Sober Shyness.... Bah!

[kitty72]

Ok, I am only a week AF (this time) and tested myself to the limit last night by showing my face for an hour and a half or so with a friend who was knocking back the Bacardis at a party.

In my drinking days, this party would have been fantastic. Lots of people around my age instead of being in a club with 20 somethings and we all had a lot in common (Lots of faces I recognised from going out in the early 90s)

A lot of people were pretty much 3 sheets to the wind at this party and I was feeling pretty nervous - I did get chatted up by a guy who was nice looking and not very drunk but I found making small talk or flirting back a total nightmare in this circumstance, me stone cold sober is a very shy Kitty! Or maybe it was just I was so nervous being around so many drunk people?

Anyway, I was just musing about it. I think for a lot of alcoholics the pattern starts in our teens when we discover that AL gives us a certain confidence boost and goes on from there. 'Normal' people also discover the same thing but dont take it to the same extent.

Im certainly not shy around fellow alcoholics at AA meetings though.

Anyway, although I probably just spouted shite when drinking (I was never one to get REALLY drunk in public, I saved that for in the house, alone) I am finding the art of conversation pretty difficult without that crutch.

[EnglishWriter77]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

I think you're right Kitty, that's where it started for me - as well as 'peer pressure' as it were. Not many teenage lads don't consider going out and trying to 'outdrink' each other as par for the course.

It does kinda bother me that out of all of us though, I was the only one who ultimately 'couldn't handle my drink' and had to get silly with it. The rest are all leading responsible married lives now with 2.4 children!

Oh well, I haven't really been out and about much for years as I still avoid being around drunk people - mainly because I now realise what a bore most people are when drunk and obnoxious though!

That's right, I've become an AL snob :H

[theshark]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

regarding your quote never got really drunk in public im exactly the same if i told my friends and family i have a alcohol problem they would think i was nuts cos actually i dont get falling over drunk and i dont need a drink to go to work etc

[cymru]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

When I was out and had had around 6-7 pints I became Mr dickhead. Never violent or abusive, but I would think I was David beckham, mixed in with a bit of Tom cruise and jared Leto. I thought I was the man, and would chat to anything I liked in a skirt. What a dick I made of myself. Then around an hour or so later I would disappear ALONE only to wake up in the morning with stories of how pissed I was and 'do you remember chatting up ..... Gf'
Sober, I just clam up, don't have a fecking clue what to say and am really shy. How I managed to get into a relationship sober so easily I'll never bloody know!

[kitty72]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

I think I rambled on a bit in my OP - I always do. Basically my issue is that I am incredibly shy when sober and feel like Im not going to get anywhere flirt wise these days lol. Think I may have bored this poor guy last night haha! He did find it a bit weird I wasnt drinking as well, asked me if I was driving (I dont drive) when I said I wasnt he looked completely baffled!!!

[kitty72]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

Ahhh Jared Leto ! Can you send him to me for my birthday?

Definitely shark, most of us do drink alone and never show it in public. Women more so than men I reckon.

[theshark]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

PEOPLE DO TEND TO LOOK AT YOU AS IF YOUVE GOT 2 HEADS WHEN YOUR NOT STANDING THERE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC DRINK IN YOUR HAND IT SAYS AN AWLUL LOT FOR OUR SO CALLED CULTURE OR ARE WE JUST BEING PARANOID

[cymru]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

Boring ppl was is one of my specialities when sober flirting. Your so conscious of the awkward silence you just start waffling on about something the other person obviously has no interest in, but your too afraid to stop, cause u know you'll just fall back into that awkward silence again!

[kitty72]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

cymru;1085426 wrote: Boring ppl was is one of my specialities when sober flirting. Your so conscious of the awkward silence you just start waffling on about something the other person obviously has no interest in, but your too afraid to stop, cause u know you'll just fall back into that awkward silence again!

I was just half tempted to tell bloke last night the truth!! Would have made it a bit more interesting I suppose?!!!

[Chillgirl]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

I think the main issue here is that for years we relied on AL to give us confidence and therefore we never developed these social skills. I can remember in my early 20's getting "tanked up" before I went out so I would arrive and be the life and soul of the party.

Like Cy I though I was pretty amazing and woud be the one on the bar dancing like a female dick (cringe!) If I hadnt HAD to always be the most fun, daring, gregarious girl out then maybe I could have learned how to hold a proper intelligent conversation.

Kitty it takes time but I am finding a new real confidence in myself now and can hold my own pretty well in most circumstances but in the beginning I was SO self conscious I wanted to die! The brilliant thing is now the confidence is genuine and not the result of a stupid prop.

Like EW Im a complete AL snob and cannot bear the type of behaviour I once portrayed. :H

[Kimberley]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

I agree with Chill - it took a bit of sober time, but now I am all good.

I had been constantly drunk to gerater or lesser extents all my adult life so facing ANYTHING sober, let alone a party, was difficult.

But after a bit of getting used to being sober in these situations, I am just as confident as anyone else when it comes to socialising - and I am THE best flirt in town!

It'll come, kit.
K x

[lil.michelle]

Sober Shyness.... Bah!

This will most likely sound silly but I pretend that I've had a few drinks and fit in perfectly. I become less self conscious. If shit hits the fan and I say something or do something silly, it's ok cause
1- the other person is too drunk to notice
2- I can pretend it was the drink *lol* even tho in sober!
Works wonders for me... Try it! People will not know that you're not drinking anything after they've had a few and if they ask to buy you a drink, say water or coke as you've had too much already! That's how I enjoy a sober night out *lol* just removes that pressure I carry as others don't seem to care if i drink or not.