Is anyone here in the arts?

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Thanks, dilayne, for the great advice and encouragement. In the recent and less recent past I've found maintaining abs for more than a day or two or seven to be tough, but with my cravings seriously diminished it's worth another shot. What better time than now?

Dip

[dilayne]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Hey Dipsa..who is the man in your avatar? Yes, I agree with the 'Power of Now'..there is no other time than NOW! :0)

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

avatar

My avatar is Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish playwright and wit, who said many insightful things, among them:

"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

which has been over my desk for years, but now I that I'm doing MWO I can especially relate to it, since although I'm not quite in the skid row gutter sometimes I feel I'm nearly there psychologically, yet I'm reaching for those stars to pull myself out...

[dilayne]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Hi Dipsa! How are you doing today? Oh yes, Oscar Wilde...wasn't there a movie about him recently? What is your art?...As for being in the 'skid row gutter' psychologically....well, maybe you can look at it this way...you may be in a 'transitional space'...artist tend to spend more time there than other people...hey, call it what you will..but there is a paradox to everything, right??? So, there are gifts in that gutter that you may not have realized yet..you may just be filling your well there in that gutter...I feel like I've been dwelling pretty deep myself..I don't call it the gutter, I just say I've been dwelling in the underworld for a while...spiritualist may call it a dark night...

just wanted to check in with you to see how your are doing...
Di

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Slip up last night, haven't been wanting much hooch at all lately, been drinking very little, then someone poured me a glass of wine at 4:30 (uh-oh), then I poured my own around 7:30 when I was stressed out about some mice in the house, then that turned into an evening's total of six beverages before the night was out.

That's way, way less than many, many of my nights before I started MWO, but not so good compared to how I've been doing, so I feel a bit shameful but ready to jump back on ... the wagon? ...the monkey? No, neither of those. Back on the path. It is a path, isn't it, a journey, not a destination, right?

Bit of a headache but not too bad, considering--must be that healthy lifestyle lately, healthy physical reserves and all, and all the supplements I've been taking the past few weeks. Now track 2 of my hypno tape isn't working, can't tell if it's the tape or the player...drats!

[dilayne]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Hi Dipsa..back on the path! Those dirty rats!!! Sounds like you'll be just fine..sometimes it's a bit of a zig zag path, but if it's going in the right direction, that is good news! I'm a bit on edge..the holidays bring it out in me...I've fantasized about drinking a glass of wine, but haven't indulged..right now I'm fighting the temptation to take some of my husband's pain pills..if I were drinking, i would be drinking a lot! I told my dear therapist and he reminded me that it would just set me back from where I really want to go..and I know it...I still want to take one though...

[determined]

Is anyone here in the arts?

hi Dipsa,

I am taking topamax 200mg per day and have been for about four months now. i couldn't give up without it it. i have in the past but this time just couldn't seem to do it. i am totally acohohol free by the way.

anyway, i am a songwriter and am not having any troubles writing. infact my head is really clear and i feel very fluid and creative. admittedly i have been on a rather long holiday - but - when i have a job to do i really feel good and infact more creative than when i was drinking (are we shocked!).

i'm sure it's going to be different for everyone, but that's my story.

good luck matey. i wish you well.

d

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Thanks for your posts, dilayne and determined.

dilayne, hang in there, there is something about the holidays that just picks us up by the ankles and shakes us, making any resolutions tough to keep to, however we celebrate it, however stressed or unstressed we are. If that wine will not be good to you, don't let it do it to you.

determined, thanks for what you posted about your creativity. That was extremely encouraging. I've found so far that the topa hasn't wrecked mine either but has cleared my head and brought the creativity out more. I was just thinking last night that I would try to level off with the topa at 200 mg rather than go up to 300 and see how that goes--presently I'm on Day 13 at 50 mg, planning to go up to 75 tomorrow, then when I get to 200 I will just stay there for a while and see how that goes.

Thanks both of you for posting on this thread.

[Bluemoon]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Dipsa, Determined -
Thanks for posting re. topa. I am still awaiting its delivery and am concerned about the "topa dopa" effect. Clarity? What is that like???:H

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

The first week I took the topa I would have kind of a foggy time each late morning when I could function fine but felt slightly weird and foggy-brained. That has passed already, and once in a while I have to hunt for a word when talking or writing, but that used to happen to me all the time anyway! I am still at a pretty low dose and it does affect everyone differently, but I would not let that worry you too much. To me it is way, way less than the mental bleariness of a bad hangover, which I was having a few times a week.

