20 days today

[Trying46]

It has been a really really long time since I had 20 sober days under my belt. I am so looking forward to getting my 30 day chip at AA with at my ladies meeting.

Things in my life are not too good right now. Separated from my hubby and my 17 year old is pregnant. Hubby made us move out because she is pregnant. He said I could come back, but she cannot. I can't leave her alone with all this though. I just wished he would have given me some time to get sober and then make some plans. I was sober when I left but picked up again for about 17 days before stopping again.

It is hard right now but I know that I cannot drink AL. It made me mean and very disorganized. I am going through a lot right now but I know others have it worse. I have a very supportive family and they are there for me.

I really don't want to be with my husband anyway. But I don't like being alone. I have always worked and supported myself. He didn't ever give me any comfort with any problems or grief that I suffered. He only made the problems worse by trying to control so much of my life. He enabled me to drink by taking me to bars and then if he said I could have something to drink he was okay with it. I would order water and go to the restroom to wash my hands several occasions and come back to find an alcoholic beverage that he ordered for me.

I have a very long way to recover and know that most of my problems are from drinking. My hubby blames everything on me. I feel really worthless. I know I have sabatoged many relationships in the past 6 years. I hope that I can mend them by showing folks I am working on change. However I really do not want to be back with my hubby. I also feel like I am walking on eggshells. He is a recovering drug addict and he is very sensitive and judgmental. It is not a healthy relationship. I can stay away from alcohol if I don't have to deal with him. However he texts me and tells me things are my fault so I have come to agree with all of it and admit it is.

I am really trying to keep my job, deal with my daughter, pay my bills and most of all stay SOBER!! He keeps asking me my plans but my sponsor tells me not to take on too much at one time because I need to just make sure I come first and stay sober. If I get too much going on then I can relapse.

I would like to get a new job and move out of Georgia so I could go somewhere new and no one would know my past.

Everybody is talking and it makes it hard.

[mauritiusdodo]

20 days today

Hi there, sounds like you have a lot of things to contend with so just sending you some :l really hope you stick to your AFness and get your pin, congratulations on your 20 days :goodjob:

[Trying46]

20 days today

thank you Sheri.

I will do that and thank you for the support.

I actually think people do not trust me but I have been so good in the last 20 days, I have shocked myself too. I went to a treatment center for the 1st four days and seeing the other folks in there and knowing what they had been through and are still going through scared me enough to make me not want to ever ever go back.

Some people in there were still going to drink or whatever they do after they got out. Those people had been in trouble with dui's and with the law and still were not scared of it. I am truthfully scared of alcohol now.

I am very thankful that I have not been in any legal trouble and do not want to be.

I am just lucky that I never got a dui.

[Guest]

20 days today

Trying

Sounds as if you have made some life-changing decisions. Also appears that your husband has been controlling you via alcohol. Hardly fair when he's been through addiction himself.

[autumn]

20 days today

Trying,

Hang in there, you are doing amazing and very very brave. Life can be so overwhelming and the challange of facing it sober takes a lot of guts and courage.

Please try to stay focused on ODAT, it sounds like your husband will do all he can to see you fail, to make himself feel better? He sounds distructful, just what you dont need.

Sending you :l and will be smiling with you when you collect your 30 day chip

[Trying46]

20 days today

Thank you so much for all the encouragement. Today is day 23 and I am still sober . I am drinking a little too much coffee but plan to cut that down too. At least I enjoy it now. Those mornings when I would be so hungover, I couldn't even drink coffee. YUCK those were horrible days.

I am very lonely right now. I feel like no one wants to talk to me or knows what to say. People at work know that I went to treatment. They also think I am a drama queen. Since I came back, I have limited my conversations that focus on anything going on in my life.

My money is so tight right now and I am very worried about things so I had to get a hardship loan. Some comments were made about me getting it, but it is my money and I need it.

Well I better get back to work and really should not be on here right now. I have a bunch to do but need to get motivated.

Thank you and everyone have a great day.

[rubywillow]

20 days today

Trying, I'm in Georgia, too. Some things you said I don't exactly understand, like how could he put YOU out? Why not make HIM leave? Also you made a lot of comments about what others say/think about you. You have done a wonderful thing, having 20 sober days, and that is a fantastic start on your journey of healing yourself. I would suggest you do NOT discuss your problems with those around you who aren't your trusted friends. This is a good place to pour out your heart, but others don't usually understand.
Fix yourself first. Only then can you help others. And we're here to lend you a hand up. But the work has to be done by you, and it sounds like you are figuring that out. Here for you, hon. If it looks like your directing your actions in the wrong direction, we'll tell you, without judgement, just experience!

[mylife]

20 days today

Trying, you are doing great. Just keep doing what you are doing and things will only get better.

[Trying46]

20 days today

thank you I will hang in there. I am very determined this time to make this work for me.

You all are great to listen to me.

[KundaliniGirl]

20 days today

A pat on the back from me, Trying!! This is a big accomplishment!!

[RudyB]

20 days today

stay strong, woman! pay no heed to the opinions of others. you're doing great! you will get stronger as your sobriety builds upon itself. think of the hardest days as receding into your past. envision a bright future for yourself and your daughter. your thoughts are very powerful. you can do this! we're on your side.
xo rudyb

[Trying46]

20 days today

24 days

Thank you so much Rudy. I can do this I know.

I am just wanting to figure out some fun things to do on the weekend too. Thought about joining a hiking group.

[autumn]

20 days today

Great idea trying, we have formed a dog walking group and go for long walks at the weekend.

I have not a jot of guilt over the pile of ironing thats not getting done:H