Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

[caper564]

hey Y'all,
Happy monday!! tomorrow i will hit the 3 week mark. its been tough at times.

My inlaws (big drinkers) know we are not drinkng, this weekend the family came to our house for sunday dinner and they asked if they could bring wine and beer. Of course my husband said yes. I was a little upset. It was really hard and I was super duper Cranky when they left. I guess lots of built up anxiety. I made them take home what they didn't drink.

so question to everyone... Is it OK to tell family and friends No i would prefer you not bring AL to my house for now.
or as my DH put it "its our choice and we shouldn't push that onto other people" and "I don't want people thinking we have such a big drinking problem that we can't be around AL"

I see both side actually. but i am having a dilema. I love my inlaws and i don't want them not to come over and see us. I am afraind that might happen.

My mother in law actually said to me.. " I wasn't sure if you quit because you don't want to buy AL or you don't want to drink" I answered "both"

The evening was fine and we didn't drink at all but it was stressful seeing the bottle of wine in the fridge. I actuallly think it was taunting me and whispering my name.... is that possible?


Caper
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[coalfire]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Hmmmm. I would allow people to bring alcohol to my house because I would want them to relax and enjoy themselves. The world will continue to drink and we have to get sober round them. However I would have the leftovers down the sink in a heartbeat after they left. No way could I live with the bottle lingering in the fridge. So I kind of agree with your husband..but there might be a compromise. Why not suspend arrangements like this until you are up on your feet a little more? Then you might be a little more relaxed about it?

[Cinders]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Caper,

You are going to have to weigh whether being taunted by the darned bottle or perhaps not seeing your inlaws for a while is more important.

Good call on making them take the leftovers!! That ends the "well, it's here in the fridge, hmmm, mental conversation."

Good luck on whatever you decide. Three weeks is a great start. I imagine you are feeling physically much, much better.

Cindi

[caper564]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

good point... and yes i told my M.I.L. that i would pour it out if she left any behind.. she seemed to panic when i said that and started packing up their booze.. HAHA it was funny actually.

I think a few more weeks I should be ready to be around AL without any anxiety.. (I hope)

[coalfire]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

I went to a pub this week for the first time. I only stayed an hour and it was'nt as bad as I thought. It seems for me that the battle to stay sober is starting to become more of an internal personal one rather than something that is affected by having drinkers around me. However in the first 5-6 weeks I would have been affected by having drinkers around me so my first reply to you wasn't properly thought out.

[cymru]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

I dont think I could have a party at my house with friends and friends of friends here and drinking. That would be too much. But I would allow close family to drink at my house if I were having a meal or family social event.
But there is NO WAY I could have left overs in the house after they had left. Firstly, I live on my own and have no one as such to answer too, and I know that if wine or spirits were left, I would drink them sooner rather than later. I have no urge to go buy it or drink it, but if it was here I know the temptation would be huge. Even talking about it awakens 'that' part of my brain!

[kitty72]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Well, I woldnt invite anyone drinking or not over right now as I still havent properly cleaned up after my binge (I let housework slide big time then) last week as have just been concentrating on staying busy. I am a bit tired and drained today so will make a big effort on it tomorrow.

That said, even if I was in house beautiful, I couldnt have the nights with the girls like I used to over here where they would drink loads of wine - Usually me with them! I couldnt see me sitting there with lemonade instead!

[Doggygirl]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

IMO, it is completely up to you what you do and don't allow in your own home.

If people don't like the "rules" I have set up in my home, then they don't have to come. If they come, they need to respect my rules in my space.

By the same token, I don't expect other people to abide by anything other than THEIR rules in THEIR homes.

Period.

I don't feel guilty at all because I don't drink alcohol. I don't feel like a "lesser person" because I can't SAFELY drink alcohol, so therefore I don't.

I used to be a person who NEEDED my alcohol so badly that I was not willing or (truth be told) able to spend very much time in people's homes where alcohol was not allowed. That was not THEIR problem. That was MY problem. I have taken the necessary steps to deal with my problem. I cannot help it if other people have not yet taken the necessary steps to deal with theirs.

