Food and drink

[Recluse]

I'm in the very early stages of my journey, but I thought I might use MWO as a "traveller's log" to occasionally document my experiences and then maybe others will recognise them and be able to relate to them and possibly even offer the odd word of advice.

My big discovery so far is the importance of eating. I'm in my late forties and I've just discovered that you have to eat properly. Talk about being a slow learner. For the first six hours of the day I would be insurmountably lethargic and unable to do anything at all except sit. I thought it was because my body was still poisoned from last night's alcohol.

After reviewing the first week of my drink diary, I realised that food might possibly be an issue and started to try to improve my eating habits. By the end of the second week I was eating properly. It didn't seem to make much difference, but I thought it was important to start developing some good habits, so I stuck at it, with the occasional slip up. Then, around the end of week three, I noticed I was feeling much less tired in the morning. It would be going too far to say that the lethargy disappeared completely, but it was dramatically reduced.

I've learnt my lesson, but I suspect it is a lesson that will soon be forgotten and have to be re-learnt. I find it is all too easy to forget to eat. And when you haven't eaten, your energy levels are low the next day and then eating becomes too much effort and the negative feedback loop begins.

Now that I'm eating properly, I am making some unpleasant discoveries. Previously, the insurmountable lethargy overwhelmed all other feelings and my mood was blank and empty. Now, my real feelings are coming through, and they're not nice. Dread and fear every morning. It's tempting to go back to not eating properly again if this is what the real world is like, and I haven't even started to make a dent in my alcohol consumption. Does anyone recognise any of this?

Recluse

[Wagoneer]

Food and drink

Isn't it crazy what toxins mask? Are you weaning off AL? Moderating? Not sure by your post. If you are still drinking, then AL is still screwing wth your feelings. You may be feeling better by eating better, but the alcohol is still a poison - unfortunately most of the benefits of eating better are being eradicated by the booze. Once you stop the booze, you may very well be able to get a handle on all those feeling coming out. I did it the other way around - stopped the booze, and by stopping the booze, I actually kind of fell in to eating better - didn't have the fast food cravings, greasy hangover food cravings, etc. The dread and fear always was because of alcohol for me. They are almost completely gone now I am two months sober. I strongly suggest to keep eating well like you are and cut out the booze - your body and mind will benefit from it. Good luck on your journey. Don't give up.

[Recluse]

Food and drink

Thanks Wagoneer. I've been told it would be dangerous to try to stop suddenly and to try to moderate instead. So far I've not even been able to moderate as I use AL to blot out reality. From what I have read, sometimes alcohol dependency causes depression and sometimes depression causes alcohol dependency. It sounds as though you fall into the former category. Congratulations on your two months of sobriety, by the way! I hope you can stick at it.

All the best

R

[choice]

Food and drink

Hi Recluse,
I love your panda avatar by the way. I had a very similar experience as Wagon with my diet changing once I became AF.

On the depression side of things, I think it was a vicious cycle of both.. I was depressed and dependent on AL and the dependence caused depression. (I think) Since I'm not dependent on AL I haven't felt depressed. It's almost as if it's completely gone away. I hope my depression was caused by AL so that I never get it again. But, we'll see... My doctor said once a person has suffered from depression they are always vunerable to getting it again.

I think it's a great idea Recluse that you started this thread as a log to report how your doing and get feedback about others experiences as well. :thanks:

[Wagoneer]

Food and drink

Recluse - sounds like you have a plan - great job. It's damn hard, but as I said, worth it. I wish you all the luck and health in the world. We are all one drink away from day one, and we are all in the same boat! Look forward to hearing from you again!

[Recluse]

Food and drink

Thanks choice. All comments relating personal experiences in relation to AL are welcome. Some people will have similar experiences to each other, but there are always some differences and sometimes it is the small details that are important.

That's a bit worrying about what your doctor told you, but I guess that forewarned is forearmed. Hopefully being aware of the possibility of recurrence will keep you on the lookout for warning signs and possibly enable you to seek your doctor's help at an earlier stage before it really takes a stranglehold on your life.

Sounds as though you are winning your battle with AL. Well done on that! One day I hope to be in the same situation as you!

R

[Doggygirl]

Food and drink

Hi Recluse and :wecome:.

On alcohol and depression...here is my experience. In the last few years of my lengthy drinking career, I was suicidally depressed. That lifted for me when I quit drinking. I realize that some people have depression that needs to be dealt with after they quit drinking. But I think for many of us, the alcohol is the cause.

I heard a psychiatrist speak this past summer who treats depression and also alcoholism. He stated that in his experience in his practice, it is IMPOSSIBLE to effectively treat depression in anyone who is drinking regularly. (not necessarily alcoholically). In his opinion, the depressive nature of alcohol makes it impossible for depression to be lifted even with the aid of drugs.

