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**Guest** · January 5, 2011, 06:15 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Two things to say;

It's not worth it

and

This is why I avoided/try to avoid getting involved with anyone. When initially AF you need to make sure you minimise any emotional dangers that could lead to drinking.

**allswell** · January 5, 2011, 06:18 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Please don't do it, you're letting other people's actions dictate your own. Let it slide and stay sober. Do it for you and keep what you have worked hard for.

**Chillgirl** · January 5, 2011, 06:21 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

BTC - I think its great that he was honest with you and so why not go have coffee with him and make a new friend?

You have over 2 months sober and it would be insane to cave in over this. Unfortunately we have to learn to deal with lifes ups and downs when sober and I know its tough when we are used to reaching for the bottle to block it out but all of this makes us stronger more capable beings. We cant go running to AL everytime there's a glitch, life has too many of them. What you will find if you face this, is that you will feel so proud of yourself for doing so.

In a few days/weeks you will look back and think "God, imagine nearly breaking my sobriety over something like that!". It not worth it I promise you. :l

**breaking_the_cycle** · January 5, 2011, 06:24 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Chillgirl;1035944 wrote: BTC - I think its great that he was honest with you and so why not go have coffee with him and make a new friend?

You have over 2 months sober and it would be insane to cave in over this. Unfortunately we have to learn to deal with lifes ups and downs when sober and I know its tough when we are used to reaching for the bottle to block it out but all of this makes us stronger more capable beings. We cant go running to AL everytime there's a glitch, life has too many of them. What you will find if you face this, is that you will feel so proud of yourself for doing so.

In a few days/weeks you will look back and think "God, imagine nearly breaking my sobriety over something like that!". It not worth it I promise you. :l

What you are saying makes perfect sense. Unfortunately I'm fixating on the "true" meaning of his text, which is: "you are ugly and worthless and I'd never consider dating you. In fact I'm shocked you have the audacity to think ANYONE would want you."

**greeneyes** · January 5, 2011, 06:26 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Not dating at the moment means.... well... not dating at the moment. Do not apply your imagination to it. Just take it as it is. He will have coffee! He's clarified the situation in advance. Great! Go have coffee and enjoy it!

**Brigitte Bardot** · January 5, 2011, 06:29 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

I've said that many a time to men who I wanted to get to know first. If I couldn't be around them as a friend there was no way I could go any further. It's definetely nothing worth breaking your AF time over. Things are just a little sensitive for you right now and your vulnerable. Just step back a bit and take a look at it for what it really is. This will be a good chance to get to know him as well from your perspective..either way, atleast you may make a very good friend from all this. And friends are good.

All the best to you, and congrats on the two months AF!

**Pride before Fall** · January 5, 2011, 06:33 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Hi BC,

I know it's tough to have taken the initiative and not get the response you were hoping for, but there's nothing to feel humiliated about. He enjoyed meeting you or he wouldn't have wanted to have coffee. Everyone experiences these ups and downs in the dating years, and although nobody like it, nothing tried, nothing gained. I've been shoved out of a moving car by a guy who thought he saw his ex-wife in a parking lot; believe me, your guy was a prince in comparison! ; )

Cowboy up, girl. One thing's for sure; the chances for a successful mutual relationship are A LOT higher sober (bar sex is not "a relationship"). The guys who love that in you are the ones you want to meet. : )

**Mish** · January 5, 2011, 06:53 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

These things can cause one to have an emotional spike, but in the big picture of things, are not worth throwing away all that you've accomplished. Nobody is worth that. And you are worth so much more than a bottle of booze, a nasty hangover,a bad conscience and the inevitable feelings of disappointment in yourself.
Put yourself first in your life, build your self-esteem, get really happy in your own skin and you'll attract the right sort of guy. At least this fellow was upfront about not wanting to date you. I've known a few who get what they want and then dump me, which is even more humiliating and soul-destroying.
Drinking now will not help matters at all. Surviving life's ups and down intact is a part of building character and shows maturity. You know you can do this.

**medic** · January 5, 2011, 06:53 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Hi BC,

the guy sounds like an idiot. If he was not dating why did he hook up with you in the first place? Do not compromise yourself over this tube!

You can find much better than this guy, trust me.

Sending soothing hugs,

med+c

**rebirth** · January 5, 2011, 06:54 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

BTC,
I have been there when it comes to feeling rejected. When I was dating a while back, the men I wanted didnt want me and vice versa. It was very frustrating...especially when I thought that the date went really well. I dealed with my rejection by drowning my sorrows in wine. I felt something was wrong with me and that i was to live the rest of my life as a lonely old woman. But it's NOT worth it.

Just let it pass without drinking on it. You will really regret it if you do. One day you will find the right man who will think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You wait and see. x

**rebirth** · January 5, 2011, 06:56 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

And I agree with medic. Why did he ask for your number if he had no intention of dating you?

**Wagoneer** · January 5, 2011, 07:09 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

What a tool. Please, please do not waste your sobriety on this knucklehead.

**breaking_the_cycle** · January 5, 2011, 07:14 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

Wagoneer;1035997 wrote: What a tool. Please, please do not waste your sobriety on this knucklehead.

What makes you feel he is a tool?

**medic** · January 5, 2011, 07:22 PM

Pls help - I'm about to reach for a drink after so long Alcohol Free!

This is wagoneer's question to answer but I feel somewhat responsible to answer it since I called this guy a "tube" first, which is the same thing as a "tool" in the U.S.

BC, you said this: I met this guy I thought was really nice, respectful, intelligent and...hot...a couple of days ago. We went out for dinner and had a nice time. He then drove me home and parked his car, got out his phone and asked me if he could have my number.

You had dinner and he asked for your number. If he wasn't in to you he shouldn't have led you on by asking for your number. Even if he was just being nice, he failed to communicate on the level with you and left it too ambiguous. This is what has dented your self-esteem.

Best wishes,

med+c

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