A question for the long term AF peeps

[Charlotte's Web]

Hi All,

I just wondered when you stopped feeling vulnerable.

I am on a high protein diet which has completely knocked the cravings and desires on the head. It's great and I feel good. But habit drinking creeps up on me.

I am so proud of my progress this year but at 6.20 this evening, I realised it was drinking time. I didn't crave a drink, I didn't want a drink but the habit was calling. The evening news was on TV, I was preparing dinner so therefore drink time.

But when does this stop? When do you stop being on guard and policing yourself?

I know I am not out of danger but what happens when you don't want a drink, don't crave or fancy a drink but the thought still pops into your head?

[JackieClaire]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Hi Charlotte,
At the end of my drinking 'career' I didn't have a witching hour, I ashamed to say. Any time, anywhere.

But when I did first go AF this time round the block that old familiar feeling of a glass in hand making the dinner came sneaking back. The first 30 days were just shoving something in the oven running away from the stove and slapping it on the plates or getting a take out.

Then I started to make the meals during the day stews, curries, bolognese so I could just do a quick serve up. I know I'm lucky enough to be at home all day. That took another 30 days or so. Now I'm fine. Shove me in front of a cooker now any time of day and I'm away rattling those pots and pans.

Just a thought could you possibly do a load of batch cooking one morning/afternoon.

[Gaia]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Why not go to the AF sections and read some of the threads? Maybe that would give you some insight.

With love,
T.

[jennyneric]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Great answer JC, I to struggle with this problem.

[rubywillow]

A question for the long term AF peeps

I think there will always be some feeling of our vulnerability. Like having a medical condition we have to keep in mind, it's just 'there'. But it doesn't have to control our lives. Like JC said, switch things up a bit. We're creatures of habit, and certain things ring our bells.
When we were in school, we were conditioned to the structure of the days. Leaving school, all the unexpected freedom was exhillerating, but scary. Some of us made made a LOT of trial and error mistakes, until we adjusted to a new reality.
Take the times you used to drink, and begin a new ritual; walking, reading, phoning friends, or coming here and posting. Like all good things, it takes time. But the new feeling of freedom is worth it.

[spuddleduck]

A question for the long term AF peeps

im not long term af but i do have a word of warning. i dont know how long you have been sober. last year i had 3 af months... i would say a fairly easy 3 months. towards the end of this i started to feel reasonably free from the vulnerability.... then wham.... it hit me. i drank and have been struggling ever since. i dont want to dishearten you but be on your guard for a while.

[papmom3]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Hi CW,
During my first few months, I did "retail therapy" on my way home. My former habit was to get home as quickly as possible, stop at the liquor store on the way and esp. during the summer, get out on the deck with a nice big glass of wine and the newspaper as soon as I could. It was all downhill from there. Usually ended up snacking on junk until I passed out. So I switched it up and did errands on the way home or just walked through the mall until it was 7 or so. Then I either went a different way home so i wouldn't pass the bottle shop or I sang as loud as I could if I had to pass it. Once I got home, I felt safe and got busy taking care of the animals (something I had sorely negleted almost every nite for the past few years) and hopped on to this site after having a fairly healthy meal. Before I knew it I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open so off to bed I went. I can't tell you how wonderful it was (and is!!) to wake in the morning unhung and with eyes wide open. Hope this helps!!

:l

[Lavande]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Hi CW,

Papmom has the idea - change habits, change schedules, change your thinking!
I was a great one to start drinking wine while cooking dinner then just continue until I passed out. I did it out of boredom, chronic depression & most of all lonliness.

I made a good plan for myself, starting with finally kicking the depression once & for all. I made a huge point of changing habits including my long term negative thinking. The Hypno CDs helped make me feel stronger & more confidant. Learning to distract myself during the late afternoon & evening helped me to develop new & healthier habits

[Guest]

A question for the long term AF peeps

JackieClaire;1059986 wrote: Hi Charlotte,
At the end of my drinking 'career' I didn't have a witching hour, I ashamed to say. Any time, anywhere.

