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    #1

    SOBER SEX???

    hi all,
    Yes thats right I want to talk about SOBER SEX. This is the 1 thing I did not consider on my journey to be sober. I sat one night and thought about it and I don't think I have had Sober sex since I was in my 20's perhaps even a teenager. Is there anyone else out there with the same dilemma? I used AL to loosen me up and get into the MOOD. Candles and long soaking baths never really did it for me.

    My husband and I have been together for 20 years and married for 15 of those. I can't remember not going to "bed" without a glass of wine or a bottle of whatever with me. So what now? I have been Sober for 31 days and I am terrified to have "Sober Sex". what if its horrible? what if I hate it and never want to do it again? what if I NEED AL to get turned on? Its hard to forget about being overwieght, old and saggy when your sober, (sad but true).

    anyone? advice? help? thoughts? jokes? anything?

    Caper

    :anyone:
    caper
    AF since Sept 2013...
    :alf:
    Tags: None
    #2
    SOBER SEX???

    Just do it


    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

    Comment

      #3
      SOBER SEX???

      what a curious problem....I have never thought about it and I think Mario is right....just do it. Once you get started you should get in the mood....talk to Hubs and tell him you may need a little more foreplay since you are sober??????
      Good Luck and BRAVO ON YOUR SOBREITY
      I love my family more than alcohol.:h
      Live in the Solution....not the problem

      Comment

        #4
        SOBER SEX???

        Both excellent points above-though I understand your hesitation. Go for it.

        Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


        St. Francis of Assisi

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          #5
          SOBER SEX???

          it is slightly different for me, being the guy in our relationship - however from my perspective, being AF has enabled me to enjoy sex far more - for one thing no fear of "brewers droop".

          AL also numbed me, now i can feel every sensation during sex, far more than I ever could. I know sex is different for guys and girls, however alcohol numbs everything - and being able to feel is never a bad thing.

          also as Mario said ....just do it

          Comment

            #6
            SOBER SEX???

            I too had very little sober sex for many years and found AL drastically reduced my sex drive,
            being AF brought my libido back to life.
            Once you get over the initial self consciousness I think you can reawaken the sex Goddess from within....:h
            "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
            AF - JAN 1st 2010
            NF - May 1996

            Comment

              #7
              SOBER SEX???

              Agree with all the points made above. Don't be surprised if sober sex is a very different experience, and if you start to feel a bit flooded with emotions that have been numbed and concealed by AL. Just let them come (no pun intended) and pass; they will, and it will be fine. Really.
              Resisting all Magical Thinking...one day at a time

              Comment

                #8
                SOBER SEX???

                Hi Caper, I don't think you are alone with this issue. I too, had not really had much sober sex in decades. I do find, that alcohol was a bit of an aphrodsiac. Sometimes I don't feel the urge to have sex as much, while living sober. I have been married for over a decade. The sex itself, is very enjoyable. The extra fire ( for lack of a better word ) that booze would add sometimes is not there. But, this is one small issue, that I am willing to work on, in order to live my wonderful, sober life.

                I think you will be fine Caper, be patient.
                Hill
                Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

                Comment

                  #9
                  SOBER SEX???

                  Amazingly, I've never had sex while intoxicated, at least not since I was 20. I hated the idea of not truly "being there". I suggest you try what the others say...just give it a whirl. Maybe you can start out slowly, with just you and hubs touching each other, then gradually work your way back up over a period of time. I hope things work out...

                  Comment

                    #10
                    SOBER SEX???

                    Just going to throw in m two cents. I find if you start increasing your exercise (maybe just start with long walks,) and increasing your frequency, it allows your endorphins to kick in. Once they kick in it usually helps with wanting to be intimate, even if you are not quite "happy" with your body. It does seem to help!:h

                    Ive learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. -Martha Washington

                    Comment

                      #11
                      SOBER SEX???

                      I agree with sunshine. Exercise and feel good about yourself.
                      Personally, alcohol was rarely an aphrodisiac, unless i drank in small quantities, which I rarely did. I guess everybody is different but I've felt much more sexual and energised while abstaining.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        SOBER SEX???

                        Sober sex is the only kind of sex. Alcohol fuelled sex is just tiring and less memorable. If it's about body issues just turn off the light.

                        ENJOY YOURSELF!

                        med+c

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