I am so frustrated. I had 7 months AF and then was getting pushed by my AA sponser to do my 4rth step (for those who don't know this is the one where all your dirty laundry and pain gets aired). I wasn't ready to do it as I also suffer from PTSD and Depression and my therapist told me not to but my sponsor pushed and pushed so I started. Well my therapist was right - I wasn't even close to ready. And I drank. That was at the beginning of March. Since then I have gone 4 days, then drank, 5 days then drank etc. I can't get my S#$# back together and I am feeling so overwhelmed and alone right now. Is it wrong that I just want a teddy bear and to lie on someones knee and have them tell me that everything will be alright? I'm 36 but the 10 year old inside me needs to be nurtured right now. My mom passed away 10 years ago which killed me and I just need to feel loved.
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Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction.
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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Hi Universal--I have been in the depths of loneliness for 10 years even when I did have a relationship going. I was the targeted parent in what is called Parental Alienation Syndrome--I lost contact with my three children. A parent is stuck in the grieving process forever in this situation unless you can re-unite. Having said that I am learning to live with grief through a wonderful support group of parents who have there or most are still there. I hug my pillows and dogs for comfort every night.
I don't have your answers but sounds like your counsellor is very wise and supportive and will help you through your pain.
As for AA-your story is one of the reasons for the recent "controversial" threads. All I can say is if this AA group doesn't work--possibly try another or go back to what gave you the strength to stay AF for 7 months and work it with some new tools and your therapist.
Wish you all the best. 7 months and beyond the this time.... (((hugs)))
Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
St. Francis of Assisi
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Uni...:soothe: :l :h you ARE loved! Very much. Sometimes we forget to love ourselves. Try to trust that everything is unfolding as it should on this long winding road. You are so admirable in the open honest approach you are taking in your healing. Chin up! You are doing great, even when it doesn't feel it.sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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big hugs to you un hey do things when you are ready not when someone else is pushing you ... so you drank oh well lets get back on the bull of life and ride baby ride .. but hold one this will be a bumpy ride .. love and hugs:beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..Comment
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You are loved. Tell your sponsor that you simply cannot. At this point. Some time in the future you can and will. But today, you cannot.universal;1087917 wrote: I am so frustrated. I had 7 months AF and then was getting pushed by my AA sponser to do my 4rth step (for those who don't know this is the one where all your dirty laundry and pain gets aired). I wasn't ready to do it as I also suffer from PTSD and Depression and my therapist told me not to but my sponsor pushed and pushed so I started. Well my therapist was right - I wasn't even close to ready. And I drank. That was at the beginning of March. Since then I have gone 4 days, then drank, 5 days then drank etc. I can't get my S#$# back together and I am feeling so overwhelmed and alone right now. Is it wrong that I just want a teddy bear and to lie on someones knee and have them tell me that everything will be alright? I'm 36 but the 10 year old inside me needs to be nurtured right now. My mom passed away 10 years ago which killed me and I just need to feel loved.
Uni. We all love you. I hope you know that.
Take your time. The steps are YOUR personal journey, not your sponsor's and not anyone elses.
I love you, btw. You are an incredible woman who has proved herself, to you and everyone else.
Stop the drinking, if you can, and start looking towards the future.
I love you, btw, you are a good friend.
Cindi
Oh, and perhaps get another sponsor?AF April 9, 2016Comment
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Hi Universal, AA make's such a big deal about step 4 I no of ppl that didn't do there step 4 for 5 year's and didn't drink. It's a personal step and one you should NOT be pressured into your sponsor most likely was taught this from her sponsor. Good luck and be good to yourself. TruckerComment
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Uni,
You are loved by many, many people in this community :l :h
I know you have already blown off that sponsor, she was a mistake - just another bump in the road on your journey. Try to forget her & the resulting fallout. Focus on today & imagine a great big, comforting hug coming from all of us :lAF since 03/26/09
NF since 05/19/09
Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:Comment
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Uni, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and lonely right now. It sounds to me like your husband could use a little counseling himself.
I wish I could say or do something to help. It sucks big time when we don't have our moms to talk to anymore, and family so far away......but you can do this. You are working hard and you will have good days and bad. Just don't drink, it makes you feel worse.
This song has been posted here at MWO many times, but it always makes me feel better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4c1woKwjWw[/video]]YouTube - You can relax now_Shaina Noll
Hang in there friend!:l:h_______________
NF since June 1, 2008
AF since September 28, 2008
DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
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:wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
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The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
ray:Comment
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Uni
You have supportive people in your life. Your therapist was spot on so discuss this further with him/her. If AA isnt the right thing for you right now, stay away. Wishing you all the best.
RustopComment
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IMHO, the steps, when done correctly and WHEN WE'RE READY, are great. That said, this is a personal journey. It's not for anyone else to set an agenda for you to follow. Group hug to you, and as you can see, so many have reached out to tell you they care, that you are important. You will learn from this experience, and you can make it a good learning experience. Always trust what you know in your heart is the right thing for you.:huggysigpic
Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:Comment
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Thinking of you Uni and hope you are okay.:lBe strong-
We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'TComment
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Uni :l:l:l:l
DGSobriety Date = 5/22/08
Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07
One day at a time.
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Uni you are L:hved and Big:l from me,,, Easy Does It, & Take Your Time, you will know when your ready in your own time.
Take Care and keep safe.xFormerly known as Teardrop:l
sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !Comment
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