The word

[emily]

Hi

Hope no-one thinks this is silly but I have only recently accepted I really can't control alcohol and I'm quite happy with the words 'addiction to AL' but I can't use the word alcoholic! It conjures up all sorts in my mind.

Back to my childhood, whispers of he's/she's an alcoholic and the distaste and scorn that seemed to be poured on the poor person that was being talked about.

I've read allan carr's book in the past and he talks about the hypocrisy of drinking and I totally get that but I can't shake that I can't align myself with that word.

Does this mean that I've not really fully accepted my drink problem. I've been working hard on acceptance, do I have more work to do?

[rubywillow]

The word

It's a word. If you understand the meaning, what you call it doesn't matter. Maybe one day you can, but for now, again, understanding it will help you find how to treat it in yourself.

[DriftyAlison0]

The word

What you call it is not as important as treating it. Just make sure that you get your plan together and quit drinking.

[rubywillow]

The word

BTW: Alcoholic translations:

French - alcoolisees
Swahili - pombe
Portugese - alcoolicas
Icelandic - ufengi

Pick one of those if you need a new word in your mind. Now that you know tho, do the work, OK?

[mario]

The word

Emily imo I dont think that's a problem , go with what you feel comfortable with or use what ruby has said :-),The main point is that you are doing something about your problem.

[gyco]

The word

life

emily;1094431 wrote: Hi

Hope no-one thinks this is silly but I have only recently accepted I really can't control alcohol and I'm quite happy with the words 'addiction to AL' but I can't use the word alcoholic! It conjures up all sorts in my mind.

Back to my childhood, whispers of he's/she's an alcoholic and the distaste and scorn that seemed to be poured on the poor person that was being talked about.

I've read allan carr's book in the past and he talks about the hypocrisy of drinking and I totally get that but I can't shake that I can't align myself with that word.

Does this mean that I've not really fully accepted my drink problem. I've been working hard on acceptance, do I have more work to do?

:thanks:hi Emily, i've fought the same thing for years, ADDICTION is a good choice of words,there s an old saying ,once an alchoholic always an alchoholic, that is in the eye s of the beholder i wish you well:goodjob:

[Guitarista]

The word

Hi Emily,

Problem drinker is another term for us. You're here because you know you have a problem, so no matter what we call it, it's a problem for us, and we tackle it.

Have you read the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html here? Essential reading with lot's of useful tip's and info.

Best wishes on your journey, G-bloke.

[Doggygirl]

The word

emily, I was hung up on the word for a long time too. Like Sheri mentioned, I too judged others harshly as alcoholics, while drinking alcoholically myself for many years.

As my drinking problems (addiction) continued to worsen, I think I allowed my hangup over the word "alcoholic" to get in my way of seeking recovery. It took me awhile to remove the negative emotional attachments from that word, and just view the facts of my situation.

I'm an alcoholic. That is just a fact. What I DO with that fact is the important thing. I have stopped drinking. I would much rather be a non-drinking alcoholic in recovery than what I used to be - an alcoholic in denial who drank like a fish and was miserable and made others miserable with me.

For me, acceptance of "that word" was an important part of accepting the truth of my situation. And accepting the truth of my situation was instrumental in opening the door to recovery.

That is certainly not everyone's view of it - just my own experience FWIW.

DG

[coalfire]

The word

Emily I have been chewing this one over recently.

I read a discussion somewhere(maybe MWO,maybe not) and I will summarise it to the best of my memory
.The discussion said that if a person does'nt say that they are an alcoholic its because they are holding something back for future alcohol intake.If you do not tell your family/friends that you are an alcoholic then its fine to have a drink in front of them at some point in the future,however if you tell them you are an alcoholic then they will be horrified if you drink in front of them.Telling them you are an alcoholic boxes you in and holds you accountable.
If you are not prepared to be held accountable like that its because deep deep down you want to have the option of drinking again in the future.Thats the basic gist of the discussion that I read.

Now I have looked at that and thought about it for a long time and I think that there is more of an element of truth in that which makes me uncomfortable because I dont use the alcoholic word to describe myself.


