Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

[Bean]

I really recommend watching this 20 minute talk on TED.com. - "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown.

She talks about how we react to and deal with vulnerability in our lives. The part that most stood out for me was this.

"You cannot selectively numb. When you numb the hard feelings, you also numb joy, creativity, happiness...we look for purpose and meaning which makes us feel vulnerable and so then we numb".

So true. That was my reason/excuse for drinking for a very long time - that it was the only thing that allowed me to switch off from all the things in life that stressed, worried or frightened me. After a few drinks I felt like the world was peachy and I stopped fretting about the future etc. But over time, the numbing robbed me of all the good bits too. That's when I knew it was time to stop.

At 60-something days AF, I am feeling wonderful. My friend told me the other day that I'm like a new person - happy nearly all the time. It's true.
I also realised that I don't hate myself any more which is such a blessing. If you are struggling with giving up AL, keep trying and trying some more. You can do it.

Bean

[KateH1]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Hi Bean,
Well done on 60 Plus AF Days!! By the way....I love your signature! "I'D RATHER BE AN EX-DRINKER WITH AN OCCASSIONAL DESIRE TO DRINK, THATN A DRINKER WITH A CONSTANT DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING".....That is so TRUE!

In regards to "numbing", I never realized how numbed out I was during my drinking days. I was simply not present in my own life. Like you, I am now fully present in my life and I truly love "Feeling My Own Life".

Keep up the great work Bean!! You are an inspiration!!

XX Kate

[lolab]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Bean, that is an amazing post. "When you numb the hard feelings, you also numb joy, creativity, happiness" SOO true!!! I had the kitchen tv on yesterday afternoon and David Arquette was on Oprah....(sorry if this seems off topic - I'm only on day 12 and therefore have an excuse - LOL)

Anyway, I started thinking that he seems like a very sincere and very emotional person, and my thoughts went from there to people in my life that I know drink to excess - and an often common theme is that we "feel" things very deeply. I know that I'm very very emotional and love my familly fiercely...I wonder how many people actually "numb" to keep from feeling that kind of overabundance of emotion? it's not actually stress, or worry...or maybe it is - because I do worry about all of us getting older and illnesses and whatnot - driving on slippery roads, my son growing up and leaving home and the challenges he'll be faced with, etc...

Sorry, I'm rambling again. I'm glad no one here charges by the hour - lol.

Thanks for your post and congratulations to you - I hope to soon be where you are. :-)

[damo180]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Cheers Bean, great post. Well done on staying AF, keep it up, I,m right behind ye

Lolab, keep going, 12 days,excellent work, and Kate,3 yrs AF, hopefully I can say that one day..............

[KundaliniGirl]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Great post Bean. Thanks and well done on your AF days!!

[myhappyplace]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Thanks Bean, well done as usual. See, I'm not the only one you inspire!

ps one lap around the dog park RUNNING in an orderly fashion with people visible. And they werent watching me so I cant have been looking that strange. Working my way up to running up there and back too now.

[Lavande]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Thanks Bean,
I just watched this - very interesting!

Congrats to you on your 60 + AF days

[Bean]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Evening all.

Kate: thanks for your post. I think I recall your daughter writing a message of thanks to MWO around 3 years ago for helping you get sober. I am so happy for you to hear that you are still AF. That is seriously inspiring.

Damo: good job on racking up the weeks. I remember that you started this journey kind of secretly (not telling your family) though I assume you have told them now? So glad you are sticking with it and feeling good for it.

Lo, KG and MHP: hey! good to hear from you. You know that saying "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"? I think the one place it doesn't apply is going AF. Keep saying no to the booze and you will notice all sorts of changes happening all the time. Looking better, feeling better, more energy, rise in self esteem, confidence, happiness, more money etc etc.

Keep up the running MHP and you will see results very fast! Before I started running, I would look at anyone who was doing it, no matter what their shape and size and ADMIRE them for getting off their butts to get moving. I bet you are your own worst critic.... Looking forward to hearing from you again when you are running to the park and back too!

Have a great weekend all.
Bean

[Chillgirl]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Bean - great to read your observations and hear how happy you are. After reading Lolab's comments I got to thinking about the people I know who are heavy drinkers and I see a common similarity in that they are not people who are very emotionally expressive. The numbing out is definately a drinkers trait and as you point out it's not just numbing out the challenges in life but also the joys. There's a great line in a fav song of mine which is "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all" and that's exactly what I have learned. Even when things are tough these emotions are what makes me feel alive.

[mollyka]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Bean that is a lovely post and so very true. I know what you are saying with the numbness. I found when drinking, like you everything went out and the'buzz' took over, but when sober the anxious sad worrying thoughts remained - because of the booze, and then I drank again. What I 'numbed out' was joy, in latter drinking days I struggled to get happiness (and didn't truth be told) even out of major events in my life - kids exam results, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries etc. etc. they were just 'joyless' and I had to pretend excitement - isn't that awful! Today I'm meeting up with some mwo folk and I'm like a little girl going to her first birthday party - I've butterflies in my tummy and I'm humming going round the house - what do we rob ourselves of!
Thank you thank you for making me realise what I've got back
Molly

[mollyka]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Oh and serious congrats on your 60+ days!

[dancingon]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Great post, Bean. I can identify with the drinking to numb and the fact that it numbs all else too. It happened subtly with me. Six months ago I wondered if I needed anti-depressants as I realised I was missing life's peaks and troughs - everything felt flat. Now after only a month AF I feel that alcohol was keeping me depressed, because I feel so much more like my old self now. I actually felt playful and bubbly today and I thought I'd forgotten how to do playful. It is so nice to be present in your own life and that of your family.

[mollyka]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

Ditto Dancing!!

[lolab]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

mollyka;1066325 wrote: in latter drinking days I struggled to get happiness (and didn't truth be told) even out of major events in my life - kids exam results, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries etc. etc. they were just 'joyless' and I had to pretend excitement - isn't that awful!

:thumbs:
wow, i will never stop being astounded at how someone can so eloquently put my feelings into coherent thoughts and words...we're all very different but so very similar...

[lolab]

Shame, guilt, vulnerability...

forgot to say, Have a great meet up Molly!!!