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    #1

    Why is being positive such hard work?

    Hi all

    I am really looking for some thoughts/advice.

    One of the most welcome changes in my life since I stopped drinking is that my optimistic and positive self came back with a vengeance. It is a very important part of my recovery to try and stay positive when I am in stressful situations, particularly at work. I have tried to adopt the attitude that there is no point in worrying about things out with your control and for the most part I have been pretty successful. But damn, it's been hard this week.

    I was bombarded with negative energy when I got into work today. It actually got to the point that I said how draining it was - negative negative negative all the time - it's really soul destroying. No one said anything which was disappointing. The day got better mainly down to a bit a retail therapy and some good work being accomplished but it still was difficult.

    I had a particularly crappy phone call this week with a recruiter as well. It seems to be all about the problems I will experience trying to move home and not about constructive advice and solutions. I have had a few great phone calls but this one got me down. It's hard to be told that you have nothing to offer (which I don't actually believe but it's not nice to hear).

    Sorry - I have kinda started rambling but I just wanted to hear about your coping mechanisms, experiences and how you stay positive. I need some serious positive energy right now.

    Thanks for listening - I am not thinking about drinking - what a waste of nearly 60 days that would be and the last thing I am is a quitter.

    xxx
    'Breakfast, every hour, it could save the world.' Tori Amos

    "Turn a stumbling block into a stepping stone."

    AF since 23rd December 2010 - progession is paramount! :truce:

    "don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happened!"
    Tags: None
    #2
    Why is being positive such hard work?

    Cassia - I can totally relate. I am really trying to snap myself out of this funk and go back to the big positive spaz I usually am (hoping the Lexipro kicks in soon) - but I am just positive normally and am surrounded by life-sucking negative people at every turn. They actually make fun of my positive outlook. It is difficult sometimes. I sometimes just walk outside the office to kind of shake off the negative vibes. An in-house masseuse would help too though....lol! Stay positive and happy - screw the rest of them!
    February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

    When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

    Comment

      #3
      Why is being positive such hard work?

      This has really helped me in the past few months guys...


      101 Ways To Be Happy And Prosperous
      "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

      AF 10th May 2010
      NF 12th May 2010

      Comment

        #4
        Why is being positive such hard work?

        This may sound silly, but it is a full moon tonight. Hang in there Cass. xo

        Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


        St. Francis of Assisi

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          #5
          Why is being positive such hard work?

          In applied kinesiology: put your tongue against the roof of your mouth, the tip about a quarter of an inch behind the upper front teeth and push lightly. This is considered to centre your energy. You can also tap above the thymus gland 3 times.

          Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


          St. Francis of Assisi

          Comment

            #6
            Why is being positive such hard work?

            Hi Cassia. Sorry to hear you are having a rough week. I realize looking back that I just never wanted to accept that life has ups and downs. Lot of that is outside of my control. For years and years - my whole adult life until a few years ago, my solution was to drink. It was a bit of a shock to my system when I stopped drinking, but had no tools to cope with life's natural ebb and flow any other way. I've had to develop new ways of dealing with it.

            My two very favorite tools are the serenity prayer and my gratitude list. The serenity prayer acts as my "filter" to evaluate situations that have me stumped. I try to figure out whether the problem is one of acceptance - accepting something I cannot control or whether it is one of resistance to a needed change.

            My gratitude list is something I review and add to all the time. I have SO MUCH to be grateful for in this life. But when I'm caught up in a problem, I lose perspective. Getting out my list and reading it, and working on adding to it helps keep me centered.

            Life and the people in it will not be perky all the time. I can accept that today without drinking over it.

            Strength and hope to you!! You are doing such a good job grabbing onto the sober life and figuring out how to live well in it. You will figure this situation out too.

            DG
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

            One day at a time.

            Comment

              #7
              Why is being positive such hard work?

              Cassia we all cant be positive all the time and we all get a bit down now & then,I have read this before and it might help you,...Negativity acts as a protective psychological shield, or wall, but in doing so, it also limits your interactions with others.

              Maintain a positive outlook, and be determinedly optimistic, even when the circumstances don't warrant it, for the benefits it will bring, later. People who do this live happier, healthier and longer lives. Doctor Wayne Dwyer once said: "Negative emotions are preceded by negative thoughts". It is important to deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately.

              When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser?" or even: "I can't do this/will never get over this!", recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from progress. Having identified and labelled it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!"

              You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now".