In my first year of sobriety, NOBODY was welcome to bring AL to my house. Period. That's just the way it had to be. My sobriety is my #1 priority, always.

These days I'm willing to allow a bit of AL. People have to bring their own, and it is disposed of when then leave. But if I become uncomfortable with that, I will have no hesitation making my home a completely AL free zone again. Period.

DG

[Wagoneer]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

I am not too bothered by people drinking in my house - my husband drinks beer (not my choice for booze - I am a wino) and he rarely has more than one or two in a night. I have had lots of family parties and I tell them straight up that if they want any alcohol, they need to bring it themselves and take it when they leave. In fact, a neighbor brought over a nice bottle of wine as a gift....I thanked her, waited till she left, put it in a bag and gave it to my sister-in-law to bring home. An open, or unopened bottle of wine left over would be bad for me. I don't want to tempt fate even though I think I am strong!

[RedJib]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

We have lots of AL at our house. A full bar, wine cellar, lots of homemade India Pale Ale... I said when I stopped that this was my problem and nobody else's. I don't want our family and friends to feel that their welcome is any different now than it was before I quit. I don't find the presence of AL in the house to be any great temptation. Really, if I think if I was going to waver in my resolve to quit, it wouldn't matter whether the AL was here or at the pub and stores down the road. The issue is located in my head, not in our kitchen cupboards!

[caper564]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

its funny, I realize that having to think about this situation makes the reality of alcoholism so vibrant.
I must say if I had a friend or family that was trying to kick the AL monster, I would be very respectful and show up with a botle of sparkling lemon water. I would never ask them if I could bring wine and beer to their house. We were hoping that My DH's parents would cut back as well. they did drink less than they normally would have so its a good start.

thanks for all the input, I enjoyed reading everyones perspectives.

caper

[coalfire]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Sheri;1096312 wrote: I think the key is to know thyself and the extent to which you can be around AL without risking your sobriety.

Sheri

I really like that sentence sheri.

[caper564]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

red your so right, That is fantastic. I could never ever have all that AL in the house and NOT drink it. part of my problem was i had to consume everything and anything that was around. I was a hard core alcoholic. am i allowed to say "was"?

I hope to get where you are and just not drink. I quit smoking 9 years ago and I was a hard core smoker. it took me a year before i could be around smokers. it doesn't bother me at all now. i say smoke till your lungs fall out.. LOL so i am hoping i will get there with drinking as well.

Sheri - i'm with you ... i would love to squirrel myself away but alas i cannot. its my husbands family and he didn't want to make it a big issue. i understand. but If it were up to me i would have said No , not quite yet.. i need a bit more time.

3 weeks tomorrow i am still shocked i made it this far. I don't think i have gone this long without AL since I was 16...

[Chillgirl]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Caper - I want to congratulate you on 3 weeks sober and on getting through the visit form your in laws. I didn't have any alcohol in the house for 6 months after I quit and even when I 1st bought it for some friends coming over I was extremely nervous about having it around. It was pretty early on in your journey to be faced with this and I don't know whether you intend to make it a regular occurrence. I think it's absolutely vital the booze leaves when the guests do, half empty bottles of wine are too dangerous.

At the same time you have to look at the experience as a positive one because although it wasn't comfortable, you dealt with it successfully and every time we repeat behavior in a different way we are changing the habitual pattern.

[mario]

Debate on allowing AL in your house after you quit!!

Caper At the start of this journey for me There is no way I would have people bringing drink to my house,I avoided social gatherings & parties for the first 6 weeks maybe more, I have gone to other houses where alcohol was in free flow but always left after a bout an hour,just before the alcohol levels of others rises & kicks in,cant be bothered being around drunkish people,dont interest me no more,Caper you have to put yourself as priority number 1,Beating this is not easy but it can be beaten.