For the first time....

[Wagoneer]

:upset: In my 90 days with no wine or anything, I actually thought about trying to moderate. WHAT THE HELL? I stopped myself immediately, but the pull is there. Out of nowhere. I really don't like that . I am stopping for a cup of tea for my ride home. NOT STOPPING AT THE WINE STORE DAMN IT. I just find it really upsetting that those thoughts came back again. I hate them. :upset: :upset: :upset:

[Cassia]

For the first time....

Hey wagoneer,

I am not as long time sober as you but I had major cravings and thoughts the other day and it sucked. But that's all they are...thoughts. I take it just like any other wishful thinking. Sometimes I think I could just resign from work but I don't do it.
It's just a thought. Or I could jump on a plane and just take off. But I have responsibilities. Hmmm...not sure if I am making much sense. It helps me though. Its just an impulse amd while it can be exciting to be impulsive it sometimes ain't clever.

X

[Shanny5]

For the first time....

Hi Wagoneer,
Your 90 days are truly inspiring:wave:
I'm still working on my next month but just wanted to pop in to lend my support. I often find that even when I'm not craving, the habit of it makes me want to go get one (or 10). I'm starting to see that the psychological battle of breaking the old ingrained responses and behaviors is going to be a long one. I think what you're experiencing must be completely normal. To hear you doing so well, I feel maybe that I can also hope for the same.
I'd love to hear more about your 90 days (and counting) journey. Have you posted a thread somewhere else on here about it?

Go well

[Dewdrop]

For the first time....

Kat,

I've been there and the last time was really difficult so I posted about how much I was struggling and Tawnyfrog from the Undies came along and asked me if I could just stop struggling and let it go and it was the best piece of advice I'd had. Let the thoughts come, acknowledge them and move on leaving them behind. It's all in our mind and we are in control of our mind at the end of the day. You have been a tough cookie so far and have come a long, long way what with the job, family, different schools etc. etc. and of course you will have thoughts of modding, but they are just thoughts. Can you think of them as little clouds that are drifting through your brain - in one ear and out the other :H

Thinking of you :l

Dewdrop :h

[madmans]

For the first time....

Hi Waggy it was a thought and only a thought you didn't let it get to an action or plan, you seen it for what it was and good for you don't beat your self up be happy. I can understand what you mean but you know the demon is always there, some days less some days more.

[caysea]

For the first time....

Hi All
Wagoneer one of the benefits [haha benefit] of my realizing that I am an alcoholic is the total removal of the thought of moderating. I know many here get into the aspect of verbal gymnastics in regards to being able to call themselves an alcoholic. I could care less. Call it what you want but the truth is the same, we will never control al it controls us. When you as an alcoholic realize the worst thing you can do is have a drink the thought of mod doesn't happen.

Don't get me wrong cravings happen triggers happen it is just the actually thought of ME being able to mod doesn't. This time for me getting sober worked because I was finally able to realize I am an alcoholic. In doing so I also realize if the day ever comes and I do take a drink it will control me and the word moderation will be a joke.

It is great to see the hard work you have put in paying off. 90 days is good time you are no longer a drinker but someone working on a sober lifestyle. Always good to see members enjoying the sober life they worked for.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[JackieClaire]

For the first time....

Geez Wagggers,

My heart missed a beat there when I saw the title of your thread.

I'm another one grateful for being able to let go of the thought of moderating. Crikey one glass just wouldn't hit the sides.

These cravings will come and go, gradually getting less fierce over time. But be careful, hun, they're sneaky little devils will jump out when you're least expecting them.

[KateH1]

For the first time....

Well, Wagon, on pushing through the "thoughts of modding". I too, am grateful that I no longer suffer from the deslusional thinking that I could mod. Early in my sobriety thoughts of "Oh I could probably just have one, mayber two drinks.....yeah....maybe I could mod" finally left me when Mags said to me....."Have you ever in your life been satisfied with only one or two drinks?" I burst out laughing...the answer was NO....I want the entire bottle! From that day forward, thoughts of modding has never entered my reality again.

Just keep on workin on yourself and staying AF and it will get much, much easier.

xx Kate

[Ringing Cedars]

For the first time....

You're reaching your goals Waggy and I know you don't want to give that up for anything. You've been such an inspiration to so many. Keep going strong. xo

[Wagoneer]

For the first time....

Hey guys - thanks so much for the kind words. I don't know what the heck has been going on with me. I KNOW I cannot moderate - I really do. Those thoughts really just pissed me off! All I kept thinking was "I AM NOT GIVING IN, SO GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!" and they just kept coming back. What a loon I must sound like. I felt like I had the little angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other - and that feckin little devil had a big glass of Chardonnay - the little bastard. Maybe it's because alot of the people at work are constantly talking about what they are doing this weekend - patries for Superbowl, etc. I don't miss it, so what the hell is going on in this cranium? The feelings eventually passed and reading your words made me feel so better and just reiterated what I know. I cannot drink. The end. I have alot of things going on at home which are really frustrating me and there seems like there is no other way than to suck it up since nothing I can do can change the situation I am frustrated wth. I married into kind of a package deal - my 54 year old brother-in-law lives wth us - and he will never, ever, ever leave. I love him, but sometimes having him around ALL THE TIME gets to me. I just have to deal with it differently. And I can't really smack him upside the head like he deserves alot of the time either. My husband would just run to his rescue like usual. The man can do no wrong in his eyes. I don't think I need meds, but a nice dose of counselling will do me well. Husbandman refuses to go to counselling - his way is the "if I don't acknowledge there is a problem, there is no problem." way. Plan on looking into it for me next week. Anyway, thanks so much for your wonderful words.

[mama bear]

For the first time....

the beast is a bitch isn't it??
You are such an inspiration Wags.....KEEP IT UP!
xoxo

[Popeye]

For the first time....

Wagoneer;1054255 wrote: :upset: In my 90 days with no wine or anything, I actually thought about trying to moderate. WHAT THE HELL? I stopped myself immediately, but the pull is there. Out of nowhere. I really don't like that . I am stopping for a cup of tea for my ride home. NOT STOPPING AT THE WINE STORE DAMN IT. I just find it really upsetting that those thoughts came back again. I hate them. :upset: :upset: :upset:

It still happens to me from time to time, but I do what you just did.
They're just thoughts. Acknowledge them, and let them pass.