good here!!) . Anyway, also told him about my problem, he even knew I was hiding booze in my bedroom (I had roommates at the time). My point is that although I thoughtI had been completely open about my issues with AL, I can't have been because if they really knew the utter depths of despair it drove me to, they would never have let me go near another drop.

Maybe your wife is not very understanding or sympathetic. Or maybe what you have told her about your drinking feels like a huge admission to you and yet is still not the 'full' story. I also have found that people who drink normally just don't attach the same guilt and emotions to drinking episodes. They can think a hangover or getting sick from drinking is 'funny', 'everyone does it from time to time', no big deal. They don't get how we can fret and worry about drinking occasions weeks and months in advance because we know how it's likely to turn out.

Anyway, rambling now....
Hang in there. Keep trying to communicate your feelings to your wife. If what you're saying is not getting through to her, have you thought about how you might phrase it differently?
Good Luck
Bean

[jennyneric]

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Some times the anamimity (sp) of the screen makes us be Able to share more openly than n person. Perhaps she could log on with her own screen name and lerk or u could show her around the site. I'm sure she would love to read all ur post as us girls r very nosy by nature! If after that she still does not understand maybe u should seek perfesional help