I am a cautionary tale

[ATLThrash]

Hello all-- I have used this site and for my drinking behavior it helped me loads in the past-- I had anxiety issues that I needed to address (and of course that work is on going)-- however, this past week I drank alcohol 2 times and the last time I was up to the worst point I had ever been at-- 2 occasions-- and that is all it took! That fast and the work was down the tubes. Last night was the worst occasion-- I had a total of 6 beers in about 7 hours, "fell asleep" i.e. passed out) and woke at 3 a.m. frantic, depressed and anxious. I have absolutely no clue how my brain gets highjacked into thinking I can drink-- it took 2 occasions to knock me back to ground zero. I am especially scared because I see myself isolating again-- thinking of reasons to just not go out and about-- not that I am going to stay home and drink -- but just that I feel so bad about myself that I do not want the interraction. My husband is the type of guy who is low key but has many loyal friends who enjoy his company and occasionally they invite me along--they all drink (and who knows some of them may have issues with booze-- I don't know) but I find that when I get out I am more tempted to drink to just feel less anxiety. The rotten thing is that I am a outgoing person but I feel that the drinking I did in the past has totally changed my make up-- that now I just have no desire to do anything. I force myself to make things great for my son when in reality I should love to make him happy. I watched that Relapse show that is on in the states and when the alcoholic on it said that alcoholism hit him like a mack truck-- that is how I feel daily -- even if I am not drinking. Sorry to vent I just feel as if I am at ground zero and at this point I feel like my husband would freak if he thought I still had drinking issues-- he is ready to focus on going beyond that (but today I feel that I am right back at the same place I started)

[kitty72]

I am a cautionary tale

Im with you, I cant give advice as I am in exactly the same place that you are in today. I hope both of us can come through it xx

[rubywillow]

I am a cautionary tale

atl, I'm still here, still willing to help all I can. I would suggest you go back and read all the posts you can. You will see you are NOT alone in this, and there are a lot of relapses often before is success. READ, learn, and post. Make a plan. Think about what you want, and work out how you'll do it.
You're at a relatively low level of AL to be having these effects right now, but if you continue, it will get worse. So work on it now. I bet you look at exercise, diet, right? Include this like you do that.
There is much to lose, and much to gain.
Rubes

[Bruunhilde]

I am a cautionary tale

ATL, I'm right there too. I relapsed last night again. But I am NOT going back to nightly drinking. I feel like I made it out of that hole and I can't imagine getting back into it. A relapse feels bad but it's not the end of the world. It's just human to err, it's no reason to beat the hell out of yourself.

Today is a new day and you can start again. I don't know about your fast and stuff but you know about my diet, well, I've lost about half what I should have due to relapsing a few times in three weeks. Still, I'm starting again today. :l I'm determined to get there. I picture the rabbit and the turtle. I may be the turtle in this race but I will eventually win (over my issues).

[ATLThrash]

I am a cautionary tale

Wow-- very interesting and could explain why I feel like this when prior to having any issues with alcohol I would not have given any of it a thought-- though I always was an anxious person as I am a perfectionist-- but I never felt like closing myself off -- ever!

[rubywillow]

I am a cautionary tale

ATL, there are some GREAT threads here, and new links like the wise Sheri shared pop up all the time. So many people have 'Aha!' moments, or say 'That's me!', so just keep reading and checking all the info you can. Everyone is different in how they got here, but there are lots of similarities too.
Rubes

[ATLThrash]

I am a cautionary tale

Well it would explain alot-- because I do feel as if it is a total brain change-- which makes it harder to fight since you can't rely on past strategies for coping--just don't feel or think the same anymore! I suppose I should think that as long as I am alive that I can change and have a happy life-- it is not too late for that-- I wanted things to be much better by my May bday but now I will just focus on getting there at all. And to the good since I did not drink today I should sleep okay tonight. My husband had a job related crisis after the new year and has now changed jobs-- so my main support system is gone alot of the time-- I am not going to mess this up for him as he deserves to be happy and to not have to worry so much about me or household/child stuff. HE has a hard time with this becasue his parents are both heavy drinkers so what he thinks is okay to drink is ALOT-- though he can take it or leave it most of the time-- when I tried to explain to him that the thing was not the quantity of it but the feelings that came along with it-- it sort of freaked him out because I know in his mind he does not want to "label" me as a problem drinker or alcoholic and once one admits that their thoughts get out of control because of a substance-- that sends him in a state of alarm.