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Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

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    Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

    I thought this would be a good thread for newcomers. So I'll start, and invite everyone who has had success in controlling their drinking somewhat or totally to post their story. Not every story is perfect, but that's what I'm trying to share, there's no one path for each person to stick to. There are no rules except to help others, ask for help when you need it, and be kind.

    Here's my story so far. When I first came to MWO, I wasn't sure where to turn, and what to expect, nor how to effectively use the forum. I didn't understand that if you need help, you need to start a thread and ask for it rather than responding on someone else's thread with your story - that's considered "hijacking" and bad form.

    Another thing I didn't know was how anyone who appeared sober here, got there. I wanted to know the path, and how varied it was, in terms of success in moderating or going AF (alcohol free).

    I was a binge drinker as a teen and went from beer in my teens and 20's to wine in my late 20's, to more wine in my 30's to scotch (boyfriends introduced it) around 35. I went to vodka for low-carbing purposes and it plowed me under. I started having GI problems in my early 30's from the wine, and everytime I had too much alcohol of any type, I'd have these problems. Popped Anti-Diarrheals like candy.

    Lots of attempts to moderate (I'll just had half the bottle!), was able to in bursts but always went back spiraling out of control. Read the MWO book and came here a couple of years ago and used Topamax, the hypnotherapy, the aminos, Omega 3's and got free for a few days but felt I was missing out and had a beer and went back down the drain. Also the topa made my hair fall out so I then quit it.

    Came here again 2 years later in 2010 and started posting, took a while to get warmed up, hooked up with a couple people by using the private mail feature here, which is great if you are looking to find friends in similar situations. My first MWO friend Neva said she was trying Baclofen, which I hadn't heard of, and she eventually quit AL. I tried it and my blood pressure skyrocketed at 80mg/day, exacerbating an existing condition.

    I was also drinking heavily (1+1/2 bottle of wine, sometimes two bottles - or 1/2 liter vodka a night) and having terrible gut problems which had me worrying for my life, unable to breathe or drink water. Hitting the floor twice in a month for days at a time plus the support here plus the bac perhaps (still on 25mg/day) helped me to go AF for a few days. The support here can really help. Hitting your personal bottom can help you find your new self and redeem your life if you have lost it.

    I find one of my biggest issues is regrets, envy, jealousy and depression about wasting my life - all are AL triggers and I am working on changing the thoughts in my head, helps alot once you get the hang of it.

    So now I'm on a diet and I'm AF, in large part due to desperation - I'm turning 50 in a year or so and I cannot exist like this anymore. I'm going to lose the weight, control my drinking, and I'm going to be a positive force in the world for a change.

    I'm not sure I will be AF forever, but I do know I have no self control around alcohol/AL. I do look forward to having a glass of wine with my friend or family someday, after I get this sugar addiction out of my system and heal my thoughts and body somewhat.

    That's where I am today, my story for what it's worth. If you want more on my recent climb out of the dungeon, there's a thread called "Bruun's Titting Up" in the meds section.

    Okay, whose next??? Post your story of your little or big successes.

    #2
    Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

    So here's my story. Basically I've drank since I was about 20. My family and everyone I knew did. I never thought it was out of hand until about 5 or so years ago. Thats when I "tried" to quit. Well, thats what I told myself anyways. I bought all the books, supps....picked out a million different stop dates. Came here and it was great. Found a place I could relate. I kept telling myself I was trying but all the while I really wasn't. Just going through the motions.

    Well, I'm not sure exactly why, but the beginning of this month I got to thinking about my health. I don't have any problems right now but had my blood test done about a year ago and levels were high. I ignored that and kept drinking. I'm always researching on the web about AL, hoping it will help me understand and quit. It finally did. Something I read about liver disease made it all click for me. "The Silent Killer" is what they called it. Got me to wondering just how much damage I have already done, I could have something serious and not know it. Then I read more.....chronic illness, years off your life.....and then I thought of my son. That was when I was truly scared of what I have done to my health and what it will do to my future....and my sons future. Why should he have to pay for my mistakes. I don't want him to have to take care of his sick mother.

    So, on 3-15-11.....for the first time ever, I simply did not buy AL. It was hard but I made myself not stop. I was so happy the next day....so happy I bought a bottle of wine to celebrate....
    but that just made me realize how much better I felt without it. And although I've had a couple other slip ups...I am 9days out of 13 sober and don't see myself drinking again anytime soon.

