Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

[mario]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

_ EndOfTheLine _;1073139 wrote: When I think about it, the longest time I ever had sober was when i was 19 and decided just to quit drinking for a while. At that stage I hadn't gone down any treatment route, self help or otherwise, I just relied on my own willpower. Maybe that's the key- Forget the mental trickery, self help and all that and just quit. Could it be that simple? Probably not.

When i started this journey, i started me ,myself & i, no meds no AA, No mwo, i had hit rock bottom in my life and i knew i had to stop period.I locked myself away and went through alcohol withdrawals cold turkey,after a month i found mwo and then with lots of help from here because imo you need some help i went along to AA meetings,I never did 12 steps,just made friends and talked & talked here,So i did it with willpower, simple it sure wasn't, But you really have to want it for yourself first.

[fluff]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

End of the line- On the flip side of the coin- my father and brother just quit on their own-never went to AA. I just offered up that bit of AA info- just 'cause you asked- my sister chose to hang out with her AA friends- she felt safer with them than with her drinking friends-( she was afraid of slipping)- she still has friends who drink, btw.- this was just how she wanted it.

[prancy]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

End of the Line.
My experience with "closed" AA meetings, which are ones that you have to be willing to announce "I am End and I am an alcoholic", can be pretty rigid. The AAers who are serious (at least around California) sort of insist that you find a sponsor, work the steps, and attend a meeting a day for 60 days. I found it too time-consuming, too restrictive and not really what I wanted. Having said that, I loved hearing the stories.
There also are "open" meetings that anyone can come to and listen and talk to other AAers. You do not have to proclaim that you are an alcoholic. There are people who tell their stories and others who "share" their thoughts, experiences and feelings. But you do not have to share. You can just sit and listen.
AA was not for me. I hated labeling myself with my most negative aspect. And many successful AAers do surround themselves with others who participate in the program, because, obviously, there are less opportunities to drink and to have to sit with people who are drinking. For me, most of my friends do drink and they have been friends for 15-30 years and I am not giving them up. They are like family.
In the end, whatever works for you is the right approach. But you can include those open AA meetings to hear from others who share this despicable disease and hear where it took them without actually doing the whole program.
Hope this helps.
Good luck on putting together a plan that works for you!

[KateH1]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

_EndOfTheLine_;1073153 wrote: Thanks Kate for your reply. People do things differently, for example I have three alcoholic relations, 1 simply quit one day after years and years of abuse, the other 2 go to AA (1 of whom is pretty militant about it). My observation is that the one who simply quit is in a better situation, but thats just my impression.

How did you quit? and did you use AA? And congrats on your sobriety.

Hi Again,

I too, come from a family of many alcholics, sadly my mother died after a long history of alcohol abuse.

Years before I finally got sober, I tried AA. At least at that time, it did not work for me. Who know why, perhaps I was not yet truly comitted to stopping?

I found MWO while searching for "Rehabs", I joined MWO out of couriosity. I did a lot of reading and then I began to join in the evening Chat. At that time, chat was filled with many who were very serious about sobriety and many had several months, even years of sobriety. I did a lot of listening and asking questions. After a few weeks, I finally downloaded the MWO book. (at this time, I was still drinking). I did a lot of thinking, reading and meditating and really getting honest with myself about my drinking. Soon, I realized that first of all, I had to cut the crap and subdue my"know it all ego" and pay attention. I used the guidelines in the book to create my "personal Plan", ordered the supplements and set my quit date. I stayed focused on my sobriety and what that would look like and firmed up my "comittment to sobriety". On my quit date, I got rid of all the alcohol in the house and began my plan. Initially, my plan included, healthy diet, meditation daily exercise and Not Drinking, also joining in nightly chat here for support. Those first days an weeks were at time pure torture...distracting myself from the urge to have "just one". By the end of week two I was feeling pretty good! At day 28 I decided that "MY problem" was taken care of and that I should begin moderation. So, I bought a bottle and finished it and part of a second, passed out and woke up the next day feeling awful. That day, I decided that I was done for good! Over the past 3 years or so, I have continued to live a healthy life and to work on myself and improving those aspects of my thinking that never served me well!

I cannot express how much I love my happy, sober life! Life has continued to through me curve balls....my fathers, illness and death, job layoff and other difficult times. But, dealing with these events sober and healthy makes everything far easier to get through and I make far better decisions!

So, there you go! I hope my story helps!

Wishing you all the best!
Kate

[TracyA]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Hi End,

My experience with AA: I met the loveliest people. Really good people. The program itself is terribly flawed. The meetings are generally dominated by "program people," and so are very uncomfortable for someone who can't buy into the whole, "You have a physical disease that can only be tackled with a spiritual cure." I worked every step with rigid honesty, and I did not stay sober. In AA terms, that means that I am "constitutionally incapable" of being honest.

That said, my parents did very well in AA but they were religious nuts anyway. It's a good place to meet people who, like us, are struggling to stay sober. It is a very difficult place to be for someone who does not buy into the dogma, or for someone who is unwilling/unable to pretend to buy into that dogma.

I doubt my post was very helpful. But it is honest.

