elderly parents

[spuddleduck]

This isn?t really alcohol related but it is something that bothers me. I know a lot of people on here are of a similar age to me (mid 40?s) and as such will have elderly parents. My parents are late 70?s and my dad is in very bad health. I find it increasingly on my mind and I don?t cope with the feelings I have very well. Were not very close (although we live close and I see them every week) but its so hard to see them getting old and frail.. My mum is still very sprightly but often talks about when she wont be here. I find myself getting a big case of ?whats the point? you live, you struggle, you die? so whats the point (don?t get me wrong im not suicidal or anything). I don?t have kids, out of choice so I don?t have the ongoing thing to think about. Sorry I know im rambling, I just wonder if anyone has any thoughts on how to deal with these thoughts. I know its just life and it happens to everyone. I worry too much and if I get a phone call from them at an odd time of day I always expect the worse. This all sounds very self indulgent but I don?t mean to be. Im just hoping someone can help put these thoughts into some kind of perspective. thanks

[coalfire]

elderly parents

For what its worth I am in the same situation as you ie elderly parent/no kids. Every time it pops up in my mind I just push it out. Denial-spoken like a true alkie. Sorry spuddleduck this reply is about as much use as a chocolate teapot. I dont know what to say...just that I read your post and that I get ya.Hopefully someone will come in who can face talking about it.

[beagle]

elderly parents

ah spuds, thoughts into perspective? not something i am good at i'm afraid. life & it's frailties are always around aren't they. i try not to look too far into the future as i am a worrier, a "what if"-er, so living each day one at a time seems to be helping me currently.
so no great pearls of wisdom, but i can chuck one of these your way : here, catch ...:l

[Seethepony]

elderly parents

Here's the late great Bill Hicks on the topic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q95kX_EP2Nk[/video]]YouTube - Bill Hicks: What is the point to Life

[beagle]

elderly parents

oh coalfire, a choccy teapot - what a giggle but they are very useful if you eat them first...
great metaphor!:H

[Charlotte's Web]

elderly parents

Hi Spuds,

No, I can't put anything into prospective but I do understand. I got on with my Dad and he died in 2003, before I moved from the UK to Australia. I don't think I could have moved here whilst he was alive. Although he wasn't loving towards me, we had a huge connection.

My mum (as are all my family) is in the UK. My mum is 82 and she's now getting old. Everyone thinks she's a doting old granny be we (the children) remember the woman who ruled the house. Margaret Thatcher was weak compared to my mother.

In my mind is that one day she will die and I don't know how my family will contact me. I know which sister it will be but will she call? Will she e-mail?

On Sunday, I had an e-mail from my sister with the title "mum". I thought that was "the message" but it turned out to be an update of my mother's health and well being.

I have already decided I won't be going to my mother's funeral. In our family, once you're dead, you're dead, so she won't know if I'm there or not.

I have so many questions that I want my mother to answer. I have asked over the years and she refuses to enter into a conversation, so even if I went back to the UK now, I know she won't answer me. Last time I visited the UK, I saw her for a couple of hours at a family party. I know I'll regret that but what can I do? Even when we were at the family event (and we had come from Australia) no-one took any particular interest in us. In the last 5 years, I have seen my mother for about 6-8 hours. When I am in the UK, I see my friends far more than family.

I can't turn back the clock but I will still have to deal with the emotions when my mother dies yet she would never meet me half-way.

I could ramble on about the complications between us for ages, but I hope this makes some sense to you.