I am back

[ATLThrash]

Hello all-- I am back from the in patient facility ( I am sure that insurance was the reason for me being put out before 30 days though they said I was ready way beofre I even thought so-- andI stayed extra days because of it) )-- I worked on all my issues. One thing I found and I am so sure many of you all have is that the drinking was being used to self medicate anxiety.. Alcohol being what it is and having a bodily effect then took over at times and became a storm of its own. The anxiety was and is at times crushing- it would be easy to just blame alcohol for that but that would not get to the root of the problem. I will admit I still feel unsteady. Even if what the docs say is true and the real issue is anxiety I am still scared that it will manifest itself with drinking. I refuse to take benzos to deal with anxiety-- they are great for those that need them-- but I had a concussion about 10 years ago and they were prescribed (along with other stuff) to quelle the panicking and sleep issues. I finally realized I was becoming a victim of learned helplessness and stopped them cold turkey-- Lord what a withdrawl! I just want to thank you all for listening. It does not matter how I got here but your support I feel wlll help me be 100% better-- I am deaiing with anxiety but I need your supoprt to deal with the offshoot of that (AL)--I do not feel comfortable with AA but I need a sounding board. Thanks so much!

[hillsidetime]

I am back

Hi ATLThrash, and welcome back. I am sorry that you were rushed through your treatment, that must have been frustrating for sure. You make a good point, that many of us may very well be self medicating. I was using booze to medicate myself through many issues as well.

It seems positive that you can now focus on dealing with your anxiety, in the most healthy was that you have learned. Certainly, dealing with alcohol withdrawals will add challenges - you can do it. Are you planning to stop alcohol all together? Let us know. Hang in there,
Hill

[Stargazerlily]

I am back

Good morning ATL,
Your courage and determination to improve your life are an inspiration. You are so strong in being willing to go to treatment. I just wondered if you could begin counseling with a therapist weekly or something to help with your anxiety. You know, drugs are not the only thing that help with anxiety. If you could find a holistic therapist, even better. I agree, I do not want to take drugs unless absolutely necessary as side effects can be an issue. Good luck to you. Sending you peaceful thoughts.

[mollyka]

I am back

Welcome back ATL! Sorry they cut your treatment short - putting aside cynical thoughts of their 'money saving' which I'm quite sure was a part of it unfortunately - I'm guessing they must have been happy with your progress which is good. I so like your expression 'learned helplessness' and I know exactly what you mean. I just had a 'blinding light' moment back in January and cast aside all medication - not the brightest thing to do without guided withdrawal - but like you I found myself becoming dependent on not only the medication but on people around me and was not in control. I find myself much stronger now, as my counsellor said, I was 'casting myself adrift and must now sink or swim' - at the moment I'm swimming and enjoying the empowerment I'm feeling.
Hang around and muster any support available here and with strength of mind you'll be good.
Take care
Molly

[ATLThrash]

I am back

Thanks all. I cannot overstate how good it feels to have folks all over the world who care. I do think they were pleased with my progress-- they noted that I have a strong personality which helps in dealing with these issues. I am going to see a therapist weekly as well. I had really cut the drinking to nearly nothing but knowing myself I knew it might not stay that way and that it is just no fun anymore. What ever switch that our brains make from where Al was not an issue to where we think of it constantly with feelings of guilt etc is very profound. I think of my 20s to mid 30s when I never felt guilty or ashamed after drinking-- and most times I was drinking a small amount. Now I drink that same amount and become a headcase. Of course I was sober in the in patient and needed no drugs for withdrawls.-- that is a plus I just plan on keeping it this way. But I know it will be difficult. I hate to label myself as an alcoholic but in my mind the difference between that and just a social drinker may have to do with the feelings that surround the booze, not just how much we drink. Once I began to feel ashamed etc I knew that I was one.

Thanks for listening

[prancy]

I am back

Good work, ALT, nice to see you back. It sounds like they gave you some good things to think about. Best of luck on your journey to recovery!