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[startingover]

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Time to find your new purpose Kitty. And you will I am sure.

Theres a lot worse things you could be doing than blathering shit to alkies :-) And at least you dont have money worries either.
Come on girl, listen to the Chillywilly, she is a wise one and your happiness comes from YOU not anyone else

[kitty72]

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LOL Starts, I guess I dont have money worries, I spend mentally though.


My Website has been mentioned in a lot of press incl the New York Times last yr - Result of showing the clipping to my father ? LMAO for him to blab on re the grandkids. Go figure ............ both myself and my middle sister have worked hard (Ive been unemployed 3 mths and need to be back out there!) all our lives, she has a great job - but the doley bum with the 4 kids she popped out while on it is miss perfect.... all the time. Im fucked off with all this to be honest. If there is going to be any make up, theses issues need to come up.


I

[kitty72]

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Meh ... I got wine, gonna drink it. You would if you lived in this shit life. Im not even that fucking attractive - Nothing really going for me so yay - I wont post pissed xx

[Ringing Cedars]

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Kitty~drunk or sober~I ask you this: where do you want to go?? I've been where you are...it's fuckin hard.... but that is no reason to check out!! It's not our choice...you're hear for a reason...if you ain't gone then focus on what you have---and you have the ability to do alot of good if I read you right. Choose your direction---I would love to help you find it...there is so much you can feel accountable for. REAL needs....

[mollyka]

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Kitty - I do know exactly how you feel. I have the biggest cow wanky bitches of sisters, and no I'm not going to say they were the reason for my drinking - but jeez, they didn't help. If you want to talk to me bout shite families pm me and we can compare notes. I agree with Chilly - and pretty much everyone else, this is your life - not theirs, and it's up to you to mind your life. I have spent nearly 3 yrs trying to work all this out.
I can really feel your hurt - believe me. One of the most hurtful parts of my family thing was that my sisters threw so much shit at me, but it wasn't until they started throwing it at my daughter that my hubs stepped up to the mark - he has apologized so many times since for not standing up for me ------too late I reckon, don't let these arsewipes mess up your life Kitty, sending hugs
Molly:l:l:l

[Accountable for Me]

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I have the worst sister and mother that life could ever give me. Make me feel like it is 'me' that is completely fucked in the head... and use my problems with alcohol as an excuse to open fire on me whenever 'they' feel inferior or shitty about themselves.

I am just figuring out now that it isn't me. I have tried and tried again only getting the same results with them. This has nothing to do with my drinking making them dislike me. I haven't had much of any for over two years and things are just the same with them. Plus they are alcoholics as well, so very hypocritical.

I lost my dad, the only person who really loved me 12 weeks ago. Since then, I have really been working on my internal hurts with the rest of my family. I am so sick and tired of the badmouthing me, and them putting me down - to my face, even, that guess what???

I have decided to DISOWN them now. They are completely TOXIC to me, my recovery, my children, and any happy future I could have. I am now refusing to play their fucked up, hurtful, social-pathic games. I refuse to be their target. They are horrible people and though I am related, does not mean I have to associate or subject myself to them.

I will be 39 next month and hopefully will have a long life to live. I want to make it count!!!

I have to still deal with the anger of how they have treated me all of these years, but with cutting them out; I am starting to already feel better.

I am finally in control of my own life. FINALLY climbing away from a lifetime of shit and abuse.

Much love to you. I know how you feel. Take your life in your own hands; and make it a happy one that counts. Sometimes doing something drastic, like cutting out the toxic people is the only thing you can do.

xo

[drinkingal]

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wow accountable, I could have written that post myself - it's scary. Eventually I also had to disown my family because I felt exactly the same way, they were horrible people and just toxic to me. I still see my father a few times a year, he just keeps barging his way back into my life, but my brothers are nothing to me and I have no regrets. It took me until i was almost 40 to do this, I wish I'd done it years ago.

Kitty, I spent my whole life feeling worthless, so hurt, so angry, so resentful. I went through so much depression wondering why they treated me the way they did, it had always been that way so it wasnt alcohol until eventually I had to realize it wasnt me at all, they had their own agenda. All I can do is offer up a big :l

[Change]

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kitty72;1080871 wrote: IIm nit a mother etc - I could have been but was forced into an abortion by my mother at age 17. As it happened on the same day as Hillsborough it's a day I will never EVER forget.

