Here goes 60 days!

[jennyneric]

OK so problems. Two really. One I drank last night because I was not going to be able to drink tonight because I have to much to do on Saturday to drink tonight, that is a broken rule cause it's a week night. Two I stayed up till 11:30 cause I was watching my shows and was not tired cause of the drink, so another broken rule not going to bed by 9:30 our 10 at the very latest. Also I guess I took my contacts out and screwed one in the cap so when I went to put them in this morning there was only 1/2 of one! I really wasn't drunk I guess I just was not paying attention. So now I have to wait for the eye doctor to open so I can get some more contacts because, of course, that was my last pair and I had just reordered. That's alot of trouble to go through for 3 drinks! So I got to get a buzz. . .I also got to be tired, aggravated, blind, and late to work.. . .not worth it! OK so now I am shooting for 60 days AF. I did 30, now its time for the next step. I'm gonna bump up my supps and add some of that K stuff I see on here and get Allen Carr's book. I would like to go to a comedy show Saturday at PM for my sis's bday, the last one sober was not all that fun but maybe this one will be different. It is in a much better venue.

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

Day one.

I will post daily to keep myself on track. I can so do this. Today is Friday and Friday is tough but I'm tougher! Bring it on Friday #1! I got this!

[Cassia]

Here goes 60 days!

Hi Jenny,

That's crap about the contact lenses..I hope you managed to get that sorted today.

I personally think you are making a wise move going af since you broke the rules. It's all about tesching yourself better behaviours and I am sure getting 60 days af behind you will help. And then you can go back to modding!

I am 50 days af today and feel amazing for it (well except for my migraine but at least it's not af related!!) why don't u come onto one of the monthly abstinence threads. The af daily one is full of lovely people.

Here to chat if u want.

L x

[Doggygirl]

Here goes 60 days!

Jenny, while it was certainly gut wrenching for me, and took YEARS to finally see that I needed to cut AL entirely out of my life, it's one of the very best things I've ever doen for myself and my loved ones. Looking back, it was WAY WAY WAY harder to try to control my drinking than it has been to quit. Neither were easy, but controlling it is just impossible - what a head banger.

It's funny - as I was reading about your evening last night, I thought about how many times I just refused to see the impact AL was having on me and my life. There are certainly still times when things go wrong. But stuff like the contact lense in the twist cap don't happen with NEAR the frequency today that they did when I was drinking. That might not be your reality but is sure is mine.

Bad things didn't always happen when I drank, but whenever bad things happened, I usually had been drinking.

All the best to you in your quest for 60 days. One day at a time, we can do this.

DG

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

Thanks Cassia and DG for your support. It means alot! Your correct DG, bad things don't always happen when I drink but when bad things happen I've normally been drinking.

I do need to have a plan for Friday though. I think maybe rock climbing with the kids tonight would be fun!

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

Day 2

Well last nite was fun...until I drank till I was blackout drunk,drove,and had several conversation I don't remember. Guess I won't be doing that again. Now to recover.

[Brigitte Bardot]

Here goes 60 days!

jennyneric;1058968 wrote: Well last nite was fun...until I drank till I was blackout drunk,drove,and had several conversation I don't remember. Guess I won't be doing that again. Now to recover.

I'm sorry honey, blacking out is a very scary thing. Maybe it's time to go AF and not even think about moderating right now. :l

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

BB I really dont think I can mod at all. I certainly am not going to try and time soon. AF for me.

[Doggygirl]

Here goes 60 days!

Jenny, I'm sorry to read about what happened. Very scary stuff - I'm so grateful that you got home safely.

I really do understand how difficult it is to release that ray of hope of being able to drink safely someday. That was very hard for me to do. Now when I look back on my drinking past, and also my early sober time where I still longed to drink, I realize how sick I really was. Why on earth would I want to ingest a substance that is toxic to my body, and take all the incumbent risks that come with it? It just doesn't make sense to me now. However, I sure clung to that idea for a loooooong time.

Thank God you are safe. Today is a new day.

DG

[rubywillow]

Here goes 60 days!

Jen, modding is such a tease to get here for many, but it get's us here. Some CAN mod. Most, at this point, cannot. And blackout drunk is a BIG sign.
Take this time to remember. And the longer you're sober, the less important AL will be. There's a good life out there. And it can be yours. Aim even higher, hon. Aim for 6 months, a year. It's easy once you get past THE POINT (you know what I mean) and don't think, like a donkey with a carrot on a stick, there's a drink at the end of your journey.
Best to you, dear.

[Cassia]

Here goes 60 days!

Hey jenny,

Sounds like you had a pretty scary experience last night. I hope today was better. I also hope you find the peace you are seeking.

I wish you well.

Xx

[momof3]

Here goes 60 days!

Very scary stuff here Jennyeric,

I cringe to think of the number of times I drove drunk; not remembering how I got home. I am thankful that I did not kill someone. I would never have been able to forgive myself.

This is a huge wake up call for you. I wish you the best,

M3

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

Day 2. I feel a little better. I have been taking the L-glut and just resting. I hate that I have spent December and January treating my body well and feeling great just to tare it down all in one night. Not to mention my relationship with my husband. I have been working on that since October and building trust and then I go out and stay out till one in the morning. I just wanted to have some fun. Not sure what part of that was fun. I really need to get the Allen Carr book and find something to do with my kids on Friday that doesn't involve drinking. I think I will go to the vitamine shoppe and get some more supps. I want to read up on here which ones are good.

[jennyneric]

Here goes 60 days!

Dealing with the guilt, remorse, and consequences of drinking is hard. Quitting drinking is hard. Choose your hard.
This quote from DG is my inspirations for the AF journey. That and I watched a movie with a friend yesterday and in it this guy says "If you keep knocking at the devil's door sooner or later someones gonna answer" when I think about how much knocking I've been doing, especially on Friday night, I know I need to turn away from that door and RUN cause my lucks about to run out and my family can't afford that to happen to me. I am so depressed today because of the AL and how it is effecting my serotonin and dopamine levels, it will be two more days till I'm back to my normal happy self. Crap why did I choose the wrong "hard"?

[Nichau]

Here goes 60 days!

Hey jennyneric and all,

Wow! Really good to be back in the Community after having been gone/out-of-state for the past ten days.

j, what you're going through is really striking a chord with me. After 31 days AF, my sister-in-law flew me to where they are to lend support for my bro who has alcohol (and other) problems. I was on a 30-day AF high, feeling great, feeling I could change the world. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that cut-and-dried, and I actually backslid (a lot) when I was there.

So...I'm headed back on the wagon, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after. I feel confident that you'll get back on track, j.

And, I am very grateful for this community! :thanks: