What I really don't miss

[autumn]

I just needed to bump this up. I am having a really really bad day, and re-reading these heartbreaking threads reminds me that even though today is tough, my drinking days were worse.

[mollyka]

hang in there Autumn ---- once I stopped thinking of a drink as a 'cure' for those bad days -- that was the key --- the cure is within me -- not in a bottle --- and sometimes things just ARE a bit shit ---- but they pass....... good idea to read back here x

[autumn]

Thanks mollyka so much for replying,

I am not in any danger of drinking. Just completely overwhelmed by emotions today and feeling so low. I have a housefull of family (including a baby, I stuggle with babies on a good day). I have no idea how much longer they plan on staying for, they murmered that they maybe going home on Weds, I just want to scream "I need some space & me time". I have worked so hard on my sobriety and I am trying to play happy hostess, but I cant stop crying. My DH is not being very understanding, and just thinks I am being an unsociable moody cow.

When I get the wobbles I am usually able to take my self off for some solitude and much needed reflection, hypno CD, just reading the posts or my AL books. But I can't do any of that today. I just feel overwhelmed and suffocated.

Really sorry to wail poor me. But this journey and battle is a tough fight on a good day. And today is not a good day. I just want to curl up in bed and get through today quietly. I don' want a baby crawling all over me, or pleasing every one else with what they want to do, eat or watch. I need my quiet space back. Damn I need to get a grip. DH is miffed at me and just can't understand why I dont want to play happy families. Well I don't.

And if that makes me selfish, then so be it. Protecting my sobriety is not selfish.

Sorry Mollyka, heres hoping to a better tomorrow.

[mollyka]

OMG Autumn -- that is PRECISELY where I was a few days ago --- my whole family descended including my daughter and her new(ish) partner from Canada -- so not only endless christmas cooking and baking -- but bedrooms being done up and trying to have enough towels even became a challenge -- and my husband is working 24/7 -- I was truly having (a well deserved tbh) pity party --- which for ordinary folks is fine --- but for us is so bloody dangerous --- I've calmed down now -- the mad christmas festivities being over helps -- but my god I understand everything you say and sympathise 100% -- probably the only thing I can do is throw a cliché at you that helps me - it's from AA --- 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' ;-) vent away honey --- it's THE single best thing you can do...... xxxxx

[abcowboy]

Hi autumn! First, welcome back to MWO and good to see you posting again! So close to your one year, don't want to see you give up now!!

I know what you mean by quiet times, for the past 10 years or so it's been just myself, my wife, and our dog in the house. I'm finally feeling comfortable in my sobriety and lots of noise and commotion bothers me immensely. We spent Christmas Day at the in-laws, and I love them both dearly, but the 1 hour drive home had me thinking how much I could use a nice cold beer! My father-in-law is 85, has advanced dementia, and is hard of hearing. My mother-in-law is from the Ukraine, and prefers to speak Ukrainian with my wife, which I understand very little of. After supper, the FIL and I sat in the living room as he wanted to watch a movie, so I got the DVD in and got the movie started. He turned up the volume to near 3/4 full which was wayyyyy to loud for me and Hank (our dog) Then the wife and MIL came in and sat almost right beside me and started talking mom/daughter things, in Ukrainian of course, and they had to speak loud to hear each other over the TV! They both asked the FIL to turn it down but he flat out refused. It even got too much for Hank and he sat at the top of the stairs and barked to go home lol. After the movie ended, all I could think of was the peace and quiet of home!

Selfish? Not at all! Another hour of that and all my hard work staying sober would have went down my throat in the form of some kind of drink! On the drive home, I told Bubba (wife's nickname) that I wouldn't be putting up with the noise anymore. If I watched TV with the FIL, then they would have to talk in the kitchen. Needless to say, it was a quiet hour long drive home. Do I feel bad for what I said? Nope, because, like you, protecting my quit will always come first!

[autumn]

Thanks Mollyka & abcowboy,

Your kind posts made me cry again, but at least I did not feel so alone! My DH was just not able to understand why I was so upset and teary. I made my apologies and went to bed early. It is DH's side of the family that are staying with us and I left him to play hostess. Obviously I couldn’t announce to the family why I was in crisis & so upset!

But on a good note, even with all the christmas booze in the house for others, there is NO desire to drink. But it was the noise level, and everything else that I just couldn't cope with. As we know, recognising the dangerous warning signs are what keeps us sober. So I am going to quietly bale out today and take myself off to my safe place for a day or two. Booze free! Here’s hoping it won’t cause a row, and I hope he might understand. But the row that will happen if I drink and my marriage imploding will be a whole lot worse!
I really need to protect my quit, as we all do.

Thanks again guys for understanding and listening to my venting. Sorry you’ve been in such a stressy place too xxxx

[satz123]

Sorry Autumn et al but I was delighted to read that I am not the only one who feels like this.
I was beginning to feel i was as odd as my DH makes out sometimes-but no we all need our space.
I found routine a lifesaver in remaining sober and also having a quiet place to escape.

The in-laws invading your home are a bit much eh ? ANYTIME but 'specially in early sobriety.

The plus side is the next time will be easier - you have changed the dynamics that have probably been in place for years - so noses will be out of joint - your DH will need to grow a pair & support you here in the changes you HAVE TO make..

As Cowboy did - lay the ground rules for next time....and feck them.
Stopping drinking can sometimes be the easiest part - it's the knock on effect of things that change too that are hard to get across and let people know about.

[wyldetymes]

Hello Im new - Im not there yet so I still get the sweats and my right eye swells up and turns red - I waiting to write those in this thread 1 day : Great Motivator this Thread

But by far the biggest hate : the night sweats sometimes it like a waterfall whole top half of the bed is wet.