I'm hearing you there. My mum never supported me (once) when i asked her for some support if i wanted to have a child. I am now 41 and have none and grieve every day for what i could have had. Don't even come back at me with "you could have had children" etc, cos there are reasons i didn't, and i wasn't going to become a single mother, on my own. And, i look around me and am beginning to hate women with young children, cos i am jealous. I know it's 'wrong', but i can't help it, it's the way i feel. They make me sick, and those big shiny rocks on their fingers are equally abhorant!

[Change]

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^ Meh, not saying it's every person with a child that shits me, it's just those smug, smarmy couples and women who think they're got it made and who walk around like nothing ever goes wrong in their lives. Just sick of the smugness (then again, it's probably the area i live in). I'd love to see them stripped bear of all their coverings and petty superiorities. Sorry, just feeling a little jaded and resentful tonight, and maybe with good reason. Ironic thing is, i'm studying to become a teacher and the whole thing is making me sick at the moment. I am wondering whether i actually want to contribute ANYTHING at all to these obnoxious women's children...

[kitty72]

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Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your supportive words. I apologise for checking out and drinking for most of the day yesterday but I just didnt want to be around myself and completely hated myself. I threw every insult in the book at myself, I KNOW drinking was not the solution but why did I feel the need to go there anyway? Im sure you can all relate to that. I am sober today and intend to stay that way. I have made a lot of plans for the week ahead with friends. That's just what I need to do - Stay busy.

It's comforting also to know that I am not the only one with the messed up family who enjoys treating people like shit. I am debating whether to try and reason with my father later but that's probably not a good idea? I hate conflict and tension in my life as I fully admit I cannot deal with it very well (hide in a pissed haze) and just want everything to be better.

I was disowned by my family (even written out of my parents' will) for 3 years (For the cardinal sin of getting married , not wanting a big fuss and doing it on the quiet) and never want to go through that again as that is the point in my life where my drinking started to spiral out of control.

I am still hurting very much today but at least I am not drunk.

[Accountable for Me]

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drinkingal;1081570 wrote: I spent my whole life feeling worthless, so hurt, so angry, so resentful. I went through so much depression wondering why they treated me the way they did, it had always been that way so it wasnt alcohol until eventually I had to realize it wasnt me at all, they had their own agenda. All I can do is offer up a big :l

EXACTLY the same for me. You summed it up perfectly.

Hugs to you, Kitty. xoxo

[Cinders]

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One thought here.

It does seem us alkies/addicts "get back" as those who hurt us by hurting ourselves.

I can't figure that out, either.

One reason AA speaks so much about getting rid of resentments. Those resentments (anger) are dangerous for us alkies. My non-AA rehab talked about the same thing in different terms. We have to figure out how to let go of anger.

Glad to hear you are feeling better today, Kitty. I hope your week with friends gives you some serenity.

Love,
Cindi

[kitty72]

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Cinders;1081769 wrote: One thought here.

It does seem us alkies/addicts "get back" as those who hurt us by hurting ourselves.

I can't figure that out, either.

One reason AA speaks so much about getting rid of resentments. Those resentments (anger) are dangerous for us alkies. My non-AA rehab talked about the same thing in different terms. We have to figure out how to let go of anger.

Glad to hear you are feeling better today, Kitty. I hope your week with friends gives you some serenity.

Love,
Cindi

Thanks Cinders, completely agree on why the hell do we get back at people that hurt us by getting drunk and giving ourselves a heap of self abuse. I have a lot going for me, I know that. I have a good income from being basically sat on my arse doing nothing these days (Part of the problem? I need to get out doing something, right?) , a nice house, nice pets and a lot of friends.

So it's day one... YET AGAIN and I recommit to staying sober YET AGAIN. I spoke to an uncle earlier and it seems that my father is still on the warpath with me so ..... meh. I'll leave well alone for now.

I also had my long distance ex email me and berate me yesterday cos he took a text I had sent on Saturday (sober at the time) the wrong way, thought I was having a go? I re read the text and was 'Eh?' and pointed that out to him, he eventually apologised for being an over sensitive nerd. Never rains..... lol.

I think I'll keep my head down this week and stay away from emotional screw ups like him and my family. (Not that Im saying I aint one! I just dont need to be around anyone like that) I cant see me going to see him as we discussed on the phone last week now.

[mollyka]

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Glad to see u back Kitty - I've only recently lost the intense anger I had wit my sisters and funny enough it's much easier staying sober --- you figure???!! Well done gettin straight back on the wagon- yesterday is over-- todays the day xx

[stashia]

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glad you sound a bit more positive kitty :h me thinks you should just consentrate on YOU for the time being and talk to the people who are hearing you ie your friends around you and on here maybe when your in a brighter place one day think about that chat with your dad :l