Masking Feelings.

[hippie37]

Often we use words or phrases like "I'm bored....that's why I drink" or "I've got a resentment towards so and so because......" or "I'm full of self pity" and the classic one "I'm depressed".

"Bored", "self pity", "resentment" and "depressed" are just words we use to describe feelings that we are unsure of or don't know how to acknowledge fully. To me boredom can hide all kinds of feelings that are not acknowledged Resentment can often hide feelings of shame, guilt, anger, sadness, loss and many more. As too can many other words that we use to hide from the reality of our true feelings.

The problem arises, when we try to look at our 'issues' in the context of these words we are denying ourselves the true reality of our pain and the real feelings that underlie these words.

When I say "I'm depressed" what exactly am I saying to someone? Am I saying "I feel lonely and my life feels unfulfilled". Am I saying "I feel angry with myself for allowing people to violate me" Or am I saying "I'm bored with life and full of self pity and feeling depressed".

How can you expect people to help you move forwards in your life when you use words that could hide a dozen feelings and no one really understands the true nature of what those are. You may not even understand what they are right now either. But don't you think you owe it to yourselves to investigate a little more? To allow yourselves to be a bit more vulnerable around your feelings? It's what we alcoholics do best is hide from our feelings. It's certainly the reason I drank for a big part of my life. It was to mask all of these feelings so I didn't have to acknowledge them.

Think about it. Next time you feel depressed ask yourself what is that really masking for you? When you start acknowledging that you get to the core rather than dealing with the surface. I can deal with surface feelings all day long but it will take a very long time before any real change occurs because I'm addressing the wrong issue. When I'm trying to address 'depressed' I'm missing out on addressing this whole issue of maybe feeling unfulfilled in the world. That's what I need to be looking at and how I can change that.

Many Blessings
Phil

[rubywillow]

Masking Feelings.

Hip, wonderful post, as always. I am so proud to have known you through some of your journey, and watched you transform. YOU are such a wonderful, helpful, example, of why why this site CAN work.
That said, as your post points out, what so many people forget is that in this whole equation, the bottom line is this: It takes our dedication to work, to be a REAL person, to get well. Because when we are drinking, we ARE sick. And we not our real selves, but awful caricatures.
On a personal note, I want to say I love your new avatar. THAT'S the real Phil.

[cymru]

Masking Feelings.

You have put into words what ive been trying too for days. Thanks for another great post mate.

[hippie37]

Masking Feelings.

That's the journey of a thousand miles (so as to speak) for me; which is to become my authentic self, beyond the conditioning and a belief system that's been motivated and enhanced through my alcoholism.

The only way for me to be authentic is to break down all those barriers I've built up over the years and to stop hiding from and acknowledging my real or authentic feelings. I have personally used that word "depressed" a zillion times to try and describe how I feel. But it's a word from my head and not my heart. When the two are connected (my head and heart) that's when the magic happens!! lol

Dedication, commitment and willingness to take those steps beyond just putting the drink down is something few people maintain though Rubes. Glad to see you're still alive well and moving forwards. Likewise Cym.

Many Blessings
xx