I want to run up behind you all - I hope I can do it

[satz123]

Hello Im new - Im not there yet so I still get the sweats and my right eye swells up and turns red - I waiting to write those in this thread 1 day : Great Motivator this Thread

But by far the biggest hate : the night sweats sometimes it like a waterfall whole top half of the bed is wet.

I want to run up behind you all - I hope I can do it

Of course you can.
If you are serious about getting sober go to the Newbie's Nest - dig out a warm spot - & settle in.
The Army Thread is another place that embraces everyone with a wish to change.
See this weeks' alone huge AF success stories from the Army. 2 years, 3 years, 2000 days ,8 months, 6 months - ALL regular Army folk :thumbs:
Come& visit ?

[mollyka]

Indeed Wylde --- meant to respond to this yesterday and obviously didn't ---- like Satz says --- of COURSE you can do it --- your biggest enemy is your head --- get it in the right place and it's such an easy thing --- if you're fighting with your head -- denying your alcoholism -- it's just a battle from start to finish --- do what I did eventually --- I came out with my hands up (so to speak) admitted that alcohol was a formidable foe and I was willing to do anything I was told to get it out of my life --- no bargaining -- no maybe's ----- and yes -- again I would agree with Satz --- stick with the winners --- I was told that in treatment ---- it's essential that you communicate with people who are serious about fighting this disease - then everyone is on the same page --- the newbies nest is REALLY strong at the moment --- back when I started with the odd exception a lot of people in the Nest including myself were relapsing on a regular basis --- now it has lots of people who are really serious about their sobriety --- Army the same ---

don't worry about the night sweats (don't worry if you are going to stop drinking I mean ) they will go away within days/weeks of quitting - as will all the other horrible horrible side effects of poisoning our bodies..... it is MIRACULOUS -- truly ---- come along ---- this is the best journey you will EVER make.....

[satz123]

Sorry - I meant to comment on the night sweats.
Horrific - along with palpitations as the alcohol left my body about 4 am every morning.
As Molls say - overnight BOTH went........ once I stopped drinking.

I DO NOT MISS THEM >>>>>>

[autumn]

Thanks Guys for all the sound advice.

I took myself for a few days and spent the time quietly reflecting back over the last year. Quite apt as we are starting a new one any moment now.....depending were you are in the world!

Your right, next time bounderies will be set. And a quiet escape plan in place!

I was thinking as always about the things that I really don't miss, and the Hassle of Holidays abroad!

Getting to the airport with only just enough vodka in the water bottle to get through security, as you have to dump it before you go through to departures
Trying to convince DH that you need that litre bottle of booze for the room
Getting a drink at the airport even if its an early flight
Willing the drinks trolley to come around once on board
Where to buy your secret poison once you get there
Hiding your booze in a Hotel room! Now that is tricky
Creeping around the room whilst DH sleeps trying to pour the one that stops the shakes
Making excuses to nip back to the room for a huge top up
Or buying another bottle from the shop and smuggling it back to the room
Hiding the empties on Holiday, now that was hard work.
Knowing the all inclusive bar shuts at midnight......
doesn’t open again till 10am! Too many hours in between.
It's darn hard work sneaking around a Hotel room when you are s stuffed for hiding places. A make-up bag only holds a small bottle! And everything is so noisy with it all being tiled!
The upset tummy, well that was blamed on the food, but a good excuse to rush back to the room with the newly purchased bottle, via the Hotel shop, but the where to stash/hide conundrum continues,
The airport coming home, usually a late flight, airport bar shut or worst a delay!
Back to willing the drinks trolley around when you finally board the plane, and stacking up the miniatures,
Then finally the drive home (by a sober DH) whilst I'm screaming for a drink inside.

Damn, holidays were hard work, I really don't miss that palaver!

[mollyka]

good god Autumn that was MY holiday list --- jesus --- even found a banana tree in a pot once in the Canaries near my hotel room door --- hid the bottle of vodka in there cos the room was too dangerous..... what a sad sack I was..... feeling aggrieved when my youngest always wanted to come back to the room with me --- when all I wanted was to top up the 'water bottle' for the pool......

[autumn]

Oh Mollyka, I never would of dared hide it outside the room, a plant pot! Dear God we have hidden it in some bizarre places. I would of been frantic to of been followed back to the room by a child! That really would of stressed me out. Which is an ironic madness as the whole charade was so stressful. A real mixed bag. Ecstatic to be on on holiday and 'allowed' to drink in the morning but the knowing that when the holiday ends the elephant in the room was coming back home on the plane with me!

Why, why did we do it? Such bloody hard work.

[mollyka]

Oh Mollyka, I never would of dared hide it outside the room, a plant pot! Dear God we have hidden it in some bizarre places. I would of been frantic to of been followed back to the room by a child! That really would of stressed me out. Which is an ironic madness as the whole charade was so stressful. A real mixed bag. Ecstatic to be on on holiday and 'allowed' to drink in the morning but the knowing that when the holiday ends the elephant in the room was coming back home on the plane with me!

Why, why did we do it? Such bloody hard work.

if I had put a 10th of the energy into studying or advancing my career as I did into hiding my drinking at the end I'd be one successful rich cookie!!! It was a very big pot and a very big banana plant and it was sort of 'hiding in full view' -- NO ONE ('cept the person who watered it -- never thought of that) would look in a banana pot for a bottle --- WOULD THEY???

I knew a fella in my aftercare group who wore 'bell-bottom' trousers long after they went out of fashion first time round --- his wife couldn't understand why cos he was achully quite smart --- it was so he could tuck a naggin of vodka into his sock