Getting to the heart of it all... !

[Change]

Hello,

I know i post some depressing topics sometimes, but i just have to get some feedback and i thought what more of a worthy place than this? You don't have to answer if you don't want to i'm sure you wouldn't, just letting you know, it's okay!).

Okay, so a few months - 1 year ago, i decided i wanted a job in which i could get to the 'heart' of how people felt and into their lives.

Well, people, the Universe has granted me my wish. Although it's not as simple as it would first seem.

First of all, i've realised, you've got to be incredibly resiliant to withstand this sort of scrutiny and feelings every day. I am in a situation where i am looking after people and it's a life / death / health situation sometimes and always is the threat that somebody can take legal action against you. My goodness.

On one hand, i enjoy the responsibility, but on the other, i've realised just what "getting to the heart of suffering, caring and other people's lives" can really entail.

You literally become a part of their life and hence lose a part of your own. You also become a part of their families lives, which can be both a good thing and an engulfing thing at the same time. Sometimes it feels so rewarding, but sometimes it feels so claustrophobic uch:

I guess i think it's all a matter of developing coping strategies for such situations

I know it sounds weird, but in a way, i'm not sure i would trade my situation for another (although maybe i would, because it's tempting). It's just so stressful that i wake up at 4am sometimes and can't get back to sleep, or have to rationalise to myself for an hour in order to get back to sleep.

Just wondering if anybody else has lived on the edge in their profession and how they coped? On one hand, i wanted to "get to the heart of things", where i was having a direct impact into the health and wellbeing of others , but on the other hand, it's so stressful and overwhelming sometimes :egad:

Not really looking for any support, just some comments i suppose, to shed light

[allswell]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

My profession is different from yours however some traits are the same. I am self-employed, my job, to a certain degree, revolves around individuals financial situations, and I deal with alot of client emotion. I rarely get thanked yet will always be blamed. I have to deal with clients that show up late or not at all, don't pay for my services or come disorganized. Everything I deal with is on deadline and every year the same people show up at the last minute. I don't own my business it owns me. I also don't sleep well at night.

I wish I had good advice for how to cope but I don't. I deal with it as just another headache in life and unfortunately have become somewhat numb to it all. I don't like that feeling because it means there's no passion although, and I'm not being cute, I probably never had passion for my profession in the first place. I suppose the best thing I try to do is have some separation from it where possible.

[rubywillow]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

Change, you are on the 'horns of a dilemma'. The work you describe is vital in today's world, but can you honestly say you're ready for it? Up to it? It's no fault if you don't feel you are, because everyone is not. We look from the outside, and have wonderful dreams of changing lives, but the truth is it's hard, very hard. Some will not, do NOT, want to change. We can see the path they should take, but habits are hard to shake. The unfortunate fact is some can not be saved, nor do they want to be.
My daughter delivers babies. There is no more high-risk medical profession today. I won't go into why, but the risks are inestimable. Childbirth used to be the main cause of death for mother and child among women. Times have changed, but the risks remain.
She has had a completely healthy woman deliver, and within an hour, die from an embolism that no one could predict. She has delivered stillborn babies, then dressed and wrapped them, sat with the parents as they looked at the child they lost and had closure with that fact. She is a tower of strength, tough as nails, but lets them see her humanity when they are suffering. She's my hero.
What does your heart tell you? If you still think you can separate yourself when the job is done, you can make a difference. If not, now is the time to look elsewhere. You can't be a sponge and absorb other lives. It is a VERY tricky situation. So give it a lot of thought, and be honest with yourself. And if you decide to go forward with it now, acquaint yourself with the signs of burn out, and be honest enough to quit when it is hurting you and others.
Just my opinion, hon. I'm not an expert, but I hope this gives you something to think about.
Rubes

[Tipplerette]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

Very beautifully said Ruby Willow.

Tips

[lil.michelle]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

Hi hunni,
i work somewhere were i see the death on a regular basis. It is ALWAYS very hard to deal with, understand or except. I think the thing is, you need to be able to disconnect professionally to be able to cope. You need to be able to be 'the professional' who is caring and loving but have that line which you need to be able to draw a line between you and 'the professional' and not cross over. If you can't disconnect yourself then as much as you love your job..its not the right one for you.
Sometime i cry all the way home from work but as soon as i step through that door, tears are dry and my life starts. Work ends.. my life starts and i let go right away and move on. It may sound horrible but if i didn't i'd have ruined my own life.
You can't save everyone and protect everyone. Things happen... unfortunatly thats the way of the world but you need to able to go home and be thankful and happy with what you have and live and be happy NOT worry about 'work people'. I'm worried it keeps you up at night.. personally you are crossing 'that line' and i don't think you're able to let go. Some people are not able too... maybe you need to find a job that is a little less full on...?

[Stargazerlily]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

I also have a similar type job and have times where I worry, and other times where it is ok. I have a ritual when I come home, where I immediately change my clothes, symbolically shedding the cares and concerns of the day into the hamper. I also have a routine when I get home, a good book to read, family to talk to, etc. My personal life begins when I come home. I think most people struggles to let go after work, no matter what there job, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. In the past, alcohol could just drown it out, now, the feelings have to be felt, gone through, and released. Hope this helps.

[rubywillow]

Getting to the heart of it all... !

Star, so odd you mention the clothes. Daughter has a pair of surgical clogs she works in, and they NEVER enter her house. I never thought of that as symbolic, but it is. She's still on call, gets pages, calls constantly it seems, but she deals with it quickly and comes back to her family. I don't know if I could disconnect like she has learned to do, but it keeps things in perspective for her.