[dilayne]

Is anyone here in the arts?

Hey everyone,
I was on the topamax for about 3 months and really didn't have any problems with the topa dopa effects..I did miss a turn traveling one day and didn't realize it for a little while. I wanted to say that when I was dosing up to 200mg I felt it was too much..and I toggled between 150 and 175..it's amazing how 25mg can make such a difference, so be prepared to adjust the dosage..you'll know when it's too much..I felt like crap..physically..tired and a little fuzzy, but not in a way that inhibited my productivity..just an odd feeling.

[determined]

Is anyone here in the arts?

i have had trouble remembering words... but i had some trouble remebering words before,just not this much. i also had some strange taste stuff initially (first two months) and tingles in my hands and feet (this has dimished - although I still get it a little)

what i have found is that this drug calms me. i have always been very speedy and anxious and now i am slower and calmer. i actually feel GREAT! sometimes i do feel sleepy, but i am religious about taking the suppliments and try to exercise (i must admit i'm not quite as religious about exercising - i was always better at pills ) but both of these really help.

i also follow the old a.a. line of keeping my fluid and food intake in check.

it seems to be different for everyone but this drug has really fitted my body and brain and calmed and helped me. saved my life for now.

i have also lost weight - 7kg's - 15 pounds... not a bad side effect! ... it seems to take away my desire to stuff my face with sweet things - to over eat in general.

i am working with my doctor and monitoring the side effects as i go...

i am off to a songwriting session this morning... we have two songs on the boil... i feel clearer in the head. more in control. more excited. less confused and just a general sense of joyful anticipatition at what's going to happen next...

again - i wish you well. let me know how you go.

d

[Bluemoon]

Is anyone here in the arts?

topa effects

"just a general sense of joyful anticipatition at what's going to happen next..."

That sounds nice.
I remember feeling something like that a long time ago. Tom Robbins explained it as: "The dice are always rolling" and I remember knowing exactly what he meant. Somewhere along the way, I quit watching the dice roll.
I'm still waiting for the topa, and trying to keep from poking myself in the eye, meantime. Your posts are appreciated, and encouraging.

[Dipsa]

Is anyone here in the arts?

It's great hearing how other artists react to the topa and how you are doing on this program and with creativity. Thanks so much for your input! I went to a small party last night and had a little trouble remembering words and names when I was talking, but not enough to be embarassing--I think I was the only one who noticed. I'm at 75 mg topa at this point, titrating up according to the protocol.

Beer and soda taste over-sweet, no tingling anywhere yet, only a little tiredness but definite slowness and calmness, like you mentioned, det. The slowness I can do without as I'm a snail normally and so what I'm getting accomplished this busy holiday season is diminished, but the calmness is wonderful! There is some crankiness and irritability but I truly have no idea if it's from the topa, one of the supplements, alcohol withdrawal, not getting quite as much exercise as I should, or maybe it's the lack of having life's irritations dulled by alcohol, which includes the people who are used to getting away with annoying and abusing me, etc., etc., but it is a tolerable amount of crankiness and probably equal to the just-before-cocktail-hour grouchiness I was experiencing pre-MWO.

Unfortunately, I have not yet lost one pound, alas...in spite of much lowered ETOH intake, but it's still early on...I do hang on to an old cigarette habit, however, which was about two or three packs a week, now down to about one pack a week...so that's a good thing.

[determined]

Is anyone here in the arts?

that's an amazing change in cigarette intake - i guess you know the topa helps with that too.

you sound like you're doing brilliantly all round. it's a huge life change to make and it takes a great deal of courage, strength and perseverence. you seem so on the right track.

re: the irritation i used to go for a brisk walk just before cocktail hour and then come home and listen to the hyno cd - it really calmed me. i know that wasn't the specific irritation you were talking about but a bout of exercise followed by a soothing bit of hypnocan be relaxing. i also meditate daily as a matter of course .

re: weight loss. the weight actually took a while to come off me and has come off a rate of about a pound a week... ie slowly... gillian and bob would be proud. (i do hope i'm talking to people who will get my biggest loser reference.) i'm sure you'll find it will come off you - just hang in there!

as we say in australia - you're doing great guns - i'm no sure why we say - but we do!

d