However even though I see the wisdom in the above argument I dont think that it goes far enough in dealing with the issues that us alcoholics have to deal with when we decide whether or not to come out of the closet.

We live in a society that pretty much holds us in contempt.(I know that there are exceptions but you only have to look at the media etc to see what is written about us.)

Like it or not the alcoholic word has dark meaning for a lot of people out there. Most people have mental images that they associate with a word.

Let me give you an example. If you say kids birthday party to me my mind will automatically fill with images of balloons,streamers and a kid blowing out candles. Maybe you could say that is a really narrow image of a kids birthday,but thats what I think all the same.

If you say circus to me I will automatically think of red and white striped marquees,trapeeze artists and clowns with red noses.

If you say alcoholic then people will automatically think.........................
and thats what bothers me. What exactly is contained in the ........................?

Well I dont know exactly. I suppose it depends on the person and they are unlikely to come out straight and tell you.I don't know what people would think because I never tried it to find out. I only have the media to go by and the comments are not exactly reassuring.You say you remember your childhood and the distaste and scorn that was poured on the poor person who was an alcoholic and I remember exactly the same.

Now I know that there are exceptions. Some people are very well informed on the issue. Some people have older members of their families who have battled addiction and went to rehab etc and alcoholism is now an acceptable round the table conversation but not everyone has that history in their family. My family are very religious,very small town,very conservative,quite repressed and very middlle class.I could not explain how unthinkable it would be for me to start talking about alcoholism/MWO/baclofen etc. If I started pole dancing naked in the kitchen during Sunday lunch I couldn't create more of a stir.

In the meds section this week Loop's mum came online to talk about his addiction and to offer us support and I must admit I was VERY envious. You would be more likely to see a blue flying pig than you would to see my mum on MWO.

I am not prepared to open myself to judgement ,scorn and ridicule.I wish society would change their mindset towards alcoholics,I wish that desperately but I don't make the rules.

I had an interesting encounter the other day in work. I travel around a lot in my new job and I met this lady who I instantly liked.She was 20 years older than me but we clicked immediately and I remember thinking that I wished that all the people I met out there were like her.Anyway,at lunchtime a few of us were chatting and the subject of alcohol came up.Someone asked her was she going out for a drink at the weekend.She was totally relaxed and without stiffening,looking uncomfortable or without missing a heartbeat she said

"I don't drink...now don't get me wrong I did...I have worn that tee-shirt alright but not anymore" then immediately she launched into this amusing anecdote about something unrelated that had everyone laughing.

It took me about 3 or 4 seconds to work out the significance of what she had just said and by that time she was well into her next story. It was so well done that I wanted to stand up and give her a round of applause. She didn't pretend to be on a diet or antibiotics or anything like that.She let us know that alcohol was out of her life and we or at least I guessed that alcohol had not been her friend but she didn't get too heavy about it.Even the most conservative member around that table looked absolutely fine with what she had just said.It was just passed over immediately. Straight away I thought "Thats it-thats how I want to handle this some day."
I have decided to put the whole issue on ice for now. I am only 75 days sober and I am way too fragile and vulnerable to deal with "normies"and their preconceived ideas of what an alcoholic is. I intend to be on antibiotics/a diet or whatever for just as long as it takes. I refuse to pressure myself like that right now. Like people have said the main thing is that I know I am an alcoholic.As long as I know that and I am dealing with it and I am happy to talk about it on here where I am safe then thats all that matters right now.Even with my partner I don't use the A word and we have lived together for years.

Some day I will deal with it though and I intend to deal with it in a similar way to that lady.She really impressed me. We all have to survive within the cultural norms of our families/friends/ workplaces/communities and countries. I do not think that there is a one size fits all approach to using "the word".

I am only 75 days sober and maybe in the future I will change my opinion on this. Maybe some day I wont give two hoots what anyone thinks and I will call myself an alcoholic. Maybe I will relapse and I will find out that my stubborn refusal to tell people that I was an alcoholic was the cause of it. If that is the case then I will have to sit down and rethink the whole issue from scratch but that is where I stand on it today anyway.Time will tell.

[Doggygirl]

The word

Good post CF.

