feeling low...

[looking for peace]

I haven't posted in quite awhile partly because I haven't been doing well with alcohol for several months. I just feel so low. I've been examining the last 25 years of my life and I have so many regrets. Drinking for much of those 25 years (I'm 50 now). Similar stories to many of you. Promising myself not to drink daily, sneeking around, forgetting things, cancelling plans. All the same old stuff. I am so tired of it.

The problem is it is the only way I have dealt with anxiety, depression, loneliness, bad news, good news, you name it. I feel so hopeless and sad when I don't drink. When I drink all of those negative feelings get washed away. But we all know that's only temporary and the feelings comeback in the morning tenfold.

Lately I have been struggling with sadness and regret about a move we made 3 years ago. The housing situation bit us on both ends. Bought current house at too high a price, still can't sell the old house. I know this is a situation that many may be in, but I still take this personally. I miss my old friends terribly and am very concerned about my autistic son's future the older he gets. My older son is leaving for college next year. I feel like I am focusing on the negative, but I don't seem to be able to help it.

I feel like I have no control over anything. I realize that the one thing I have control over, is deciding to have that first drink. So I am going to get back on the wagon again today. If I can do this, at least I would have accomplished one thing.

I cried all day today. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[Meech]

feeling low...

Looking for Peace,

You can do it. I have been struggling too. Let's both only do one thing today....NOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!

If someone asked you to pour poison down your throat, it wouldn't kill you outright but over time it would break your body down bit by bit until you die plus the added advantage of giving you gobs of depression and shame. Would you take it? Of course not.

But that's what we have been doing with alcohol everyday. WELL IT'S OVER!

Today is a new day and the first day of the rest of our lives. I hope just knowing you won't be picking up that drink today, and knowing that you will wake up tomorrow morning with a little more pride and absolutely no regrets will add some hope and a bit of a positive lift to your spirits!

I'll check in tomorrow expecting great things from both of us! :h

[looking for peace]

feeling low...

Thanks so much for your post Meech. It lifted my spirits. I would love to have someone to be accountable with. Good luck to you!

[Meech]

feeling low...

Alrighty then. Let's do this!

[hillsidetime]

feeling low...

Hi Looking, I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling. Certainly, life has piled a great deal on your plate at this moment. It is not fair how sometimes things come in storms.

You hit the nail on the head, when you stated that the one thing you have control over is not drinking. You can do it. Another thing you have control over, is hope. Don't give up hope, that the storm will diminish or clear.

With a sober mind, you may be able to see more perspective on things. With a sober mind, you may stand a better chance of starting to mentally feel better, and you may be able to do more or different things to help your family through this and future storms. It is so worth the battle. The battle is not easy, but I would not go back to my old drinking life for anything.

Hang in there, PM me any time if you need to talk. My kids are still young, but I am a parent. I am married. I almost lost my wife, and family due to my drinking, and I don't want you or anyone to go down that path.

Hill

[looking for peace]

feeling low...

Hillsidetime and everyone else, Thank you so much for what your wrote. It really resonated with what I have been thinking about since yesterday. I can't control the economy, housing, my height, what other people do,think, etc. But I can control what I put in my mouth. I went on a low carb diet a few weeks ago and I was very easily able to control not eating carbs. It was easier than I thought. If I decide to do it, I can do the same with alcohol. It's about how I set my mind.

If I keep using alcohol, I have absolutely no chance of things getting better. In fact things will get worse. If I stop, there is a chance that things may actually change and may get better. I had a good day yesterday and plan on another good 24 hours.

[mario]

feeling low...

Hi looking for peace ,its just nice to see you hear.hope you keep posting.

[hillsidetime]

feeling low...

Hi Looking,
one thing to remember. The low carb diet, is it for a short period of time, and than returning to a full healthy diet?

One thing I found, and others here too, is that our blood sugar has a hard time leveling off, after going sober. The sugar cravings are pretty severe for some people. A low carb diet, and going sober, might really leave you in a weird place with sugar. Perhaps take care in this.

All the best,
Hill

[sunshinetoday]

feeling low...

