Need to stay strong

[ATLThrash]

I am only a few days out of rehab for anxiety issues. I did not get to stay as long as I wanted as insurance decided to declare me well along with the docs and facility that would not get full payment if I stayed (I know I sound cynical but this is the way I feel). I am not well and now I am even worse. My husband who has been my rock and supprt was demoted at work. He had to take a pay cut of over a third of his salary. I can't help but think that all the days he spent taking care of our son when I was so depressed or anxious -- had to factor into that decision. He had 12 great years at his employer and based on one year that was poor (probably mostly due the economy) he was demoted.

I am unhappy for many reasons and am seeing a therapist but my hubs has decided to move on to a new job as his ego and pride are hurt (plus he knows that he is talented and is not going to just give up). I support it but I am so fragile-- today he said -- you know I am changing jobs and you need to step up. The last time some crises happened I certainly took care of my family but I neglected myself and strated in the vicious drinking cycle. I am terrified that this will happen again as my addled mind thinks that booze would be a respite to the pressure that I am feeling. I also heard my husband on the phone and he was telling his friend that he is upset with my discipline-- I have gained weight from stress and I am sure the booze did not help. I feel paralyzed in moving forward -- the weight I am sure is the outer manisfestation to the raging turmoil I am feeling inside. I have largely sub'd food for booze and now that is an unhealthy cycle. I thought that i should handle one thing at a time (get off booze, then a proper health program) but I can hear in my hubs words that I am not going fast enough for him. I feel like a burden to him in his bad time. I feel like I am against a ticking time bomb that will be exploding in either my marriage or my health from the fat any minute. It is such a strong fear that I am almost paralyzed by it. There are just so many things that need addressing that I feel like a Freudian sand box!

Any help or encouragement you can give is appreciated. I don't knwo this person typing this messageanymore and I need to get her back

[coalfire]

Need to stay strong

I am sorry things are so bad. Did rehab do anything for your anxiety issues eg give you a prescription or something. What are your views on the OA/Baclofen idea?Thats what was going on with OA. He had crippling underlying anxiety too. I agree by the way -its almost impossible to sort out weight issues along with alcohol issues although I wouldnt be too happy if I heard my other half discussing either on the phone. In fact that is the understatement of the year. Could you explain to hubby that you are trying to come up with a plan but that you would appreciate it if your health problems were confined to the marriage? Then perhaps decide on a plan and show it to him?

[KundaliniGirl]

Need to stay strong

ATL,

Just wanted to say hello and tell you that I'm so sorry about what you're going through right now. You have so much on your plate, but just remember that alcohol will not make any problem you have better.

I think you have to stick with the basics that are so often discussed here and I'm sure you know about the toolbox.

We are here for you if you need to vent, which is often enough to get us past a rough spot. If things are bad enough, though, maybe you should consider meds, or AA?? Do you have any friends there that could help you out?

Sending you peace and strength,

KG:l

[ATLThrash]

Need to stay strong

I decided not to go on anti-anxiety meds because a few years back I was overprescribed them and was almost a zombie-- getting off them was so hard-- as hard as quitting the sauce almost-- the withdrawal was horrid. Talk therapy works but it is slow going. I have an appointment with my neurologist who is a very kind man-- but that is not until March 18th-- I intend to ask for topomax which I was on many years ago for migraine prevention. After I had our son my hormones were so whacky that topomax no longer worked for the headache prevention-- so I went off it and onto another medication. I did not have issues with booze at that time so who knows if it helped me not drink-- drinking was not an issue at the time. I don't feel like my hormones are raging any more and I am going to see about getting back on it for both reasons (headaches and AL). This happening to my hubby just brought things to a head much sooner in terms of his frustration. He has a very demanding career (he is a lawyer and travels all over the place with it to see clients) and for the past year or 2 I have essentially done most everything for our son and the home etc. I think that is fine since I am a stay at home (for now)-- used to be an attorney before son was born. But the times when I have asked him to help when I have hit the skids with drinking or anxiety-- I feel very guilty about those. And now he needs me and I am very scared that I cannot do what is needed. Even without his issues I had a long way to go!

[nancy]

Need to stay strong

pressure

There are few things that can damage a man's self-esteem more than getting demoted. So we don't know him, but I imagine he's looking around, angry at everything, lashing out at loved ones including you. Of course as you said there were many years where he was picking up the slack but it sounds like this demotion is more about the economy than you. So this is going to be hard but I suggest you not take this too personally. Of course it sounds personal, it's about your discipline, your weight etc. He's scared and he needs you to step up. This is a fragile period for him but also for you. It's coming out as anger on his part because he needs you. It sounds though like you already have taken some important steps. You are both in very fragile periods right now and you need to support each other not attack each other. The best thing you can do for him is to ignore it when he says things that undermine you and realize part of that is his own situation and really focus intensely on staying sober after your rehab. Yes you need to work on your weight but weight doesn't come off overnight. You can shoot for a pound at week if anything or to just make sure you maintain. Or to get exercise as that will be good for your sobriety. And please get some counseling or group support. Getting over a drinking problem is partly about discipline but there's a lot more to it. Sounds like you have some underlying problems so you are substituting with food. But here the motto One Day At a Time could be a good one for you.

[ATLThrash]

Need to stay strong

Nancy-- I agree with the self esteem and demotion. I know in a way I am piling on myself about my role in this-- the economy hit his practice hard. I am not sure if you (or anyone here) has ever felt like this-- even though I am keeping it together on the outside I know how I feel and I imagine anyone can see what a mess I feel like. And then there is the fact that I am not sure why I am anxious-- I always have been but as I get older it has worsened. I am not drinking like i used to so I cna't blame it on booze-- but yet it is still there. I often think that our appearance is an outward manifestation of how we are inside==and mine is just cruddy. I keep a nice home, am a good cook and house manager (I guess that is what you would call it) and our son is doing well. But I feel like a total mess! At one point I actually thought if I kept at it with the AL that I would be on a cross promotion on A and E-- Heavy and Intervention! This weekend i already know I will face some significant challenges. My hubs and I throw a huge St Pat's party for all his pals. It is a food and booze fest. Last year I did pretty well during it but I am afraid I will go hog wild with one or the other-- food or booze-- yearly I ask him to consider not having the party but he says he works so hard that he deserves to have it if he wants to-- he still does not get that it is so hard for me to be around booze and junk food. If saying no to either one were easy I would be in great shape all the way around. I don't think he is trying to be cruel-- but to him-- he thinks that if you just want to stop anything you will. And I have learned that is not true for me

[TracyA]

Need to stay strong

Spam reported.

[coalfire]

Need to stay strong

I for one will never buy from any company that spams on here. So thanks Blueline. We will make sure and put the message out.


NEVER EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM BLUELINE FOODS. AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS. I might go now and see can I leave a crappy review somewhere that links to their website,saying how their product made me ill etc.