Feeing pretty insecure right now -

[mumofsix]

stupid I know and really NO basis for this. Hubbie as some of you know has been away all week in America in Atlanta attending a conference. He writes retail software and since he has wrote it from the ground up - taking 10 years of development he is now trying to "break" into the US market to sell it. Its already in alot of the major retailing chains in New Zealand and also in a few in Australia too. He met with some bigwig from Microsoft yesterday and they are really interested in working with him and using his product. I have to admit I feel insecure and uncertain as to what this will mean for US. I know it'll be HUGE for him and he deserves it to be honest but I feel like me and the kids will be left behind while he goes all over the place and I'll be more of a solo mum than I am now! Maybe its the lack of alcohol talking. I should be happy this is his big break but I feel resentful and insecure. Bitch I know!

[coalfire]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Do you have any family that live close? Years ago families used to live in communities and this type of situation was softened by having your mum and/or sisters nearby. I think it is a worldwide problem now as communities break down...there was a lot to be said for the whole village idea. It will be hard for you there is no doubt. I can see how you would have mixed feelings about it. If you did not have family nearby and your husbans work situation was going to last for years would it be worth moving to be close to your family or is that a non starter?

[mumofsix]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Morning Coalfire - no I dont have family here and hubbies family are very high powered business people so they are away alot too. Our company is based two hours from where we live. We live in paradise in the country and his company is based in the city. Moving wouldnt fix it anyway - especially if hes constantly flying to the states. I sound like a 5 year old. I should just suck it in and go with the flo. This could be his big break and I'm just being a cow.Might go for a run.

[lolab]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Hi mumofsix....I do know what you're talking about...how long are you AF now?

I recently went 30 + AF and I felt really irritable at the end...I thought I was supposed to be all full of clarity and amazed, you know? LOL. I didn't give it enough time - I think. I had several "things" that happened and I ended up drinking again - and now want to remember how good it actually felt when I quit before.

Don't feel bitchy...I felt the same towards my honey when I was AF - and it was for WHATEVER reason I could come up with.

sheesh...I'm sitting here forever trying to come up with something meaningful to type....I guess, we're all as big of a mess as another, huh? We're all here struggling through trying to make sense of all of this and come out on top. All I know is that for each letter that I type, I feel like I might be closer to the answer for me......

[fluff]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

I don't know how old your kids are- but my husband did a ton of traveling when my kids were babies and toddlers- at one point the phone rang and my son pointed at it( he was under two at the time ) and said " DA-DA?" Well, all I have to tell you is-this too, shall pass- and things will get better for you- change happens and hopefully this will be for the best- just hang in there...Have a good run -be positive about the future!

[mumofsix]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Yeah I know I should feel positive and this is a very very big opportunity for him and one hes been working toward for so long. He's actually put EVERYTHING into this including 1 million dollars in development so its been a very very big investment for us. I think I'm just worried about being "left behind" and that I wont matter anymore if he makes it HUGE. We have been married for 24 years though and I have been with him since I was 18 (the same age as my daugher now lol) He gets to go all around the world and meet some very high powered business types. I'm just the mother of his kids. I know its the lack of booze affecting me though because I dont have anything to temper the raw feelings with and its now that I could just sit down with a nice glass of wine lol

[fluff]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Don't undermine yourself- or devalue yourself- You are the mother of both your children and that's an incredible job...! You will matter to him- if you know him well enough- gosh since 18!
You know he must be tired of all his traveling and must be wishing to be home with you and the kids...there's no place like home....

[Doggygirl]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Hi Mum. One of the things I realized when I first sobered up is that I had really lost sight of any identity of my own. I always did what I *had* to do in life (including career AND family) and did what was *expected.* And in return, I *expected* to be made happy. Well, that didn't work.

I am now on an adventure to figure out who I really am and what I'm really all about. I'm very, very fortunate that I don't have to work like a corporate slave any more, which gives me a lot of flexibility to try things professionally and personally to figure all of this out.

