Hate myself!

[fragileflower]

Here I go again...starting over. I really hate myself. Had 4 drinks this afternoon The drinks are worn off now. I am feeling depressed and lonely. I feel so much guilt and shame. I make it a few days and then I drink again.

I took some Kudzu and L-glut. I hope this works.

Thanks for reading and putting up with my pity party.

fragileflower

[witchywoman]

Hate myself!

Hi FragileFlower
I am on about day 18 AF on my 2nd or 3rd attempt to stop drinking, I know exactly how you feel with the guilt & shame, but as long as you keep trying you are heading in the right direction, I know the 1st time i stopped, instead of taking it ODAT (one day at a time) I was looking to far ahead & it was overwhelming, so all you have to think about is today, " I will not drink today" Can you go & drink some water or tea. that might help
just think you could have kept drinking, but you have the courage to get online & post, so well done.
good luck & keep posting, it helps.

[lil.michelle]

Hate myself!

Hunni *hugs* I've been where you are now SOOOO many times. I guess the thing is, it's NOT ok to give into the cravings. It makes us feel so horrible about ourselves and it's really just NOT worth it. When you next get the craving... just stop... just think about how you are feeling now... hopefully that feeling will be strong enough to put you off. That's how i get through them all.
Now, try not to be soo hard on yourslef. Pick yourself up, brush it off and come on.. lets start you off again =D

[Stargazerlily]

Hate myself!

Fragile flower,
Sorry you are feeling down.....that's what alcohol always does for me too. Just the fact that you stopped drinking and want to be alcohol free is progress. Sometimes it takes practice to get and stay sober. I found that I really need to get the booze out of the house, and have a list of things to do. Nothing big or exciting. Then, when a craving hits, check out if I am hungry, angry, lonely, or tired and then take care of that. So good you came to MWO and posted. You will succeed, we are here for you.

[gyco]

Hate myself!

again and again

fragileflower;1047236 wrote: Here I go again...starting over. I really hate myself. Had 4 drinks this afternoon The drinks are worn off now. I am feeling depressed and lonely. I feel so much guilt and shame. I make it a few days and then I drink again.

I took some Kudzu and L-glut. I hope this works.

Thanks for reading and putting up with my pity party.

fragileflower

hi fragile:goodjob:at least you just didnt keep going,your here,:Hsee fragile it takes a long time to get no what alchoholism is really all about,time is on are side,we can either make it hard on ourselves or live to talk about it another day,ive been doin this start stop thing for over 40 years,once you get the understanding of how we were tot,wasnt always the rite way,you will get it.no sense in hurting yourself any more,youve picked yourself up and the old sayiny TRY TRY AGAIN:goodjob:gyco

[mollyka]

Hate myself!

FF, good on you coming here - huge step, it's so easy to just keep drinking when we've started - oh and very important mindset - DON'T hate yourself - hate the frigging alcohol, hate it so much that it takes on a new 'persona'. You are still the same person, its alcohol that makes you feel like that - but yes you put the glass to your lips, so that's the part of the bargain you have to keep
Thinking of you, loads of water, good nights sleep (if poss) and tomorrow is another day!
Molly

[mollyka]

Hate myself!

xpost Gyco, I agree entirely with you!
Molly

[fragileflower]

Hate myself!

Thanks everyone....I really appreciate your support and advice. That's why I really love this site. Everyone is so warm and supportive. Not judgemental like other boards on line. I will keep coming back as much as I can...I want to support others too.

:thanks:

fragileflower

[hillsidetime]

Hate myself!

Hi Fragile, the good news is that you are straightening yourself up, and getting ready to fight the battle today. Have you examined whether it is an urge, a habit, a lifestyle schedule etc, that got to you? Sometimes we can look at our week, and almost predict where strong urges to drink will come. You can use this information to try to work through these time. Hang in there,
Hill

[mauritiusdodo]

Hate myself!

Hi there, thanks for your post on my thread, hope you are ok, look forward to chatting with you

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Hate myself!

Fragile Flower...you are just blossoming on your AF journey, so what if you got hit with some rain, it will pass and you will have another chance for a completely AF day today if you are ready (I see that you first posted this yesterday). And then one AF day follows another and another, until you look back and you have a whole garden of them! I am at 17 days and if it weren't for MWO, I don't know if I could have made it. Keep coming here and posting and reading...it is helping me immensly! When a jockey falls of a horse, he gets back on. That's what we have to think of if we go a stray, just get back on your strong horse and keep riding!

[rubywillow]

Hate myself!

Flower, there is a cycle you need to think about. We stay AF a few days, then that little voice says 'You've been good. You deserve and can handle a couple of drinks'. And most of us fall for it. Sometimes it a LOT of tries, but you have to change your mindset about what is real, what is habit, and what happens to you to make you decide to have that first drink. We have to learn to think a dif way. I understand the guilt; but you are far from the first it happens to. As the others said, keep trying. It doesn't matter as much how often you fall, but always to get up one more time than you do. And you're right, the best support is here.

[Wagoneer]

Hate myself!

I hate pity parties! I have them all the time and nobody but me shows up! Seriously, I have said this a bajillion times - we are all one drink away from day one. Good for you for dusting yourself off and getting back on your feet. It took me a bunch of tries and I still have a fleeting thought every so often of how nice a glass of wine would be....then common sense smacks me in the head and I reach for my tea or a glass of seltzer. Being clearheaded and sober is the best gift you can give yourself. And you are right - the people on here are amazing. I could not have done it without my friends here. Best of luck to you - we are here for you!

[fragileflower]

Hate myself!

Had a good day today! No drinking....YESSS! I took my l-glut and kudzu. Maybe it's just a "placebo effect", but I really think it is working. I had no cravings or urges. I went to a meeting and it was very good.

I hope you all are doing well!



fragile flower

[jennyneric]

Hate myself!

Good job FF, in the end we already have everything we need! We don't even have to go that far to find it.