              Use a relaxation method daily, like http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-? or Alternative Medicine - Everything You Need to Know About Alternative Medicine or How to Meditate - wikiHow or the Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises, only, at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/l.h? Alternatively, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. There is also a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind) "Even though I sometimes suffer from negativity, I deeply and completely accept myself." See Natural Health Information Articles and Health Newsletter by Dr. Joseph Mercola SEARCHBAR: "EFT", & "EFT therapists", or EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) When practised regularly, they will enable you to find a way of being; awareness, without suffering, when you need it, and is a valuable tool for helping you through the worst parts of life. Replace negative thoughts, or images with positive ones. If using an affirmation, such as: "I want to be more positive, every day" or "yes; I can do this", etc., make sure it is one you choose, which you feel comfortable with. It takes 30 - 40 repetitions, to establish a new habit, with most people, so I estimate a similar amount, here.

              "Even if we have some vague idea that we are not our feelings or our thoughts, when we are experiencing painful feelings or painful thoughts, we believe we have to feel them or think them just because of the fact that they are occurring to us. But painful feelings can be indirectly controlled by physical action, and changing our present thoughts for different thoughts (since feeling occurs as a result of thinking.) Painful thoughts can be directly controlled by choosing replacement thoughts for the ones that are troubling us. Sure, it takes some practice to change a lifetime habit of suffering. But it can be done. Of course it can't be done if we choose to believe that it can't be done. But, since the choice is ours, why not choose to believe it can be done, and do it?"
              Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy. If not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has ones on developing a powerfully positive attitude, and developing powerful optimism.


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

              Comment

                #8
                Why is being positive such hard work?

                one2many;1062379 wrote: This has really helped me in the past few months guys...


                101
                Ways To Be Happy And Prosperous
                One of my favourites was # 48 Negative talk is detrimental

                Instead of saying to your child, "don't bang the door", say, "close the door gently"-this is because the mind has a tendency to not register the negatives. Also, try phrasing sentences in the present and in positives.

                For instance, if you wish to develop your memory say: "My memory is perfect." Don't say: "I don't have a bad memory."
                Tipplerette

                I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                ? Lao-Tzu

                Comment

                  #9
                  Why is being positive such hard work?

                  Cassia,

                  I heard something years ago...........

                  Some days you eat the bear
                  Some days the bear eats you

                  Point is we just can't control people & situations at work. Best we can do is just let it go at the end of each day, don't hold on to stuff.

                  You are doing great, keep it up
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why is being positive such hard work?

                    I have been struggling with this myself, just as i get my positive head on something else happens and I am back in the doldrums, a friend of mine has been seeing a psychic healer who said she needed to avoid all negative situations possible like not watching or reading any crime/ murder type films and books and avoiding friends who were in a negative frame of mind - now these can be done but if it is at work you are finding these problems I don't know?! Maybe write a list of reasons to be cheerful that you can look at if a situation arises? Or some mantra to chant in your head - think I might try both of these!

                    Doggy IKWYM I have always wanted to believe that life was some sort of fairytale and when anything went wrong that was me blocking it out by drinking!
                    Taking it ODAT

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Why is being positive such hard work?

                      Hi Cassia, I am sorry that you had a few tough days. The great news, is that you did not reach for a bottle.

                      I am a positive and optimistic person, like yourself. I don't let the word "suck", like in "that sucks", be used in my house. When I work with groups, I tell them to leave their negative vibes at the door. Regardless, some days are tough. I honestly find, for me, a day or two before the full moon, is when if ever I tend to be cranky and a bit on edge sometimes - I am not sure if this is a factor for you.

                      I work with some people who don't build bridges, who don't try to solve problems - they just complain, and it is frustrating. Hang in there. The world, your office, your family and friends, need positive people. They are little bits of magic that get sprinkled on the days of others.

                      Hill
                      Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Why is being positive such hard work?

                        Thanks everyone. Lots of great advice here...I al going to give each bit a try!

                        Xx
                        'Breakfast, every hour, it could save the world.' Tori Amos

                        "Turn a stumbling block into a stepping stone."

                        AF since 23rd December 2010 - progession is paramount! :truce:

                        "don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happened!"

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Why is being positive such hard work?

                          I also can totally relate.. my coping is simple.. pop my ipod on, listen to some happy music... quick fix. If that doesn't work, i tend to just sit down and try to pick the good/ok out of every situation. I know it's hard sometimes but say we only get to live once... lets live it positivly!!!!!!! If soeones sayng you have nothing to offer (job wise).. think... Oooo what can study.. or how about a career change.. maybe moving to another city to find a job...
                          As for moving home... it's stressful but keep thinking about the house you want, what you'll do to it ect ect...
                          Go for a run... that used to help me. I can't do that anymore cause of my back so i take thedog out for looonngg walks and try pick the beauty out in the enviroment!

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