a year on

[spuddleduck]

I found mwo a year ago and am reviewing where I am now. Mwo was the springboard for me to have 3 fantastic sober month, previously I had only managed 5 af days in a row once in over 2 years. Since then I have been dipping in and out of drinking and am now drinking once a week (always a binge), very occasionally twice a week. I am by no means where I want to be, which is to have control over alcohol, either by total abstinence (the only real answer I think) or moderating (which I know isn?t really possible for me). What I now have is the knowledge that I am not alone, which in itself is a lifesaver, I have a place to come for advice and support. I have information about potential lifesaving drugs, I know there are people out there who have beaten this beast. This time last year I was depressed, anxious, full of regrets, guilt, remorse, self hatred. I really couldn?t see a way out of this horrible cycle. I am a hell of a lot happier now and drinking so much less than I was, and I can see there is a way out.
Ok im not there yet but I have one huge magical drug? HOPE.
SO I WANT TO SAY A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE AT MWO.. Ive been good, ive been bad but thank god im here
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
:thanks::thanks::thanks::thanks:

[dancingon]

a year on

Hi Spuddle
I remember you from a year ago when I was having trouble stringing together 5 days too. Good to catch up with what you're doing now. Congratulations on drinking so much less than you were. It has to be good for you. If you're not happy with the binging, I guess you have to make a new plan. Are you thinking that you're ready to go AF forever, or is that too much to contemplate at the moment?

I'm a month AF now, and not kidding myself that I've made peace with the monster yet, but I do feel I have more power now.

[mollyka]

a year on

Hey Spuds, delighted you are on the upward curve! I too have had my cock ups during the last year, but at this stage I'm aware it is 100% mindset for me anyway. The cravings and urges are gone, just that stupid little buried (most of the time) part of my brain that say's 'it's ok'. For me its not ok - not once, not ever, and I still have to conquer that little part. Like you say, we are still here, and yes Dancing, the powerful feeling does grow doesn't it!
Molly

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

a year on

Good stuff Spuds, I am glad you are still here with us, still trying. I understand very well where you are coming from. Never lose hope the only way is up really, no looking back.

[betty boop]

a year on

Spuds, I think it is really great how far you have come in the past year .... :l

[hillsidetime]

a year on

Hey Spuds, it is good to hear that you are in a better place this year, and that you have hope, to continue your battle and progress. You can do it.
Hill

[KundaliniGirl]

a year on

Hi Spuds,

Just wanted to say that I too understand what you're saying -- that you're not exactly where you want to be but that you've progressed and see improvement. That alone is huge. For some of us, it's a process. Others seem to do it quickly and stick with it. I think the fact that you're still here and trying speaks volumes. Hope you get to where you want to be -- we are all in the same boat. I love this site so much - just to have people who understand the struggle and are here for us whenever we need it is an amazing testament to the goodness of human beings. Whenever I get down -- what I call "globally depressed" about the bad stuff we hear every day on the news, I can find solace here. More importantly, I find invaluable information about how living without alcohol can be a good thing. Even though I'm modding right now, I could see myself eventually going back to AF just because it has so many upsides compared to drinking. Wishing you the best.

xx,
KG

[spuddleduck]

a year on

thanks again, and for your responses. its easy to expect nothing of people, and here i have had everything. until this time last year i had never really addressed my drinking, certainly never even thought I could stop. perhaps i was in denial, i had times where i would try and drink 'normally' and i know you know how that went. i think the biggest gift i now have is that i am aware. aware that i dont drink 'normally' and probably never will, and aware that there are other people like me. believe me i used to talk to people about it. they would be either drinkers who drank sometimes and didnt have problems with it or drank and didnt give a shit about it,no one understood what I was talking about. here people understand the continual angst we have with drinking. im also very lucky that my friends have been supportive (my proper friends, not the drinkers i would hang with in the pub) and have basically welcomed me back with open arms. and once again.... thank you so much .x lovely mwo people

[Lavande]

a year on

Hey spud!

Keep trying friend until you get there
Do what you have to to quiet the mind chatter ~ that's all it is, just annoying chatter!

I trust that you can do it

Lav

[prancy]

a year on

hi Spuds,
Oh, how well I know what you are feeling. I hope you find the wonderful AF life you deserve. Even though the mind chatter is there, the remorse, regret, guilt and general unhappiness that comes from a fall back into the bottle just are not worth it. Hold onto that powerful feeling and keep going.