I've blown it - advice please?

[stirly-girly]

I've blown it - advice please?

Recluse;1081360 wrote: That's true, stirly, I wouldn't disagree with that at all. I guess it all depends on the individual's particular set of circumstances and also on the level of maturity of the people involved.

It has to do with the moral ethics of the individual. If you are told something in confidence, something very personal for the person who is telling you, you should keep it to yourself. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that. I had a bad experience in my late teens. I was more or less engaged to a fellow some years older than I, who had been separated from his wife for two years when I met him. Divorce was really frowned on then and almost considered taboo in the small town that I grew up in. I hadn't yet told my parents that he was separated and had filed for divorce but did confide in a cousin of mine with whom we used to socialize - with her and her husband. I asked her to keep it to herself until I found the courage to tell my parents. She didn't. She went straight to her mother (my aunt) who immediately called her sister (my Mother) to tell her of this terrible thing I'd done - getting involved with a man awaiting divorce. :shocked: My Mother confronted me in a loving way but, nevertheless, I was devastated, feeling that I had let her and my Father down in the worst way. Since then I have found it very difficult to confide in someone if I'm not absolutely positive that they will not betray a confidence. Simple as that. Not meaning to turn this into an "It's all about me" thread. Just sharing why I would be hesitant to share something so personal in the beginning of a relationship.

[one2many]

I've blown it - advice please?

Dewdrop,

You’re good, but you’re going to be great. You’re the best, but you’re going to get better.

Sometimes the paths we take are long and hard, but remember: those are always the ones that lead us to the most beautiful views. Challenges come along inevitably: how you respond to them determines who you are - deep down inside – and everything you’re going to be.

Increase the chances of reaching your goals by working at them gradually. The very best you can do is all that is asked of you. Realize that you are capable of working miracles of your own making.

Remember that opportunities have a reason for knocking on your door and the right ones are there for the taking. You don’t always have to win, but you do need to know what it takes to be a winner. It’s up to you to find the key that unlocks the door to a more fulfilling life. Understand that increased difficulty brings you nearer to the truth of how to survive it – and get beyond it.

Cross your bridges. Meet your challenges. Reach out for your dreams and bring them closer and closer to your heart. Get rid of the “if only’s” and get on with whatever you need to do to get things right. Go after what you want in life, with all the blessings of all the people who care about you. And find out what making your wishes come true really feels like. ~Collin McCarty

[Recluse]

I've blown it - advice please?

stirly-girly;1081366 wrote: It has to do with the moral ethics of the individual. If you are told something in confidence, something very personal for the person who is telling you, you should keep it to yourself. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that.

Again, I agree. This is why I mentioned the maturity of the people involved. Quite often, as people become older, they become more "grown up" and learn the importance of respecting confidences. Obviously some people never grow up properly though.

I had a bad experience in my late teens. I was more or less engaged to a fellow some years older than I, who had been separated from his wife for two years when I met him. Divorce was really frowned on then and almost considered taboo in the small town that I grew up in. I hadn't yet told my parents that he was separated and had filed for divorce but did confide in a cousin of mine with whom we used to socialize - with her and her husband. I asked her to keep it to herself until I found the courage to tell my parents. She didn't. She went straight to her mother (my aunt) who immediately called her sister (my Mother) to tell her of this terrible thing I'd done - getting involved with a man awaiting divorce. :shocked: My Mother confronted me in a loving way but, nevertheless, I was devastated, feeling that I had let her and my Father down in the worst way. Since then I have found it very difficult to confide in someone if I'm not absolutely positive that they will not betray a confidence. Simple as that. Not meaning to turn this into an "It's all about me" thread. Just sharing why I would be hesitant to share something so personal in the beginning of a relationship.

I must admit that I have enormous problems trusting people too - going back to the days when I found I couldn't trust my late father. Oddly enough, I don't feel that drink dependency need be a huge secret, though I accept that for many people it is.

[Dewdrop]

I've blown it - advice please?

