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    #1

    Confession....

    Hi all,

    I've been coming here off and on for a few years. And in the past I have said there were times that I was "doing good" sounding like I was AF. Might have even proclaimed to be at one time or another I don't know......well I lied, not just here but to myself. "Doing good" meant not passing out falling down drunk, or only having one bottle of wine instead of two....embarrassing to admit, I mean why lie here right

    Well I wanted to come clean because I am so excited to say......last night was my first night completly sober in.......I don't even know how long....over a decade! I started seeing a hypno therapist and have been doing a lot of soul searching. Along with research on the net. I had blood work done about a year ago and my numbers were high...I mean way high. I chose to ignore it. But a few days ago something "clicked" and I realized I might already have liver disease and just not know it. I know I have damaged it with years of abuse and if I don't stop I am cutting years and years off my life. I am worried for my health and just know that I CAN'T put anymore AL in my system....that's it, I just can't.

    I'm embarrassed to have lied but you all, and this site have always been a place for support and I wanted to share my happiness with FINALLY "getting it" and deciding to live sober....and live longer
    :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Confession....

    Hi AK, so good to see you! I am happy that you are back! No apologies, needed. OMG! how many of us could say that we were completely honest (or even slightly honest) regarding our drinking when we were in the thick of it!

    The important think is that you are working hard to finally break free!! Congratuations on Day 1....I wish you many, many days and a lifetime of sobriety ahead!
    Kate
    A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

    AF 12/6/2007

    Comment

      #3
      Confession....

      WHOOHOOO Day one is GREAT AK!

      Welcome back!
      "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

      AF 10th May 2010
      NF 12th May 2010

      Comment

        #4
        Confession....

        Thanks :l

        I know there is a "switch" for those on Bac......not sure how or why, but I have found mine somewhere inside me. I am so happy I could cry, cause somehow deep down I just know that I am done.
        :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

        Comment

          #5
          Confession....

          AK - no need to be embarrased. We have all been there. I am so happy that something finally "clicked" - that is what happened to me too! I am over 4 months off the booze and I never thought it would happen. You are a great person and know that we are here to support you as best we can. Best of luck and I am really happy for you.
          February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

          When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

          Comment

            #6
            Confession....

            Congrats, AK! I am so grateful for finding this forum. With rare exception (because we're all human beings with emotions), this site is very nurturing and supportive. I am presently struggling with the on-again/off-again thing myself. There is no shame in admitting what you're going through, and I'm very happy for you!
            "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

            —William A. Ward

            Comment

              #7
              Confession....

              I've missed this place :l

              I just knew I would feel better if I came clean.....not just here, but to myself. I always tried to convince myself that I wasn't really THAT bad....lots of people were doing worse, I was working and "functioning" or so I thought.... I realize now what a lie that was.

              And by telling the truth, it makes what I did last night that much better. I woke up sooooo excited. I mean I finally did it! Only one day but for me that is huge.

              Hugs and support to you all, no matter where you are on your journey....you CAN do it!!!
              :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

              Comment

                #8
                Confession....

                AK, it's fantastic to have you back :l
                I'll do whatever it takes
                AF 21/08/2009

                Comment

                  #9
                  Confession....

                  I think it's vital that we're honest with ourselves - congratulations!
                  sigpic
                  AF since December 22nd 2008
                  Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Confession....

                    Welcome back Ak remember,

                    Honest hearts produce honest actions. ;-)
                    Brigham Young


                    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Confession....

                      AK girl,

                      like others have said, we've all "been there, done that, got the t-shirt". Its great that you are back - I've always enjoyed your posts and love your avatar.

                      Like you, I managed to find something within myself a couple of weeks ago and have been AF since then. Its the longest period I've managed to stay continuously AF for some time. I always find Day One really hard (and then day 3, and then day 7 .......... :H:H) - and I've done it lots of times, so had got very experienced at what it was like!! Its a great feeling, isn't it, to have it finally behind you and looking forward to day two and beyond!

                      I hope that you continue to experience that resolve within yourself - for me, it just keeps getting stronger with each day that passes, particularly now that I am starting to see some pay-off in terms of sleeping, running and exercise, weight loss, a slight improvement in my overdraft, and best of all, waking up every morning feeling like a worthwhile person and not a complete waste of space!!

                      All power to you AK girl - stay strong!!!!!
                      Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn

                      Harriet Beecher Stowe

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Confession....

                        I think you are right Marshy, honesty is best. But with a society that makes it soooooo damn acceptable....even looked down upon if you don't drink, it easy to belive the lies. The ones they tell us, make the ones we tell ourselves that much easier to believe ya know?

                        :thanks: I appreciate everyones support so much. I will check back on day 7 :l
                        :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Confession....

                          Yoooooooooo hooooooooooo AK, and welcome back.

                          Promise me one thing, will you post more often. It's lovely to see you.

                          J x
                          :l
                          It could be worse, I could be filing.
                          AF since 7/7/2009

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Confession....

                            Sooooo ironic....so I was so happy and felt so good yesterday. I even treated myself to a new mattress because I knew I might have some trouble sleeping. ( Mattress is awesome btw) then of course....you feel good and whats the first thing you think....I want a glass of wine. And I did, I caved but ya know what....comparing how I felt Tue to yesterday made me realize even more...thats it. I feel liberated. Funny, you think wine makes you feel good when its really the absense of it.....just having one day sober has made me realize the difference.

                            Now I know for sure...thats it for me

                            Any daily drinkers out there who haven't had a day sober in a while......try it, just one day

                            :l and thanks for all the support.
                            :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Confession....

                              Thanks for sharing that AK ....I'm (oops was!!) a daily wine drinker..day 4 for about the zillionth time, you just reiterated why I should not have any tonight - thank you :h
                              Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

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