Lonely :(

[Change]

Okay, here it is... I'm lonely. Gut wrenchingly lonely at times. I don't feel connected to people sometimes, and sometimes when i come home, all i crave is a decent conversation and a little support, but i have neither.

The ache that i feel is really for friends and similiar others. I'm even at the stage where i don't want a relationship (well, i do, but not the type that society would dictate that i have), i just want people who will be there for me, i'd love to have a family and feel that i 'belong'. I would love to come home and see a sea of happy faces! But, instead i come home to my own reflection in the mirror!

So, i am going to 'pray' people, and i mean, really PRAY. Pray with me, pray for me

[startingover]

Lonely

Hiya Change, that is a tough situation....and its great that you get it out there.
I can relate, because I have felt similar myself.
I dont anymore, finally at the ripe old age of 47 my life has meaning and I am happy with it.
I know you can have the same. But I will say a prayer for you too.

[expat3]

Lonely

Change, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in feeling lonely. This problem has been addressed in France-last year it was domestic violence. It is a problem faced by the elderly, single people, single parents and even children (and even married people with children). I think it's great you have started this thread. I fall into the single mom category. But since I've stopped drinking-I don't feel so lonely anymore. It does take some effort-but with babysteps-maybe just find some kind of activity once a week and go on from there. There are millions of options-from charity work to clubs or whatever. Even if you are on a limited budget (as I am) there are options. Maybe make a list of some of your interests and then start doing some research of what's available in your community. :l expat xxx

[startingover]

Lonely

Excellent post Expat.
Thats what I did, started volunteering, from that I made friends and got a full time job and along with that , a future...

[Change]

Lonely

startingover,

I don't feel as lonely since i stopped drinking either. I used to feel gut-wrenchingly lonely and disconnected, to the point of having panic attacks in the middle of the night. I just felt connected to nothing, and if there was a God, he / she was not in my side.

Now, i just feel starved for attention, company and companionship.

expet3, i don't have a family yet. If i did, i probably wouldn't feel as lonely (if i wasn't drinking that is). Whilst i always felt lonely and needy in a lecherous way (looking back on it), i now realise the importance of companionship and belonging and i guess i hope i have something / more to offer now. Looking back on it, i think my loneliness came from a place of 'need' (to fill a void to make myself feel better), i am now hoping it will come from a more 'proactive' place.

I am going to say a prayer for ten minutes tonight!! I've only prayed a few times in my life, but i figure, i've got nothing to lose. I hope God doesn't take it the wrong way!!! I'll also be thanking him for some good things that have been happening lately.

[Guitarista]

Lonely

Hiya Change,

Hang in there. I'm not necessarily a religous bloke, but i've got to say, that the occassional time i've prayed, i think things have improved. I don't know or care whether it's God (whoever/whatever we believe that to be), or the fact that i was real, true, and serious about wanting to improve my situation, i.e. i was prepared to put some work in to do that, but my situation would alway's improve. Of course, i had to be pro-active with that.

There is magic when when we are on our true path, or at least looking for it.

Best wishes on your journey friend.

(If you're in Melbourne, come see my band and say hello)

[expat3]

Lonely

Change, You are sounding "a bit" more positive. Prayer is a great idea if it works for you. I pray too. But you have to get out there and look for something in the "living people world" too. As I said-start with babysteps so you don't feel overwhelmed at first. I think we all have SOMETHING to give even if we are depressed, broke, have no super special skills or whatever. And by giving we do receive. It's actually an amazing chain reaction that can happen faster than you think! If you want to throw out some of your ideas of what you might like to do-please share them on here. This place is a great sounding board! I do have a job (which I love!) and I do some volunteer work helping disadvantaged youths with their English homework in France. I also joined Catholic Charities-where I help and have been helped! And I've met some incredible people-of all different ages and social classes. Many have become REAL friends. These are just some of the things I've done. Of course, you have to find what is right for YOU. Please check in. Must run now--but I'll be back later. expat xxx

[Kimberley]

Lonely

Hi Change,

Sorry to hear you feel like that - I'm pretty sure a lot of us do feel like that a lot.

Voluntary work is a great idea and have a look on meetup.com, you can join groups of people who share similar interests to do stuff, whether its attending discussions, book clubs, dinners (there is an AF group in London that I am still trying to pluck up the courage to go to- they go out for meals where no-one drinks).