But when I did first go AF this time round the block that old familiar feeling of a glass in hand making the dinner came sneaking back. The first 30 days were just shoving something in the oven running away from the stove and slapping it on the plates or getting a take out.

Then I started to make the meals during the day stews, curries, bolognese so I could just do a quick serve up. I know I'm lucky enough to be at home all day. That took another 30 days or so. Now I'm fine. Shove me in front of a cooker now any time of day and I'm away rattling those pots and pans.

Just a thought could you possibly do a load of batch cooking one morning/afternoon.

I don't suppose you could send some of that my way?Sounds very tasty, I don't 'do' cooking and could do with borrowing the odd stew for visitors!

[aust_boy]

A question for the long term AF peeps

I don't think I ever really had a 'time' for drinking. Any time / any place / anywhere was good if 'it' hit me. Those blinkers go on and you just need to alcohol - well I did. Looking back I know now the fact that I drank at all was because of other underlying emotional issues / unhappiness / avoidance of things I had to do but just kept putting off, almost to the point of insanity.

I found I had to finally bite the bullet and face the fact that something that started out as as drink here or there to ease my 'woes' had spiraled hopelessly out of control. It had turned me into a person that just wasn't me and I realized I was letting myself down, I was letting my family down, and knew I was going to end up in jail or dead. I just didn't see it going down any other way.

Once I started peeling back the layers and layers of metaphorical bandages I had slapped on untreated wounds over the years and actually started treating the wounds I found that instead of festering they actually started to heal and my need to drink every day eventually dissipated.

I don't actually think I was an alcoholic, I think I was a very very troubled drinker, but honestly... Tom AHto, TomAEto right? Some say that alcoholism is a disease that you will wake up to every day regardless of the things you do and just have to face wanting to drink all over again. Well I don't believe that and could not let myself believe that if I was going to get better. Something that really helped with this was realising that "everything stayed the same". By that I mean the only thing that changed when I drank were my thought patterns - I still looked the same, was in the same financial situation (if not slightly worse for the alcohol I had just bought), things were still waiting for me to do, nothing actually changed - it may have felt like paradise but I was just changing my THOUGHT patterns temporarily. I realised I needed something long term and alcohol was at best 'constant one nighters' rather than a solid relationship.

I can honestly say that I am in a place now where day to day I actually tackle the things I used to avoid and I am getting there with the emotional stuff. The wounds are healing. (lets not even go into actual physical wounds as a result of drinking here, compared with the emotional wounds they are nothing).

It's funny you know, if you turn around, and just start walking in the right direction, no matter how slow, you will eventually start to see what looks like a goal post up ahead. It might be a bit hazy for a while but you'll start to see it.

You sound like you are very much in the moment right now and that is exactly how I was - I had to really remove myself and look at the big picture for all it was worth. I wasn't able to conquer anything in the moment.

Stay strong and be brave!

[bugalugs]

A question for the long term AF peeps

aust_boy,
Great post, just what I needed to read tonight.
I think that post in the haze is begining to take form.
Thanks

[KundaliniGirl]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Fantastic post Aust Boy! Thanks!!

KG

[aust_boy]

A question for the long term AF peeps

My pleasure.

Good luck to you both!

[LVT25]

A question for the long term AF peeps

Dear Charlotte,

I have to agree with Papmom and Lav. It is really important to change up your routine and habits. You can retrain your brain, but it takes effort and practice. I used to hurry home almost every evening to start drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. It helped me to get some stuff done after a long day at work. When I quit, I did a number of things, but instead of beer I drank Diet Pepsi (in a can) or tomato juice. I spent a lot of time on here, and a lot of stuff didn't get done around the house or yard/garden. I stayed away from the activities that I liked to do while drinking beer (many). I started watching cooking shows, and tried out some new recipes. I went to bed early.
The main thing you should know is that it IS possible! It's not easy, but trust me when I say it is SO worth it!