Thank you everyone, Cassia, Ruby, Stirly, Cy, Recluse, Mario, RC, One2 - you don?t know how appreciative and grateful I am for your support, why I feel such a failure I don?t know, but I do.

I really take on board all your comments and advice, as usual all positive and helpful. He has been on the phone telling me what a great weekend he had and I?ve said I am feeling a bit hungover as I don?t normally drink that much ? he said he feels the same and is looking forward to an early night too (he drank less than me). Anyhow I?ll think about next weekend for a day or two and see how I feel.

I have a lot of reflecting to do, being sober is my main concern as I can?t moderate, this has been an awful day filled with cravings/urges and I?ve filled my evening as best I can but it?s been a bugger so far. I feel depressed, anxious and I know I?m not going to sleep tonight; it?s like going back to square one but worse because I know how difficult it is. I need to get back on track and feel calm and peaceful again.
Thank you so much for all your thoughts and advice.

Dewdrop :h

[mollyka]

I've blown it - advice please?

My poor little girlie!! You is feeling shite yeah? OK, its a pisser you drank after such a long time, but my doc actually told me that sometimes a 'blipslipcockupdisaster' sort of thing can stand to you and you should make it work for you. It's obvious you are unhappy drinking but when we do drink the cravings/urgings do come back for a short while - only a short while. A week or so, all back feeling good again. To paraphrase one of our now prominent politicians 'your sobriety hasn't gone away you know'.
Bottom line, you want to be sober - I'm inclined to agree with Stirly, I'm somewhat less than candid with workmates for instance, just 'I don't drink' sort of statements, but I'm always aware that something can come back and bite you on the bum. Good long while ago, when I had a serious drinking implosion I had a mega row with hubbie and ran out on him to a hotel - had a mad bender and the next day was leaving the hotel still pissed and crashed in the carpark - the receptionist in the hotel came out to me and was lovely, she made me coffee and chatted and called hubbie and only after ages she told me she knew who I was, she's a cousin of my daughters boyfriend. To this day I'm in dread of her opening her mouth. So yes, I am fairly discriminating in who I tell.
Sorry for that long story - I prob needed to unload it
You are a lovely strong person, set the parameters of your relationship - tell him anything, just whatever reason you choose - that you DON'T DRINK!! After that, it'll be harder to drink than not.
Molly:l:l:l

[Ringing Cedars]

I've blown it - advice please?

Discriminating is practicing due diligence with family, co workers and acquaintances. Is that how you want to live with loved ones or potential loved ones?? I recently had the opportunity to date someone who is actually close in geographical distance. After posts, emails and a couple of live calls, I felt he had issues with alcohol. If I hadn't been honest about my journey, it would likely have taken longer to understand that. Go honest with you and everyone folks. Peace xo

[Dewdrop]

I've blown it - advice please?

I?m checking in from work so I?ll be quick. Thank you so much for all your support, yesterday was a difficult day and night, I had a restless night with sweats, anxious, awake often, I also have a burning feeling in my chest (reflux I think) and have woken with a headache and dry mouth. Not good and a great reminder of why I don?t want to go down this route again and it has really grounded me. I have a lot to accomplish at work today and feel like a half shut knife. I am off early tomorrow for another trip to London back late Thursday so I?m planning to take my running gear to keep active. I?ve been drinking loads of water but don?t feel the effect of it yet. I looked in the mirror this morning and can see the lines around my eyes and the dehydration in my skin, yuck. And I didn't drink that much

Okay enough of the pity party ? it?s my fault and I?ll deal with it. I?ve been online to see if there are any Smart Recovery meetings locally but unfortunately there aren?t. I?m not too keen on AA but maybe I?ll rethink that over the next few days. I do think I have let my defences slip and can identify the triggers which is good, I think I had become a little complacent, you just never know when life will throw something at you and I now know I need to be prepared. I just need to ensure that this doesn?t develop into a complete relapse. I appreciate the advice on how much you admit to regarding being AF and I am going to think about it and reflect over the next few days and make a decision on Friday.


Dewdrop :h