    Long story short....nothing helped until I decided I had really had enough.....and nothing helped until I had a few days sober to see the other side and how much better I could feel.
    :flower: I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

    Comment


      #3
      Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

      Thanks brunn. Very interesting. I drank very little up to my mid 20's eg only weddings etc as I was brought up in a strict presbyterian household. Then around 25 I moved to Edinborough and started drinking 2 or 3 nights a week but as a normie. As I have posted on another thread today my alcoholism started overnight.One night I went out and felt this weird anxiety when the barman called last orders. I thought" no-I need more." It had never happened to me in my life before.I shook/laughed it off and went out again and the same thing happened again. I remember going home and searching for some alcohol in the house. That had never happened to me before. I decided it was tiredness after a recent viral infection and took a month away from the bars and had a good rest. I went back..and it happened again. Thats when I got scared..I have then spent years on the wagon off the wagon for different lengths of time.I am a binge drinking alcoholic and that has never changed over the years. It never increased past 2-3 nights a week. What has changed is how much I can put away in a night. It has gone up and up.

      My main problem is not how often I drink. Alkies like me don't need congrats for staying AF for a few days. Thats easy. We can achieve short periods of sobriety with minimal effort.My problems only begin when I start.

      1 If I drink I cant stop until I pass out.
      2 My behaviour is very very unpredictable when I drink. I am jekyll and hyde.A totally different person sober than I am drunk.
      3 My binges only last 1 night but they cause absolute chaos when they happen.

      I tried topamax but had a reaction to it. I tried antabuse but got bored being sober and "forgot" to take it.
      The first thing that helped me was lithium orotate. It calmed me down and took away a lot of the agitation/restless/irritable feeling that was sending me back to drink every time. I have also used low dose Baclofen 25mg about 3-4 hours before witching hour and that helped. I have stopped it now.I am using Antabuse again but only a quarter tab for high risk situations like st paddys day.

      My triggers are
      1 "normie envy" I am seriously trying my hardest to root that out but I struggle day in day out with that
      2 my partner and friends are all pub people and I want to go with them.
      3 Being alone in the evening. I hate it.

      Day 63 AF for me today.In this quiz I am type 5 allergic/addicted type.https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...self-5100.html
      I am a sobriety tart. AA/Smart/RR philosophy, meds/diet/exercise/prayer,rabbbits feet/four leaf clovers/horseshoes. Yes please.I will have them all thank you very much.Bring them on


      There is no way the bottle is going to be stronger than I am.

      Comment


        #4
        Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

        Interesting thread.

        I was a steady drinker, drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night, and increasing that on weekends or days when I could get away with it, nearly always in the evening. A nice boozy lunch was something I strove for as well, and would continue that to the evening. There was no stopping me once I got started, and I would generally drink to blackout every time I could. Weeknights would see me stumble to bed, weekends wouldn't see me at all.

        I went to a rehab, that espoused the 12 steps, but couldn't buy in to them at all. Spent a futile 6 weeks there arguing with the counselors. Something must have stuck though, because I didn't drink for six months afterwards, the longest period of sobriety I've ever had since starting drinking about 17 years ago. That came to an end, and I was back drinking beer and wine, which continued, with odd periods of sobriety scattered here and there. These periods were caused by me committing horrendous fuck ups while drunk, and having to sober up to atone for them. None lasted more than a month, and I was depressed as all hell during every one of them.

        Not drinking always made me very depressed, even though I was beginning to realise that drinking and me weren't really suited for each other. Drinking always made me come alive, the whole life-and-soul issue that a lot of us seem to have, but for me it was very real. I would be funny and engaging after a few drinks. I never remembered anything after a few more drinks, so my memories of drinking were always fun and exciting - I never remembered staggering away from the bar and vomiting, or passing out in a corner, so for me, it never happened Sad but true.

        AA taught me to "play the video through to it's conclusion." A terrible piece of advice in my case. I always saw myself in bed with the volleyball team, drunk and having a huge party. Never seemed to happen that way though, which is probably what they meant.

        One day, I typed "alcoholic cure" into Google, not expecting much, just desperate. Another drinking disaster the night before, and divorce was once again on the cards. Imagine my surprise when solutions came up. I had had it drummed into me that there was no cure, that this was it, until I got my act together or died. To cut what is turning into a tediously long story short, I discovered baclofen, which I have been using successfully since the beginning of January. I reached indifference at the end of January, and have been grateful ever since. I used to drink more on a random Friday night pre-baclofen than I have drunk in total since discovering indifference.

        Today I am on day 8 of a 30 day AF period that I decided to do on a whim, just to prove to myself that baclofen really does work, and it is effortless. The people in this forum have also helped tremendously, and I am grateful for them too.

        Sorry for the long post, I didn't realise how long it would be when I started it!