[catch22]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

_EndOfTheLine_;1073101 wrote: Is this possible? I've actually got a phobia of cults, I don't want to go down the line of twelve steps, I can do maybe the first one and then I get ridiculously uncomfortable. I know they say "take what you want and leave the rest" but are they saying to themself that "...if you do you will relapse". I like the idea of AA (group of people that want to quit drinking) but don't like the idea of the weird parts- the world is vexing enough.

Hi Endoftheline,

when i first went to AA i fear it was a brainwashing of sorts. Now i see that my life before recovery contained the brainwashing. so i did not come back, but after a few years i come back to AA the second time round i keep my distance from everyone, i did not want to get to close to anyone, (wondering why i had no AA numbers on my phone.)
Someone from AA said to me dont let no one pressure you in doing anything u dont want to do.
When i got to 6/7months i knew i needed a sponsor and i knew there was something missing if i didn't work this ( i knew i would of pick up again, and am not saying that i will never pick up a drink again in my life but i intend to not pick up), this is just on only my experience, working the steps is about really getting honest with one yourself and it helps me with every day life.... Its a bit like going to a hairdresser every day and sitting and waiting, but not getting your haircut, if that makes sense.

Someone give this to me that use to go AA, hope it helps you, just keep coming back and if you dont get AA, AA will get you, in the end.
wishing you all the best on your journey, that the path you pick that is best for you.x


MY BILL OF RIGHTS

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AND NOT FEEL GUILTY.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPERIENCE AND EXPRESS MY
FEELINGS.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE MY MIND.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR WHAT I WANT.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR INFORMATION.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE MISTAKES.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO LESS THAN I AM HUMANLY
CAPABLE OF.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ACT ONLY IN WAYS THAT
PROMOTE MY DIGNITY AND SLF-RESPECT AS LONG AS
OTHERS ARE NOT VIOLATED IN THE PROCESS.





.

[kitty72]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Hi, Im at my second go round with AA. The first time , 2 years ago I really didnt want to be there and was continuing to drink although I did tone it down a lot. I stayed moderating until Dec last year and things went a bit pear shaped and realised I had to do something.

Ive been back at AA since early Jan. Had a couple of weeks sober here and there but sometimes do find myself getting annoyed by these types as mentioned above.

My experience with AA: I met the loveliest people. Really good people. The program itself is terribly flawed. The meetings are generally dominated by "program people," and so are very uncomfortable for someone who can't buy into the whole, "You have a physical disease that can only be tackled with a spiritual cure." I worked every step with rigid honesty, and I did not stay sober. In AA terms, that means that I am "constitutionally incapable" of being honest

What happens then is that I skip meetings, distance myself from these people and then end up having a drink. However, I am going to try and work the steps after I have got myself through 30 days of not drinking (7 days in now) - I am sceptical and dont want join in the ranks that have now worked the steps and rattling their tambourines down at the local evangelical church.

If I am perfectly honest (See? Not "constitutionally incapable" at all!) I think Campral has helped me more than AA - I like the whole thing of being around people who understand me, but I can get that on this forum or another one I frequent now and then, but then again I like being around people in general so I will continue with AA for now.

[Marshy]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

From the sound of people's experiences on here, it varies depending on where you are. I've never had anyone try to "convert" me at AA but I live in a big city with a shifting population and although there are regulars at meetings I go to, there are also new faces and people come and go so maybe it's not as cliquey or dogmatic as small towns would be.

There's no harm in trying it out, and if you don't like it you don't have to keep going. They don't make you sign up to anything

[hippie37]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

AA is simply a bridge to normal living. The problem with a lot of AA folk is that AA meetings, fellowship and AA social events becomes their whole life. It's almost like transferring one addiction for another. The 'another' being AA. So it become very much a co-dependency relationship with AA rather than it being an inter-dependant one.

My life does not revolve around AA. But my sobriety is contingent on my spiritual well being and I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep me moving forward so I can be the best version of 'me' I can be in this world. It was said to me early on in AA that "we'll love you until you can learn to love yourself". I've found many people in AA who have done just that for me and helped (and carried me in the early days!) me to see that I'm not a bad person.

Just be careful that you're not trying to rationalise your thoughts here about AA. You seem to have some pretty hard line views already, based on what? My belief system was based a lot on my conditioning and fears. You are an individual and unique in your own right. If you go to AA with all these pre-conceived ideas about it based on other people's experiences of it, of course you're going to validate their experiences as your own.


“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation” - Herbert Spencer.



Getting sober is not just about putting down the drink but taking responsibility for your own life. That includes your thoughts, your feelings and your actions. I'd suggest you make an informed opinion on AA by going to some meetings with an open mind.

Many Blessings
Phil

[cymru]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Excellent post Phil. Makes alot of sense to me.

[Mema]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Excellent posts! The thing to do is go to the meetings with a open mind and really listen hard. Then introduce yourself to the wisest people at the meeting (this may take more than going just a few weeks). The people with profoundly happy sobriety will not try to change you but they will try to guide you. Stoping drinking is small change compared to the big changes we can make in our lives in order to live more successfully and deeply. At least I found this to be true. Good luck.

[_EndOfTheLine_]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I'll give it a go tonight. I am desperately afraid of becoming kinda loopy, but also know I can't keep drinking

[_EndOfTheLine_]

Want to go to AA, but don't want to become fanatic

Went to AA

Was fantastic, so glad I went, way different from what I expected. Going to do th 90 meetings in 90 days...I finally think I have my answer