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    #1

    drowning again.

    drowning in drink again. lastnight i had 3 bottles of stella, 2 bottles of wine then opened a third but fell asleep. i'm fed up of being ill. if i could just stay off it for one night i feel i could get some decent sober time underway, but i know by 8 o clock my resolve will go. my husband is drinking lots too. i had beeen able to cut right back after seeing my lovely counsellor. i don't see her now as i'm back working full time in school and they are only open during school hours. i'm ill and truly fed up with it all.

    i want to enjoy fresh air and sunshine and cuddles without the fuzzy head. i want to be the loving wife and mum and the lady who is fantastic at her job that i know is in there just waiting to come out. rant over :upset:
    The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html
    Tags: None
    #2
    drowning again.

    Sorry its been that kind of night-I know it very well. You say that if you could get started then you might have a chance. Have you thought of Antabuse? I know its not a long term solution but a lot of people have used it for a week or 2 to get their AF run underway.Then your mind might start to clear and you could look at what else you have to tackle. You probably know this but Antabuse is only suitable for those who are 100% sure that they will not try to drink through it. It is a very dangerous drug to try and drink through.
    I am a sobriety tart. AA/Smart/RR philosophy, meds/diet/exercise/prayer,rabbbits feet/four leaf clovers/horseshoes. Yes please.I will have them all thank you very much.Bring them on


    There is no way the bottle is going to be stronger than I am.

    Comment

      #3
      drowning again.

      coalfire thanks for your response. i tried antabuse last year and drank through it as i was going through a nervous breakdown. i was drinking on morphine to numb back pain then took that on top and gave everyone quite a scare.

      i am far better now. no longer drinking on morphine and don't have such disregard for my own safety but i don't trust myself with antabuse just yet x
      The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

      Comment

        #4
        drowning again.

        Thanks molly, wise words as always. I'm going to do just that. Gonna have a chat with hubby in a while, see if I can get him on board. Right now I need coffee and to do some cleaning to calm my anxiety attack I feel coming on. I have some wine in the fridge that I need to pour away x
        The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

        Comment

          #5
          drowning again.

          girly wirly;1095149 wrote: drowning in drink again. lastnight i had 3 bottles of stella, 2 bottles of wine then opened a third but fell asleep. i'm fed up of being ill. if i could just stay off it for one night i feel i could get some decent sober time underway, but i know by 8 o clock my resolve will go. my husband is drinking lots too. i had beeen able to cut right back after seeing my lovely counsellor. i don't see her now as i'm back working full time in school and they are only open during school hours. i'm ill and truly fed up with it all.

          i want to enjoy fresh air and sunshine and cuddles without the fuzzy head. i want to be the loving wife and mum and the lady who is fantastic at her job that i know is in there just waiting to come out. rant over :upset:
          You will be - you just have to want to be that girl ! We cant fix it or do it for you but youan do it for you - starting right now

          Comment

            #6
            drowning again.

            Yes you are right to stay away from the antabuse then. Its not for everyone. Im sorry that you had a nervous breakdown and I hope that any residual depression from that has passed or is being treated. It good that you are telling hubby too.Articles that helped me at this stage were urge surfing and distress tolerance in the toolbox and these links too might help you https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ion-49109.html

            I wrote about my early battles here and how I got through it. I am only 76 days sober so I remember your stage very very well. You will not recognise yourself 70 days from now if you can get there. Try not to think of it forever..just set a little baby goal like 72 hours for example.https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ml#post1093326 ( 5 posts down and nothing to do with Baclofen)
            I am a sobriety tart. AA/Smart/RR philosophy, meds/diet/exercise/prayer,rabbbits feet/four leaf clovers/horseshoes. Yes please.I will have them all thank you very much.Bring them on


            There is no way the bottle is going to be stronger than I am.

            Comment

              #7
              drowning again.

              Oh Girly, glad and sad to see you here! Today is a new day. Just get rid of all alcohol if you can (not down your throat mind you ) and talk to your husband. This is for your family. You have gotten to the point where you need to make a choice and really try to stick to it. Do anything to stop - get back to a cousellor. Did you try Kudzu? That really helped me in the early stages. And all the supps. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. This is really tough, especially if a spouse is still drinking. BEST of luck to you friend.
              February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

              When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

              Comment

                #8
                drowning again.

                Hi Girly, don't know what else to tell you after reading the other responses to you here. All I can say is after 9 years of nightly drinking (after work til I passed out) I am finally AL free for 24 days now. I joined this site early last year looking for a miracle. Well after being here for over a year I have leared there is no "miracle". I can't speak for anyone else but for me after the first couple a days AL free this was not as hard as my "demons" made me believe for all those years. I filled my head with all kinds of reasons why I could not quit (I was afraid of WD's, not sleeping, not able to handle my emotions/thoughts). Now I can tell you that I had no WD's, sleep VERY WELL and handle situations way better than I did while drinking.

                I am still very new to this compared to the others here so I feel awkard giving advice but from where I was just a month ago to today all I can say is THIS WAY BETTER THAN DRINKING!

                I have also been going to SMART meetings, SOS Recovery and excercising. These have helped me stayed focused. And honestly whenever I think about drinking, immediately the bad stuff enters my mind (how sick it made me, how much it costs, how I really hated the taste even though I drank it everynight, how I shut myself out of the rest of the world). The drinking thoughts are temporary and the longer I am AL free the easier it has been to shut them down.

                I hope you are feeling better today and I know you can do this!
                AL free since March 17th 2011...loving this life. No drinking no matter what.

                Hi my name is Lori and i am so happy to be here.

                Comment

                  #9
                  drowning again.

                  And if you can get rid of the Alcohol in the house - on day 3 for me I gave my nephew the rest of the alcohol I had in the house. That made a huge difference in my mind. For me, I was telling the AL demons that they did not control me anymore. I would have never thought of getting rid of AL before - I drank every last drop I had. I would even take the empty bottles and get every last drop out before I would throw them away. Every small step you take will make a difference.
                  AL free since March 17th 2011...loving this life. No drinking no matter what.

                  Hi my name is Lori and i am so happy to be here.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    drowning again.

                    well we had a bbq in the hot weather this afternoon which was tough going, but i didnt drink. i'm now fighting with the decision to have wine tonight or not then be sober tomorrow. i just want it to be bedtime. i spoke to the hubby who agreed not to drink tonight, but we'll see. i'm just sobering up now after the weekends heavy boozing and feel a bit shaky :sigh:
                    The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                    Comment

                      #11
                      drowning again.

                      Hi Girly. I spent weeks going to bed early with either my laptop or recovery literature. Thats how I survived the first month. I remember going to bed before 6 pm quite often and I would do it again if I had to.I think you survive those early weeks any which way you can. Do you have a portable laptop?
                      I am a sobriety tart. AA/Smart/RR philosophy, meds/diet/exercise/prayer,rabbbits feet/four leaf clovers/horseshoes. Yes please.I will have them all thank you very much.Bring them on


                      There is no way the bottle is going to be stronger than I am.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        drowning again.

                        I do but I also have a huge plasma in my room too so I can Watch tv
                        The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                        Comment

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