Hi Looking,

I definitely have the sugar cravings. I had cookies for lunch yesterday. I had cake tonight for dinner, and I don't even care. I will still feel better tomorrow morning than if I had several bottles of wine.
Don't worry that you had a drink, don't worry about the things that are already past, just focus on today. This is your journey, however it comes. No one said you have to go AF and never turn back. It's when you quit on yourself that you lose. Don't focus on things you can''t control, just focus on what you can control. I'm just rambling. Anywho, I support you! Welcome back!

[Doggygirl]

feeling low...

looking for peace;1105735 wrote: If I keep using alcohol, I have absolutely no chance of things getting better. In fact things will get worse. If I stop, there is a chance that things may actually change and may get better. I had a good day yesterday and plan on another good 24 hours.
This is exactly what I figured out, after many years of drinking and lots of similar patterns as you have described. Especially the endless cycle of guilt and remorse and being "stuck." Just accepting what you wrote above went a long way to help me on the path to recovery.

hillsidetime;1106041 wrote: One thing I found, and others here too, is that our blood sugar has a hard time leveling off, after going sober. The sugar cravings are pretty severe for some people. A low carb diet, and going sober, might really leave you in a weird place with sugar. Perhaps take care in this.

Actually, the My Way Out book recommends a low carb diet. Sugar and alcohol are close cousins. Feeding the cravings (with sugar OR alcohol) tends to just fuel more cravings. This is documented in many, many places such as:

My Way Out
The Diet Cure
The Mood Cure
7 Weeks to Sobriety
Potatoes Not Prozak
And others....

I followed a low carb diet when I first got sober and that worked really well for me. Letting sugar/grains back into my picture just causes me problems. Hill, not sure what your concept of low carb is but I assume you think it's "unhealthy?" Lots of misperceptions out there about low carb.

Anyway...just want to wish you the very best for TODAY. You are so right about what we can control and what we can't. I'm not going to pick up the first drink either today. Together we can do this.

DG

[Meech]

feeling low...

Looking for Peace,

How are you doing? Great points (I think Mollyka) about how everything is soooo much worse when you are either drinking or feeling the effects of the hangover.

Hoping every day you get away from that AL Beast things will feel not quite so overwhelming.

[looking for peace]

feeling low...

Thanks for checking in Meech. I am doing OK. I have just been very lonely in the last few days. I think the regret of moving is really getting to me, but I must move on and figure out the positives in this move. And the problem is, the way I would deal with feelings of remorse and loneliness (which I am feeling profoundly right now) is to wash them away temporarily. I know I have to just sit with these feelings and try to look at the positives and be pro-active about my life.

How are you doing Meech? I sure hope you are doing well.

[QuitinTime]

feeling low...

Me too see the Jounrney thread - you are not alone.

[RedJib]

feeling low...

I'm a bit late joining in here (busy week), but I want to say that I went on a low carb diet within a couple of days of going AF in January, and I'm positive that it helped a great deal. I was much more stable in my moods (yeah, that's all relative in those early days of withdrawal--there were definitely still some tough moments), and I just didn't feel any compulsive urges to consume sugar, starchy foods, and alcohol.

I also found that my longstanding anxiety has almost disappeared. It grew over two decades, and I thought it was maybe an inherited (genetic) problem that had been dormant in my adolescent and young adult years. Wrong! It must have been an effect or by-product of alcohol abuse, not a cause of my increasing consumption through those years. This was a total surprise to me, and one I'm very happy to have discovered.

As for the diet, I've recently added some carbs back (now 'controlled carb diet' is what I think it's termed), and though I'm not losing any more weight, I don't feel so bagged out after a long run, either. So far, increasing my carbs after 3.5 months sober isn't causing me to have cravings either, and that's also a good thing. I'd say go ahead and try low- or controlled-carb eating for awhile. It's quite safe for losing weight, and whether it's safe long-term (ie. for years) is still up in the air. Nothing to fear, anyway.

[looking for peace]

feeling low...

I really blew it last night. Had a major problem with my son and was so upset I started drinking, I drank almost a half bottle of vodka and fell awful today. I feel awful, scared and I loathe myself. I had a good weekend up until that drinking wise, but my mind was so anxious, I started smoking cigarettes. I haven't smoked in so long. How can I be a good example for my son, if I keep doing this. I decided to fess up to you at least everytime I slip and fall hard. I just want to cry.