A couple of books I found vary interesting that link food, alcohol, nutritional deficiencies, and mood are Potatoes Not Prozak by Kathleen Des Maisons and either The Diet Cure or The Mood Cure by Julia Ross.

Strength and hope to you in your journey. Looking for similarities rather than differences is a good thing.

DG

[Recluse]

Food and drink

Hi Doggygirl,

thanks for your reply and for the reading suggestions. My AL worker said exactly the same thing to me as you have in respect of the depressive nature of alcohol and how it prevents anti-depressants from working. She basically said that it is necessary to deal with the alcohol problem first and then if you are still depressed the depression can be treated afterwards. Not all that long ago, my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants on the off-chance as I wasn't able to tell her whether I was depressed or not. She was fully aware that I had a drink problem. The anti-depressants didn't make a scrap of difference, so I incorrectly concluded that I wasn't depressed. But it would appear that even within the medical profession there is some confusion or lack of understanding of the issues involved.

969 days AF - now that IS impressive. I think you are in a league of your own there!

R

[Doggygirl]

Food and drink

Recluse, I'm excited about reaching 1,000 days AF but that is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I'm hoping to live a long and sober life as so many others I have had the pleasure of meeting are doing.

I think there are a couple of problems in the medical field WRT alcohol abuse (ism) and depression. In addition to non-addicts having a VERY difficult time understanding addiction (even if they are doctors) there is the problem of us alkies lying. Now that I don't drink any more, I have been honest with one of my doctors about my previous drinking. But I NEVER told the truth about it before that. As it turns out, it seems many/most of us are that way. So....medical professionals have a hard time knowing if patients are being truthful about alcohol consumption in the first place. I can see how that "moving target" would make it difficult to consider the alcohol factor in treatment for other things.

Anyway...interesting stuff to me. I hope everything works out for you and you are able to get rid of the depression either as a simple matter of stopping AL or through treatment post-AL.

DG

[Change]

Food and drink

I tend to eat protein the mornings. Desperation breakfast = some crackers with peanut butter on them and some fruit. Other breakfasts include fruit salad with yoghurt on it and a handful of nuts. The best one, but it's seasonal only, is a mango smoothie and then a handful of nuts.

Most of these options generally sustain me until 11.30am, when i can have a snack, then lunch later. Afternoon snacks should include peanut butter on crackers, a piece of fruit, or anything similiar to breakfast.

Bread, for me, doesn't work. I get a carbo come down and in extreme cases (which happens often), a headache, or even a miagraine from wheat.

Find out what works for you and go for it!!

[Hopeworks]

Food and drink

My husband is 6 m0nths AF today. For ten years before that he fully believed that his diagnosis of being bipolar, clinical depression, anxiety disorder and ADD were the root of his problem that he treated with alcoholism. HIs many stints resididential treatment centers added to the above that it must have occurred due to a childhood traumatic event. Doctors provided handfuls of medications including benzodiazipines that we now know made the problem worse.

Today he is AF and completely drug free and he has no mood swings or depression. He has on occassion had some PAWS moments which he and I recocnized and dealt with and they passed.

In order to determine which came first the chicken or the egg you must remove alcohol from the equation... for us it took rehab stay number 7 for over 4 months and during that time over 300 AA meetings (3 a day)...

Chances are your depression and lethargy will disappear in time if you remove the poisonous alcohol but if by chance you do have some depression issues AF meds will actually help you deal with them.

Good luck and we will be praying for you

[Recluse]

Food and drink

Thanks to all who replied. I do read and appreciate all of the comments, even if I don't reply to every single one. I'm feeling pretty sh*t at the moment, so thought I would try and distract myself by posting an update to my "traveller's log".

Since starting to eat properly I've found that alcohol has much less effect than it used to and my tolerance has shot up. I have to compress my drinking into a smaller number of hours in order to get some quality "blotto" time.

My big discovery of the week was that I'm usually sober in the morning. There was an altered state of conciousness, a kind of spaced out feeling that I have mistaken for being drunk over the past several months. I now realise that it is one of the effects of depression. Probably a lot of people here will be familiar with that.

Had my first proper appointment with my alcohol worker this week. She's rather good and very easy to talk to. I surprised myself by making a very small start in talking about things I've never spoken about before, the reasons why I drink. I was shaking so much that the table rattled throughout the appointment and at one point her coffee sploshed on to the table. She thinks the shaking is withdrawal symptoms, I thought it might be anxiety.

She said not to try to stop drinking suddenly (not much chance of that), so I'm trying to cut down slowly. When I began my journey not all that long ago, the average was 23 units (standard drinks) a night. This week it is 17. It's a small start.

R