I finally have a plan

[fighting back]

I ordered Kudzu (which hasn't arrived yet) and I also ordered Allan Carr's book 'Easy way to control Alcohol' (which has arrived and I might start it tonight). I also ordered the tapes (not here yet)

The reason for the Kudzu is that it's herbal and meds frighten me.

I am going away tomorrow and I know I will be drinking this weekend. But I absolutely know that I won't be nearly as bad as normal. Wine with dinner, that's it. I tried to 'mod' last night and ended up drinking a bottle of red wine and a half bottle of vodka. :upset:

I felt so bad today, but i had a family commitment and forced myself to get dressed and made up, at one point in the day my body was actually twitching, it was gross. I NEVER want to feel like that again. No one noticed thankfully.

I was feeling sorry for myself and then I thought, do you know what? At the start of the new year last year I was seventy pounds overweight. I put my mind to it and lost it all over the course of the year, something I never would have thought possible. In spite of the fact that I was drinking, I was eating healthy and I was running, I was disciplining myself to make the right choices food wise and with exercise.

Now I am thinking, if I can discipline myself like that in my approach to AL then 2011 will be the year that I finally get it under control. I feel confident, positive and hopeful, and AL absolutely hates that, AL likes us afraid and weak.

I don't want to be the scared little drunk, I want to be the strong, confident and capable woman that I know I can be and that others actually perceive me to be.

I know I have posted in the past that I had mixed feelings about this site, but it is starting to make sense to me.

I used to feel that people were judging me; now i realise that everyone just wants to help and support each other. We are all on the same journey, maybe taking different roads to get there but it is the same journey.

Now, that turned out to be a bit of an essay, sorry. It feels good though to sit here and put this down, like I am making that commitment to myself that I did last year, and for the same reason.

I love life. I want to live it to the full.

[Kimberley]

I finally have a plan

Hi there,

Well done on getting together a plan - that's really important as I'm sure you know.

You have shown that you do have the discipline to achieve big things when you put your mind to it, and ace job on the weight loss - that's pretty amazing.

Just a little warning re taking the same approach to alcohol - you know that once you've had a drink or two, your resolve can vanish right?

But I am very glad you feel positive and confident and I wish you all the best.
K x

[Lavande]

I finally have a plan

Fighting back,

It's that all important commitment to yourself that really makes the difference!
I made that same very firm commitment nearly 2 years ago & have never seriously entertained the thought of drinking again. You can live without AL!!!!

Wishing you the best on your journey. Remember, the road may get bumpy from time to time. You just need to deal with the bumps without AL.

You can do it

Lav

[chartreuse_lily]

I finally have a plan

It's great that you have a concrete plan and are taking action.

Kudzu has really helped me. I wanted very much to stop drinking but had severe cravings and was drinking daily when I started taking it. Within a few days I found that my compulsion to drink had faded. Instead of constantly thinking about my next drink I found I could stay one day, two days, and finally since 11/29/10. I also started taking Flax Seed Oil, L-Glutemine (an amino acid), evening primrose oil and passion flower at the same time as the Kudzu.

I just ordered Alan Carr's book myself, I'll be interested in knowing what you think of it.

Congratulations on your plan. I hope it works for you and you're able to become the person you want to be.

[fighting back]

I finally have a plan

Kimberley;1036726 wrote: Hi there,

Well done on getting together a plan - that's really important as I'm sure you know.

You have shown that you do have the discipline to achieve big things when you put your mind to it, and ace job on the weight loss - that's pretty amazing.

Just a little warning re taking the same approach to alcohol - you know that once you've had a drink or two, your resolve can vanish right?

But I am very glad you feel positive and confident and I wish you all the best.
K x
I know it too well kimberley, but I am thinking, my weight loss was all about re-programming my brain and my approach to food. If I was so successful, can I do the same with AL? I like to think I can, but I'll keep you posted!



Lavande;1036728 wrote: Fighting back,

It's that all important commitment to yourself that really makes the difference!
I made that same very firm commitment nearly 2 years ago & have never seriously entertained the thought of drinking again. You can live without AL!!!!

Wishing you the best on your journey. Remember, the road may get bumpy from time to time. You just need to deal with the bumps without AL.

You can do it

Lav

Thank you Lav, I certainly hope so :thanks:

[Accountable for Me]

I finally have a plan

Having a plan is ultimately the key to success!

With your drive and determination through your weightloss last year, I have no doubt you can apply it to your sobriety!

[Mish]

I finally have a plan

FB, it was really encouraging to read your post this morning. You appear to be very determined once you set your mind to something and I hope it works out for you.
I could never have moderated so abstaining was the only answer for me. Maybe you can mod, maybe not. I trust that if you can't, you'll make the right decision and head down the abstinance road.
A plan is vital in reaching your goals, so well done and best wishes.

