an explanation

[Bruunhilde]

an explanation

Spud, the one thing I don't think ANYONE should feel bad about is posting here whatever is in your life/heart/mind, we are supposed to be able to let it all hang out. (Correct me if I'm wrong, anyone).

As long as you're not harming anyone, consider this forum a type of therapy, I am starting to. Alot of AL people are super-sensitive, and use AL for coping, so I think many of us could relate to your ramblings. Some people can only open up and share while drinking. At least you weren't driving heavy machiner! I certainly relate to your post here today!

[hippie37]

an explanation

One thing that has helped me to reach a place of forgiveness is to realize that our parents are human too and did the very best they could with what they knew under the circumstances. Of course, we can't rationalize that in our minds when we're children, but we also don't have to keep letting what happened define us as adults.

Very wise words Sheri. I've done some work myself around family systemic beliefs and a lot of what we believe to be true about ourselves or our core beliefs are not real. All's it takes it one remarks to be taken the wrong way as a child (for example "SHUT UP, YOU'RE STUPID!") and we start believing that about ourselves. Is that really true? Am I worthless? Am I inferior? Am I unlovable? Am I different? etc. I grew up with all these kind of beliefs about myself through conditioning at home and at school.

I've just been at a workshop this week-end on Appreciative Living that incorporated some of "The Work" by Byron Katie. She's also written a number of books; one called "Who Would You Be Without Your Story.
Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues With Byron Katie: Amazon.co.uk: Byron Katie: Books

Here's the website too. The Work of Byron Katie

It may be a tool for you to question your thought process and see things differently. As Sheri mentioned in her post, when you start to see things more clearly around this stuff it will become easier to accept that our parents are not ogres or devils etc. Think of the generations that have passed down certain behaviours because that's the only way they could cope with life situations at that time. My Gran was a stickler for stocking up on certain foods and making sure she always had extra supplies of lots of things in her flat (toilet rolls being an example). She did this because that was how she grew up with her mother during the war. Guess what? My mum does it as well!!!

We have a tendency to discredit our family history and bring everything into the present and about us. Our pasts are our greatest assets because it's through that, that we awaken to our purpose in life through transcending our parents' conditioning. History still repeating itself? Then make yourself aware of the changes that need to be made.

Don't be too hard on yourself, or your familly for that matter.

Many Blessings
Phil

[Mish]

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Spuds, you're just grand, girl! Such sound advice here, so I won't repeat what's been said, but you have my love and support always.

[spuddleduck]

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very wise words ringing very true with me. i do realize that i have to work through other things as well as alcohol issues and advice here is a step in the right direction. thanks again lovely people

[Kimberley]

an explanation

Spuds,

A great big :l to you. I am glad you felt you could vent that here - so many of us have used alcohol to push down and bury episodes from our past and the feelings they engendered. If you don't get what you're feeling out verbally, it will come out in some other way - your behaviour, acting out, drinking. So speak up and share -this is a safe place.

Sheri, as usual you are spot on

K x