My entire family is unhealthy to the point of being sick. Domestic violence among them is rife (with the occasional episode where one of them in particular is almost beaten to death by her partner). Majority of them are either clinically depressed or have intense anger issues. There is substance abuse (mainly prescription codeine and tranquilizers - some of them have been on fairly high daily doses of codeine for decades for their "nerves"). This may sound funny or odd but low self-esteem is ACTIVELY ENCOURAGED within the family. If a family member tries to make healthier choices, get therapy or otherwise leave the family status quo - that person is ridiculed/rejected/emotionally blackmailed.
As a teenager when the emotional aftermath of a childhood full of sexual abuse and emotional abuse began to catch up with me - I began to feel depressed. Unusually in my family I actually requested help and asked if I could go see a psychologist. My family refused my request and instead told me that "life is all about suffering" and that it is "unrealistic" to expect to be happy and that life is meant to be about "living in quiet desperation." Other statements they're fond of making: "Life will always be hard." "Money will always be tight." "Nice things are not for the likes of us - they're for rich people." "You can't expect to have personal happiness - just work till you drop and provide for your future children." "Hobbies? Going out for dinner? Chance would be a fine thing. It's not for the likes of us. We just work for very little pay."
I broke the pattern in that I went to a top university (rest of family left school at 16), did postgraduate study, got a professional job etc. More importantly than that although emotionally I was in as much as a mess as the rest of the family, I was determined to improve myself. I sought therapy as soon as I had enough money to pay for it and it has helped immensely. I am in therapy right now. I also do things like eating healthy foods (my entire family are obese and binge eaters), taking vitamins etc. All of this has had the effect of my family mistrusting me. They don't invite me to their weddings. They don't give me birthday or Christmas presents or invite me to spend those events with them. They've taken photos of me off their walls. When they look at me you can see the open suspicion in their eyes.
They also make weird comments and assumptions. For example I mentioned a flat I was considering buying. A family member (who knows absolutely NOTHING about the state of my finances - I could be a millionaire or a bankrupt for all she knows) said 'Oh YOU can't afford a flat like that! Why don't you try and get something off the council?'
Lately I've been feeling really sad about all of it. This is not family. I have to walk on eggshells when I'm around them and lie about my achievements (ie pretend I've not achieved anything) and I can literally feel myself making myself small and apologetic to fit in with them. Even thinking about them makes me think I need a glass of wine!! I really want to let them go and sever all contact perhaps reducing it to birthday and Christmas cards.
I feel that by pretending these people are my family when really they are not there for me, accepting of me or capable of unconditional love - I am telling myself that any pathetic crumb of pseudo-affection is enough for me and that I don't deserve any better.
I have to praise them and never ever comment negatively on anything they do but they CONSTANTLY criticize me despite the fact they admit they hate their lives and I'm rather enjoying my own life.
As a teenager when the emotional aftermath of a childhood full of sexual abuse and emotional abuse began to catch up with me - I began to feel depressed. Unusually in my family I actually requested help and asked if I could go see a psychologist. My family refused my request and instead told me that "life is all about suffering" and that it is "unrealistic" to expect to be happy and that life is meant to be about "living in quiet desperation." Other statements they're fond of making: "Life will always be hard." "Money will always be tight." "Nice things are not for the likes of us - they're for rich people." "You can't expect to have personal happiness - just work till you drop and provide for your future children." "Hobbies? Going out for dinner? Chance would be a fine thing. It's not for the likes of us. We just work for very little pay."
I broke the pattern in that I went to a top university (rest of family left school at 16), did postgraduate study, got a professional job etc. More importantly than that although emotionally I was in as much as a mess as the rest of the family, I was determined to improve myself. I sought therapy as soon as I had enough money to pay for it and it has helped immensely. I am in therapy right now. I also do things like eating healthy foods (my entire family are obese and binge eaters), taking vitamins etc. All of this has had the effect of my family mistrusting me. They don't invite me to their weddings. They don't give me birthday or Christmas presents or invite me to spend those events with them. They've taken photos of me off their walls. When they look at me you can see the open suspicion in their eyes.
They also make weird comments and assumptions. For example I mentioned a flat I was considering buying. A family member (who knows absolutely NOTHING about the state of my finances - I could be a millionaire or a bankrupt for all she knows) said 'Oh YOU can't afford a flat like that! Why don't you try and get something off the council?'
Lately I've been feeling really sad about all of it. This is not family. I have to walk on eggshells when I'm around them and lie about my achievements (ie pretend I've not achieved anything) and I can literally feel myself making myself small and apologetic to fit in with them. Even thinking about them makes me think I need a glass of wine!! I really want to let them go and sever all contact perhaps reducing it to birthday and Christmas cards.
I feel that by pretending these people are my family when really they are not there for me, accepting of me or capable of unconditional love - I am telling myself that any pathetic crumb of pseudo-affection is enough for me and that I don't deserve any better.
I have to praise them and never ever comment negatively on anything they do but they CONSTANTLY criticize me despite the fact they admit they hate their lives and I'm rather enjoying my own life.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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