I like this part, and especially the part I bolded.

Like people have said the main thing is that I know I am an alcoholic.As long as I know that and I am dealing with it and I am happy to talk about it on here where I am safe then thats all that matters right now.Even with my partner I don't use the A word and we have lived together for years.

In my own journey, it has never been important for me to tattoo my forehead with "HEY!! I'M AN ALCOHOLIC!!!" You have IMO, wisely recognized a progression of wellness, and truth acceptance in the way you described the woman at work.

The most important thing is that *I* accept that I am an alcoholic. And it sure took a lot of fear and pain away when I became willing to tell the truth to other alcoholics here (and for me, at AA). I eventually told the truth to my husband. Then others in my family who have been affected by my alcoholism.

For the world at large, there it really doesn't come up much - other than situations like you described with the woman at work. And these days, if someone offers me a drink or asks about it, I am quite comfortable saying I don't drink. (and sometimes, along with a humorous something or other if the spirit moves me!) It wasn't always that way. I was very uncomfortable initially when a business associate or even a complete stranger would offer me a drink or bring it up some other way.

Acceptance (of the truth) was the first step for me, and the rest unfolded with time and effort learning who I really am in sobriety. (not trying to hide my fears an insecurities behind the cloak of AL)

DG

[coalfire]

The word

Doggygirl;1094833 wrote:

Acceptance (of the truth) was the first step for me, and the rest unfolded with time and effort learning who I really am in sobriety.

Yes DG I think you are right. It does'nt have to be a static one off decision. Our alcoholism was progressive so it would make sense that our sobriety would be too.

Thats worth thinking about Emily. DG is 2++ years sober. We might slowly develop our stance on "The word" as we go along.

Anyway I think it is worth finishing with the great Scarlett OHara quotation which I just love.

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow"

If its good enough for Scarlett...:H

[coalfire]

The word

Just saw this in DG'S weekly AA thread.

"Your opinion of me is none of my business"

I thought it would go well in this thread too. I am not there yet but I liked it anyway.

[rubywillow]

The word

Right, coal. And we worry so much about what others THINK, but that's their option. Problems arise when others try to impose 'their way', and this isn't about that. It's how we view ourselves, and becoming beautiful (male and female) in our own eyes, and whole again. And truly living the best life. The tools are here, the support is here, so we each have to take that and go with it. IMHO

[coalfire]

The word

What if it was you I met mollyka ?:H :H

I would collapse laughing if that was the case!



"It's how we view ourselves, and becoming beautiful (male and female) in our own eyes, and whole again. And truly living the best life."


I really like that rubywillow.

[GettingSerious]

The word

Huh. I ran across this post linked from another post. My two cents - I've had kind of the opposite experience. I readily accepted the word "alcoholic." I've called myself an alcoholic to the people that I know and trust, but it's THEY that are resistant to use that word, not me. I'm starting to wonder whether it's one of those "if you think you might be crazy you're obviously not crazy" sort of things.

For starters, after a lot of careful consideration, I told my boyfriend I was an alcoholic. His response? Well, we probably drink too much, but there's no way you're an alcoholic. But I'm drinking six times the recommended intake of alcohol per day for a woman, I pointed out. Those charts are crap, he says. Plus, you're only drinking three times the recommended daily intake of alcohol for women in the EU, and that's not that bad.

The really weird one was The Shrinker. I had been seeing her for five months. One night, I told her that I was An Alcoholic. I apologized that I had not told her sooner, because she was prescribing me medication and deserved to know about potential interactions. Anyway, she flat out told me that she doesn't use "that word." I asked whether she preferred the term "drunk" but she deferred on that, too. I like her, and I think she's probably as good as any other psych person, but it constantly amazes me that since that night, she has never once inquired into my drinking unless I brought it up.

I've told other people, and the responses have been similar. I really don't know what to make of it, but wanted to contribute to this thread. Based on my experience, if you start calling yourself an alcoholic, you're apt to get a pat on the head, a now now and a reassurance that it's truly just not that bad.

Maybe we reserve the word "alcoholic" as a term of denigration, something you call someone from afar. I don't know.