        Comment


          #5
          Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

          At 35 I have tried many many times to quit. Some successfully, others not. I once managed 5 yrs, but I feel money had alot to do with this. I was left money in a will, had a great job, and this was my vice. I spent around 60 thousand pounds in 4 yrs on clothes, cars and gadgets. That was my addiction. Once the money ran out I went back to the bottle.
          Other attempts have lasted weeks, sometimes months, but they weren't easy. At the 2 week period I would start feeling sorry for myself, think of all that money I could of used more wisely, get angry about family and friends influence and inevitably drink.
          I didn't really want to stop drinking. I missed the buzz, the drinking in the morning(!) and the way alc was able to put all my problems away for the night. AA use the phrase 'dry drunk' and I think I've been one when not drinking since 06. I also tried all the meds going, but ultimately they didn't 'work' for me. It was sometimes harder to live with myself not drinking than drinking. I was horrible to be around, fighting the urge to go buy a bottle and pushing away all those around me who loved me so I could find that 'excuse' to drink.
          I have been sober since march 13th. My last drinking binge ended with a broken wrist and a policeman knocking down my door.
          That was it for me. I don't want to drink. I have realised I cannot drink ever again. And I'm very comfortable with that. It's not that I know I have to stop, or others have told me, I have decided I don't want to. And I'm very happy with my choice.
          It's early days, but I feel a difference this time I haven't before. I am dealing with all the shit I've accumulated over the yrs daily. I am clearing my concience. Starting again in alot of respects. But there's plenty of time to rebuild. No matter what age we are. So much has happened to me in the last 3 weeks. All positive.
          It's still early days for me, and I'm being very strict in making sure I set targets and accomplish my goals in my initial, honest plan of action. I will not let 2 months go by doing nothing and then start the self hatred and worry. It ain't gonna happen!!
          Whatever our journey, together with MWO we can achieve our goals and be sober and happy!
          Cy x
          To Infinity And Beyond!!

          Comment


            #6
            Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

            Cy, AK, Coal, how are you guys doing today? Any updates? Anyone else out there with a story, even an unfinished story, to share?

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              #7
              Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

              I am 2 years AF....I stayed drunk for a solid 2 years pretty much before I decided enough. I tried supplements, read everything under the sun, paid LARGE amounts of money to try and quit. What worked for me was God. I went back to church. That is what worked for me, not saying it is for everyone, but I was not able to quit on my own.
              Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

              Comment


                #8
                Story Time: Please post how YOU reduced your drinking, or go AF? Tell your stories!

                Brittzak, I am so happy for you!!! 2 years is awesome - enough time to really get some traction in a new AF life. Beyond just the "I can not drink" point. WHATEVER IT TAKES.

                I couldn't do it alone either. My Way Out was my start at connecting with others who are also alcoholic. I swore I would N.E.V.E.R. go to AA. Maybe I'm lucky that I came across a couple of groups that I really enjoy and can identify with. (every meeting group is a bit different...I had to check out several before finding my groove) But it makes a huge difference for me to have local sober friends and to be involved in recovery related activities on a regular basis. Sponsoring other women is such an incredible experience I can't even describe it. Heartbreaking? Sure. But holding someone's hand - literally - while they make a baby step forward in their life is just....beyond compare.

                Anyway...

                I was a daily drinker from very early on. I took a lot of pride in being able to drink everyone including the men "under the table." I was the first one at the party, and the last to leave. I really hit my stride with this post-college in my professional life. (when my college party pals were taming down and moving on with responsible adult living!)

                Drinking started really catching up with me in my late 30's. It wasn't so easy to drink all night and be on time for work. The hangovers were worse. The obsession with starting drinking for the day became extremely distracting. In my 40's, things got steadily worse. I could no longer wait for 5PM. I made career choices to accomodate my drinking. My day drinking got worse and my boss caught on. I quit my job rather than be fired (or required to go to treatment). Alcohol had truly been dominating my life for a long time, but that was a turning point in my despair.

                I had to quit. That was all. It was just getting worse and worse. I was barely functional. If I didn't have a husband who was in denial right along side me, who knows where I would have ended up?

                I stopped drinking using:

                MWO Forum Support
                MWO supplements
                MWO Hypnosis CD's
                MWO Diet & Exercise recommendations.

                I didn't make it on the first try. Or the second or third or fourth. After 60 days AF I relapsed and really really struggled for a long time to get back on the wagon. That scared the crap out of me. Once I finally was able to get AF again, the fear of relapse is what sent me to AA. At that point, I was willing to try anything to get rid of that fear and build a solid AF life.

                And here I am. 3+ Years continuous sobriety. Amazing.

                That's the reader's digest version.



                DG
                Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


                One day at a time.

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