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[ATLThrash]

I know drinking is not the answer and I am not even sure that is what I think I want now. I woke up today just absolutely despondent. I have had depression before but this is just a total loss of hope. I guess good that I can admit it but I am close to shutting myself off-- I actually thought about dying today-- I know logically I don't want that but I am so so low. Have not felt this way in years and years. Very very sad. I actually cried for several HOURS today-- not just minutes. Shreiking sobs. In fact I am just about to start again..geesh. I am so sorry folks. I just have no one to turn to now-- hubs is out of town and I feel like a real ass to say I am so sad when I am not even sure why.

[mollyka]

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Oh ATL, you poor thing, you do sound so sad. Sometimes it is good to let it all pour out - however it sounds like it may be a bit more than that. Have you seen a doc about how you are feeling? I went through a truly awful time with depression for the last couple of years - it ruled my life, but I definitely think it was drink-linked. My moods have just lifted and lifted the further I get from that fuel-boozed life I imposed on myself. I did take AD's for a while but to be honest I think I'd have got here anyway. Please stick around tonight and post - maybe go into chat? I don't go there myself cos I find it unsettling but lots of folks seem to find it helpful. I really feel for you but don't be afraid to cry - you don't have to have a reason, the reality of sobriety can be harsh at first tho and sometimes it is good to realise that 'this too shall pass'.
Sending hugs:l
Molly

[Cassia]

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Hey atl,

I find that exercise really helps me when I am depressed. In fact, I credit it with bringing me out of depression two years ago. It can also be quite cathartic!

Hope u feel better soon! X

[NoraC]

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ATL - :l:l:l Sending you some positive thoughts.

[DriftyAlison0]

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Sending you my biggest hug and my thoughts and prayers (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[ATLThrash]

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Thanks-- it may be something-- exercise is great and God knows i need to do more-- the remnants of booze calories are all over my gut-- last night I was talking to a new sort of friend -- don't know her too well-- she was saying she had been so lazy and not exercising but she had quit her job and asked if I woudl join her. I said sure-- she is 5'10", I am 5'7"-- she mentioned she now weighed 145 or something which is great to me-- and said that she had gained since she was 35. I said well-- I know how that is-- did not mention how it came about (I think she assumed pregnancy long ago or laziness-- who knows)-- would love to see 130 -- but it has been 6 or more years. She actually looked at me and Said "I CANNOT BELIEVE you were ever 130". I said yep-- and tried to go on talking about something totally unrelated. And she actually stopped me and asked if I was serious, then stopped her husband in mid sentence (he was speaking to my hubby who left this a.m)--and said "Tony, she used to weigh 130-- can you believe that? Wow". The thing is that I did not feel too bad about this at the time-- more like i just felt that I probably do not want to pursue too much of a friendship with her-- I am doing what I need to do to lose weight, I have accepted it but whoa! I have not thought of that too much today but I am trying to decide why I am so out of sorts-- the thought of exercise triggered that. I have been this way for awhile so I don't think that could be all of it--guess I am sensitive today and just in a funk all the way around. Thanks for listening to me ya'll. Depression is so often related to drink-- I thogt when I drank less or not at all as of late I would continue to feel much better-- but I guess nothing is a cure all!

[mollyka]

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ATl I found being overweight truly depressing in itself my self esteem has rocketed since I lost the booze weight. Molly

[fluff]

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Hi- Atl- Exercise has always made me feel better, too- have you though of seeing a doctor for your depression? He/She may be able to prescribe an antidepressant, to help.
Hope you feel better!

[ATLThrash]

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Have taken so many Ads since I was about 25-- feel better actually off them-- they all seemed to dull me to death-- tried so many SSRIs and then a few that dealt with a couple systems-- Abilify, Pristiq-- horrid and really only a dulling of feeling-- NEVER a high, pretty much malaise on them (not despondency but I do not like to live in malaise). Maybe I just need therapy I feel really bad-- really and I seriously considering crawling back in bed all day. I am sure the booze weight-- but right now I feel like a freaking loser.

[Cassia]

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Atl...you are not a loser and that so-called friend is a jackass. She obviously gets off on putting people down. Lame! I hope you realise that.

As for the exercise thing, why not give it a go for a week and if u don't feel better than maybe you should see your doctor. I think though that you should also consider going to a counsellor to take about it to get to root of your depression!

L x

[Doggygirl]

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Hi ATL. So sorry to read you are feeling so despondent. Are you by chance taking the recommended My Way Out supplements? The amino acids in particular really helped me I think. I got away from that for awhile, and while I didn't drink, things got a little nutty with major mood swings and sugar cravings.

I am currently on the protocol (customized for me based on the questionairre) outlined in The Diet Cure by Julia Ross. Her other book is The Mood Cure. Very interesting information as she makes connections between alcohol dependence and some of these other issues. Might make an interesting read for you.

Mean time, I agree with the suggestion about exercise. That raises beta-endorphin levels and it sure helps me.

All the best to you,

DG