I know rearing children is a full time job in itself. Is there maybe a way to look at this differently - as a time of self discovery and opportunity for personal growth?

We may not be similar at all, so if this post is irrelevant just ignore it!

DG

[byebyebridgetjones]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

mumofsix;1097644 wrote: I'm just the mother of his kids.

Just the mother of his kids ???

Aren't you under-estimating yourself a bit there ?

You might start a little empire of your own while he's gone

Why should he get all the kudos ?

[mumofsix]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

I know what you meanr regards identity - I DO have my own and my kids are older now so get to do alot of good stuff for me. I run half marathons and this takes me all over NZ and overseas too. I do ok at them too. Its more that he will become so obsessed with himself that he forgets up us that I worry about as he gets caught up in what promises to be somthing of a "heady" experience for him. Just being silly anyway. He is pretty grounded

[rubywillow]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Mum, I live just an hour from downtown Atlanta! Was there Monday.
My Hubs has been with the power company 33 years. He's moved around a lot, and, since his last big promotion, is there almost non-stop. I felt I was raising the kids alone. It IS a hard adjustment, and once the kids moved out, I think the lonliness contributed to my drinking. We both had to be committed to our marriage, to make the most of our time together. Talk to him a bit about your feelings. Don't keep them inside, OK? For me, it just made the resentment more.
BTW, if you're ever here to visit, let me know and we'll have lunch or dinner, and I can show you our state!

[mumofsix]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

rubywillow;1097668 wrote: Mum, I live just an hour from downtown Atlanta! Was there Monday.
My Hubs has been with the power company 33 years. He's moved around a lot, and, since his last big promotion, is there almost non-stop. I felt I was raising the kids alone. It IS a hard adjustment, and once the kids moved out, I think the lonliness contributed to my drinking. We both had to be committed to our marriage, to make the most of our time together. Talk to him a bit about your feelings. Don't keep them inside, OK? For me, it just made the resentment more.
BTW, if you're ever here to visit, let me know and we'll have lunch or dinner, and I can show you our state!

Thankyou for beins so lovely - you are right - I would be priviledged to meet you and will take you up on it one day - unless all my new AF friends want to come to NY in November and watch me run in the marathon!

[ATLThrash]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

Mum--I ams ure if you tell him your concerns face to face and ask him how he thinks he could address them to make you all both feel okay-- it should not be that one partner is getting their dream and teh other feels left behind-- I often felt that way when after I became "just a mom" and my husband go to go places, see people, make money, etc etc. I still struggle with it so I am not sure what the answer is. But I do know that when my husband was making some big business moves I had the same fears-- that he was getting more of a life and where in the heck would i be-- just the same old sad life etc etc--but he explained that he was doing it for all of us-- that if he is fulfilled , he will be happier etc, that we had discussed it and my temporary scaredness should not derail the long term plans-- that it was just all new to me and I could not control it. I am sure too that the recent changes you have made with your drinking have you feeling really scared as well-- the mind can just spiral into every parade of horribles--mine certainly does. I am not sure how old your youngest is but perhaps if hubs begins to travel you might be able to go on some of the trips-- to feel more connected (and see some fun stuff too). Also if the deal is really large-- maybe he will be able to hire some assistance to help him with getting it in the markets-- surely they could not expect him to do it all! If you tell him you are just concerned because you do not want to lose your closeness to him-- that will lead to a good discussion I bet (I blew my initial talk with my husband by just focusing on how i felt so left out-- that lead to his defensiveness, but after he realized all I wanted was to make sure things only grew in a good way he was very happy)

By the way, my brother in law is at that conference with microsoft. He met my hubby for lunch yesterday. Small world isn't it? It is very pretty here again today-- but the pollen is unreal-- I gardened and it was a itchy , sneezy experience!

[Jacob]

Feeing pretty insecure right now -

There is only one thing that i would say !!!
Talking is good in a relationship . . . So dont hesitate to talk about the thing.