[Chillgirl]

I finally have a plan

Fighting Back - I agree that having a plan is vital and it sounds like you are well prepared.
The Allen Carr book was my bible and worked for me. With your great success last year with your weight loss you are obviously a determined person and will be able to apply this to AL. Before I quit I too ate healthily and exercised 5 times a week and AL was the real blight in my life. However like you a couple of glasses of wine with dinner NEVER was a couple and any bottle which got opened also got finished! I wish you much strength and look forward to hearing how you are doing.

[fighting back]

I finally have a plan

Thanks for the replies guys. I was AL free last night, slept fitfully but better than I thought I would.

Lily, thanks for the comments on Kudzu, I can't wait to get started on that and the book. I already take omega3, evening primprose, and vit c daily, also a B vit complex.

Chill, so glad the book was a success with you, I am keeping an open mind about it and hope it helps.

Feeling very optimistic and hopeful this morning. I am off to a very posh hotel/spa with hubby today, not dreading it at all but really looking forward to it. It's not the kind of place that you can get falling-down drunk in, and tbh, I really don't feel like drinking at all.

And, I will be wearing a swimming costume for the first time in ages to show off my new shape

I am going to keep posting when I get back, so I'll let you know how I get on with the Kudzu and the book. Thanks again

[fighting back]

I finally have a plan

Reporting back

Had a lovely time at the spa, swam, had saunas, worked out, walked. My hubby is mostly unaware of my drinking; he arranges these trips for us because he is away on business quite a lot and I think he really enjoys splashing out and treating us to some extra special time together maybe once a month. He thinks I have 'the odd glass of wine'. He thinks that, like him, I can take it or leave it.

What he doesn't know is that I usually had a little quarter bottle of gin stashed in my bag for when he fell asleep, and that on top of the wine we had drunk at dinner.

I didn't have a stash this time . I had one glass of wine with dinner, and he ordered champagne from room service for when we went back to our room.

We didn't even drink a full glass each, and no, I didn't sneak up in the middle of the night to have another!

I truly had a wonderful time.

I know that the prescribed route for modding is 30 days AL free, and I know that some of you are going to say that I should be completely honest with my husband and tell him the true extent of my drinking when he's away.

No.

I love that man to bits, I would rather die than have him lose his good opinion of me (and he really loves me. He works hard, I don't want to give him the added pressure of worrying about me.) I got myself into this mess, and I will get myself out.

No to the 30 days too. It's too much pressure, especially when he's away.

I am going to do my best, but not making flat out promises and then feeling like a complete failure if I have two glasses of wine, which then sends me into a tailspin of feeling useless and hopeless which inevitably leads to drinking more.

I am going to get my drinking back on track. I am going to use the Kudzu, the supps, the tapes, my friends and family and my job to help me do this. I am going to use every bit of willpower I can harness.

And of course, this site, if you are prepared to put up with me and my radical ideas for fixing myself.

I have also been thinking about CBT, which I can get very discreetly through my works' healthcare programme, has anyone any experience of this or counselling in general?

Again, an essay. But this is suddenly starting to feel do-able, and I am not trying to take anything away from the tried and tested methods. I guess I am just trying to tailor everything I have read here and use it to help myself.

BTW, hubs is out tonight, I am drinking Schloer apple juice, water, and herbal tea. There is drink in the house, but these are my choices. That's a start, isn't it?

[madmans]

I finally have a plan

FB we all have to do our own thing, what ever works for you if it keeps you well so be it, glad to see you back posting. MM

[fighting back]

I finally have a plan

Thank you, we have to tread our own paths MM. I hope you are doing ok. :thanks:

[madmans]

I finally have a plan

Yea went nearly two months sober only to start drinking on boxing day and some days since, found it very hard to get back started, but did back on day 4AF. what i do know is that the longer sober i was the better i felt and did' nt miss the drink. it was just a feck it moment that made me drink, i knew i would be pissed of/sick as a donkey the next day but i did'nt care. i have learned from that.

[fighting back]

I finally have a plan

Horrible insomnia, but at least I know I won't be hung over in the morning

[coalfire]

I finally have a plan

Yes that is a start. I have to be careful when I answer posts like this. I am the traditional alcoholic in that 1 drink leads me to experience overwhelming cravings for more. My attempts to fix myself were in fact complex forms of denial. I have to be careful not to project my own experiences on to other people ie

I couldn't moderate so you cant moderate.
When I spoke about cutting down I was in denial so that means you are too.

I am working on it I promise!!

So fightingback I will wish you sincere good luck on your journey. Perhaps it is just a bad habit that you have got yourself into and can get yourself out of with a little self discipline.
I sincerely hope that you are one of the lucky ones and thats the case for you. If your experiment fails and you discover that you are in fact an alcoholic then you know that we are here for you. Good luck.