Monday Morning Musings

[Shanny5]

Well that?s another weekend for me without Al but GAWD almighty?it?s boring. Don?t get me wrong, I fully appreciate being sober but the idea that I am going to have to rewire my idea of enjoyment so totally is just beginning to sink in.
I was actually very busy over both Saturday and Sunday, doing productive and enjoyable things but the compulsion to drink is ever present. No matter how good I feel or what I achieve so far, nothing ever compares to the buzz. Maybe it never will. What do you make of that! Yes I know that the fall is steeper than the high etc, I?m not romancing the ?good times? and forgetting the bad. I guess I?m just saying (or asking) two things here.
One is, is there ever really a time when the craving?s go away totally? Can I ever relax and drop my guard?. And secondly, does anything really ever match up to the buzz? I somehow doubt it to be honest. I?m going to have to redefine what I consider excitement. I?m finding this whole process like the death of a loved one in so far as achieving acceptance that it?s over and that a new life without it must be forged in order to cope with the change.
No, I?m not in crises here and not tempted to drink. My meds are doing their job even though some say Campral is nothing more than a placebo, they do the trick for me!. I just have to wonder if it?s really ever possible to throw off the sense of being followed around by this thing?

[mollyka]

Monday Morning Musings

Shanny, there's no point in telling you that 'the buzz' can be replaced. It does become increasingly irrelevant after sometime booze free (this is from a serial relapser :-(). And yes I s'pose life does have to be re-ordered, but that is a difficult concept for at least the first few months. Someone here said when I was new around here 'it is hard, but it's not impossible' and that is a realistic analysis I think. The cravings and thoughts become rarer and weaker IMO as time goes on - actually perfectly tolerable most of the time - but no I don't imagine we can ever let down our guard.
The benefits of living without booze outweigh life with it as time goes on - emotional, physical, financial etc etc that those benefits in themselves are enough nearly all the time to not want to 'go there'.
Don't overthink it Shanny - cliche and all that but the reason ODAT is quoted so often is that it works, sorry if this isn't a cheerleaders guide to sobriety but there is no point in saying it is alway easy and that it seems fair, but the vast majority of the time it is easy. Write a list of what you hated about your drinking times and keep it handy - I have one in my purse and it really helps.
Molly

[Wagoneer]

Monday Morning Musings

Like Molly said, you can't really replace the exact feeling of that buzz, unless, well, you're buzzed. That buzz for me has been replaced by a feeling of clarity and accomplishment that far outweighs any wine buzz I have ever gotten. I am not saying that I don't miss a glass of wine, but drinking that one glass for me represents the beginning of going back to everything crappy in my life. I don't want that anymore. And I don't need that feeling of being buzzed....my happiness now has outweighed any of the pretend benefits that booze gave me.

[JackieClaire]

Monday Morning Musings

Hi Shanny

Firstly the cravings they do get less and less as time goes by. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it would be good to sink a few when I've been going through major stresses. But what's the point. The stress is still going to be there and the end of the day and I'll still have to deal with it.

As for letting your guard down. The guard is always there but it's in the background. I wouldn't dream of getting in the car with out first putting my seat belt on, it's just become second nature. Bit the same with AL.........quick click and put the thought out of my mind.

Ahh now the buzz. That one or two drinks that give you that slightly relaxed merry feeling. That was so long ago that I don't remember it. One or two drinks just didn't cut it in the later years and the 2 bottles of wine I drank just lead to pathetic nothingness.
Yep sobriety can be boring. I've been bored witless all afternoon today but that has nothing to do with me being sober. It has to do with the fact I couldn't find anything to do and there was naff all on the TV.

[Shanny5]

Monday Morning Musings

Thanx Molly and Wagoneer

I just wondered if it's ever possible to go back to a time in our lives before we ever experienced this addiction. To be completely indifferent about Al.

Molly, yes I have that list. It took a career I loved, my health and destroyed irreplaceable relationships, and that just the tip of the iceberb. I'm greatful to be free of it.

[EnglishWriter77]

Monday Morning Musings

Hi Shanny,

I get where you're coming from 100% - I do also miss that buzz from a few drinks that loosens you up and makes you giddy - however as I spend more and more time sober I have just been trying to fill that time with other things to excite me. More to the point, now I have a clear head there is so much more time and so much more I am ABLE to do.

Running, dancing, sports, walking the dog, watching films, writing my novel, etc. I think the buzz can be replaced but obviously it is a different buzz. However, I have found that the longer I go AF, the more of a buzz I can get from 'normal' things - and I think (and hope) with another few months under my belt the memory of a drink buzz will be so long gone I won't remember what I am missing and then I will get even more kicks out of sobriety.