Dare I say it, AA has filled a lot of this void for me over the past couple of weeks. Any time I am feeling down and lonely, I know that if I go to a meeting I will get love, support, caring and hugs from people who really understand. God it feels nice to have that. Although MWO is brilliant for making contacts, I don't think anything quite surplants that human need for touch, physicality etc. You get that at AA. Honestly, just tell them you're new and you get hugged, people giving you phone numbers to call at any time you feel low. Even if you don't 'agree' with the programme at first, the 'fellowship' alone is worth it.

Whatever you do, remember that while you feel this way now, you won't always feel this way and don't have to if you reach out.
Kx

[Change]

Lonely

Kimberely,

I'm actually thinking of joining AA, if not for the social interaction, and to find some like-minded people, as you suggest. I'm not quite ready for that stage, but i may in the future. It's an option though. I understand what you mean by online being no substitution for real life physicality, that is what i am craving / missing. Maybe it come in abundance

[Kimberley]

Lonely

Hey change, that's great. You don't have to rush into doing steps and all that early on. I'm not - I'm just going to a meeting every day and often popping out for a bite to eat or a cuppa with some of the group afterwards. And getting lots of hugs it's certainly filling a need in my life to have understanding people to talk with - and just to be with. When you're ready I think it would be an ace thing for you to do. i'cve been amazed at how much it is just something I have been needing to keep me going.
K x

[Change]

Lonely

Kimberley;1043064 wrote: Hey change, that's great. You don't have to rush into doing steps and all that early on. I'm not - I'm just going to a meeting every day and often popping out for a bite to eat or a cuppa with some of the group afterwards. And getting lots of hugs it's certainly filling a need in my life to have understanding people to talk with - and just to be with. When you're ready I think it would be an ace thing for you to do. i'cve been amazed at how much it is just something I have been needing to keep me going.
K x

Thanks Kimberely,

I guess what worries me is if there are people there who are still tempted like me and we get together and start to lead each other down the garden path, in other words, one corrupts the other. I know i have a tendency to push the boundaries and have known to lead others astray. So, i don't want to join until i know i have this thing under control and am aware of the consequences.

[rubywillow]

Lonely

Change, honey, you break my heart. I can hear your loneliness. This may be cold comfort, words on a page, but believe me, please. You can find TRUE friends here. People who care about you. I'm one you can't corrupt, I've done enough of that to myself. For a while, look at this place as the sea of family faces you crave. Remember, family gets crazy. But however we get to our bond, there still is that bond. I post pictures since I live a country life, that others have told me over the years help them go so sleep thinking of. It's a small thing, but whatever works is wonderful. Join us in our 'Journey' family, anytime. You will not be disappointed, and you will not lead anyone astray. This is the only place I've ever found this kind of acceptance, and been able to give it back. We understand, dear, like many others cannot.

[Kimberley]

Lonely

Change;1043280 wrote: Thanks Kimberely,

I guess what worries me is if there are people there who are still tempted like me and we get together and start to lead each other down the garden path, in other words, one corrupts the other. I know i have a tendency to push the boundaries and have known to lead others astray. So, i don't want to join until i know i have this thing under control and am aware of the consequences.

Change,
If that is what is holding you back, please don't worry. If there is one thing I can promise you, you will not tempt others. In AA they believe their sobriety is the ultimate priority, without it we have nothing or may as well have nothing. It comes first before everything else - and I mean everything. You go when you're good and ready, but don't let that thought put you off doing it becasue believe me, it is not the truth. You have nothing to fear.

Big friendly, non-lonely hugs to you :l
K x

[mama bear]

Lonely

I choose to believe that God will listen. And if not, we are all here for you Change.
AA and volunteer work sounds great. If I didn;t have a new job that was kicking my butt that is what I would do.

[RudyB]

Lonely

howdy change,
i recently posted a long-winded one about my loneliness (and everything else in my life). you are definitely NOT alone, in your loneliness, or in your place here on earth.

something that has helped me much lately in my new sobriety is staying focused on the things that i enjoy, and monitoring my thoughts as well as i can, such that they are predominately happy ones (like, how much better i think and feel and operate without al).
almost never being truly alone because i'm a single mom of a four yr old keeps me from feeling or allowing myself to feel desperately alone; obviously i have to hold it together for him if not for myself. but THAT can be a lonely process!

i'm digging the good advice that others are giving you here. i always feel well-accompanied when i check into this site. here's a good starting place, i think, to know that you're in good company.

good luck with your prayers. i loved your intent to feel gratitude. i think that's HUGE. when we acknowledge all that is going right, it can only bring more right things into our experience.
hugs,
rudyb