I stunned I'm back!!!

[nicelife]

I joined MWO in December 2004 and this program changed my life. I started drinking again just recently, thinking I could be a 'functioning alcoholic' and of course I'm scared witless and don't want to end up right back where I started. I feel that I will be right back into my old dysfunctional, unfulfilling life if I continue doing what I'm doing. The other night we were sharing a bottle of wine and I was ok with that BECAUSE I had another one stashed in the wardrobe and would have a glass of that between topping up our glasses. I'm absolutely terrified I won't be able to win this time..... I can't figure why I had that first drink...... :upset:

[Jolie]

I stunned I'm back!!!

Ceslie,

I was like you - couldn't seem to get enough. Would have several glasses of wine even before going out to drink more wine. Looking back on that I am now seeing that I drank to get that buzz period. Not for the taste, not for the social aspect. I think that's when you know that the AL has taken over and you feel totally out of control.

Hope you stick around and give it a try again. 3rd time seems to be a charm for me - not getting over-confident as I'm only on day 39 but feeling stronger and so much more in control of my life. That's where I want to be and you can get there along with a lot of others on this site. Hang in there friend!

[catch22]

I stunned I'm back!!!

Hi Ceslie, and welcome back to mwo,
Yep its always the first drink that does it, that starts of the craving, and going back to the old ways of Thinking, that denial soon sets in. It looks like you know already what to do, like you said you dont want to go back to that dyfunctional unfulfilling life again, AND it good to be scared it a Warning for You not to carrying on. Am glad you come back to post we are all here to support you, sometimes you might have to shout to be heard.
All the best of luck to you, you done it before and you can do it again.x :l

[mollyka]

I stunned I'm back!!!

Hi ceslie! Welcome back! No matter how long we've been off the drink it's out there lurking! Naturally the warning bells rang when you had the spare in the cupboard. You an I both know where that's going!! I would dump it straight off and do whatever it takes to get a few days sober and some perspective. Functional drinkin--- I wish! Stick around it gives us strength here as u well know:l. Molly

[Flossie]

I stunned I'm back!!!

Hi Ceslie,

I feel that this time it has to be for real that I give up drinking, a couple of weeks back I was terrified that I would never ever give up drinking, I felt as if the power had been taken away for me to do so but with help and encouragement from some lovely people on here I was finally able to step over to being free from AF and I feel great.
I know I was given a chance that I`m sure I will never have again so if I drink again I know I will never ever stop again as I gave 100% this time so I have nothing left to fight with if it ever happens again.
Welcome back to MWO, you know that you can do this again, we are here for you every step of the way and together we will fight this battle and win it, your are worth it.
Love FLo

[mauritiusdodo]

I stunned I'm back!!!

Hi there Ceslie, I am sorry you are back but glad you had the foresight to find this forum again as it is the best support I have found! I too gave up for over a year (kind of enforced due to pregnancy and breastfeeding - but hey some people still drink during that even don't they!) but have slipped easily into my old habits so I know how easy it is, you just convince yourself that this time the drinking will not escalate and that you will be able to control it and not the other way round but as you and I have both obviously found that is not the case, welcome back and I hope you will be successful in your renewed mission to overcome AL