Keep on keeping on!

EW

[Shanny5]

Monday Morning Musings

"As for letting your guard down. The guard is always there but it's in the background. I wouldn't dream of getting in the car with out first putting my seat belt on, it's just become second nature. Bit the same with AL.........quick click and put the thought out of my mind"

JackieClaire

I love that analogy of putting on a sear belt. Quick click and it's done. I'll always think of that now THANX!

(obviously I haven't worked out how to quote properly in here)

[rubywillow]

Monday Morning Musings

Shanny, still early Sunday eve here, but, like any habit, it takes time. If we used drugs, we'd miss that high, but in our sober minds, we know it doesn't last. This, sobriety, is REAL life. It's HARD. I don't remember anyone telling me it was gonna be easy. And it hasn't been, but LAWDY, the good things I've seen and done, had happen to me, and I remember with such clarity. No 'buzz' could ever be as wonderful as the hugs and kisses of my adult children, and my beautiful grandchildren. I missed out on years of that, getting drunk, and it's left an imprint on their hearts I wish I could erase, but I can't. It's not for others we become sober, it's for ourselves. But the fallout is a better life with all we love. I personally NEVER want to go back. There were no times important, happy, high, enough to make me want to miss one more minute of real life.
I know this is just MY impression, but my point is we have this one life, and I want mine to be sober, happy, and a pleasure to those I have in my life. Otherwise, there's no point but to keep trying to chase that buzz. It's hard, but you CAN do it, and then look back with that perspective.
Best of luck, hon.

[Judestir]

Monday Morning Musings

:thanks:Thanks for asking such great questions. I can get rid of the craving for a smoke with the click of a seatbelt. One second it is here the next it is gone. Hopefully this holds true with all addictions.

[Doggygirl]

Monday Morning Musings

Hi Shanny. You bring up some very excellent topics in your post. First and foremost, congratulations on your sobriety. It's not easy.

I can only share my own experience - can't say how it will be for you. But here goes.

When I first sobered up it was like biting my nails and fingers and hands off some days to not drink. Just the effort to not drink was really hard. I no longer have that feeling. The obsession has been lifted as they say. I like Jackie's comparison to putting on our seat belts. Yes - my guard must ALWAYS be up. I can NEVER drink safely and can't afford to forget it. But yes - it's like putting on my seat belt. Easy and automatic as long as I do what helps me keep my head on straight every day.

I heard something along the way that made complete sense to me. I heard that we "stunt" our emotional maturing process when we start drinking. For me, I think that was basically true. I was like a teenager requiring simple entertainment to make me feel happy. I had no idea of who I was with any sort of depth. I had no idea how to approach life in a way that would leave me feeling deeply satisfied - something completely different than living buzz to buzz. I was a very shallow person.

My "entertainment" these days is no longer chasing the buzz. It's pursuing emotional and spiritual growth. It's trying to figure out how to develop and foster deeper and more meaningful relationships with others around me. It's trying to live in an attitude of gratitude for what I have, and trying to learn to give to others with no expectation of anything in return. Things I was not even capable of considering when I was leading my "work hard, play hard" life. (and then in the later years, just sitting alone and drinking my life away).

So...it's different. The "buzz" has definitely been replaced by something that to me is much better. But it's not anything like the old buzz.

Strength and hope to you in your journey,

DG

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Monday Morning Musings

Hi Shanny! I totally get where you are coming from with wondering if the AL buzz will ever be replaced. Whenever I ponder this, I am grateful for the "high" I get from waking up in the morning hangover free, and the new awareness I have in every aspect of my life AF, and that far outweighs the thought of trying to replace the buzz of drinking that one glass of wine, which will lead to another and another and then knowing the next morning I will hate myself. It's just not worth it!

[Shanny5]

Monday Morning Musings

BlondeAFAmbition;1043168 wrote: Hi Shanny! I totally get where you are coming from with wondering if the AL buzz will ever be replaced. Whenever I ponder this, I am grateful for the "high" I get from waking up in the morning hangover free, and the new awareness I have in every aspect of my life AF, and that far outweighs the thought of trying to replace the buzz of drinking that one glass of wine, which will lead to another and another and then knowing the next morning I will hate myself. It's just not worth it!

I agree totally. I go to the gym 5 times a week now and feel great. I couldn't have done that if I'd been drinking. Every morning I wake up without a hangover, I am sooooo grateful. So many more opportunities have opened up to me since I stopped drinking but I just have to wonder if there will ever come a time when the cravings go away completely instead of being fought off every day (albeit it in varying degrees).