Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Miss Behaving;1108237 wrote: But I would be very interested in a male perspective on what 12-13 year old boys need in their lives to help them transition into being great blokes.

I would be too....and thanks for understanding Missy Bum. I think you know a LOT more than you think you know.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Angelcakes;1108239 wrote: Evening Grunderpants.
And nighty night.
xo

...and what are you up to before you bugger off ???? :H

[sapphire1]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Hey there Missy,

I have always believed that boys need to greet each 'right of passage" with a decent, sensitive bloke walking right beside him. My sons missed out on that and to compensate they gravitated tiowards uncles, grandfathers, family friends for the sort of male bonding/trust building that they intrinsically understood to be essential to their emotional and spiritual evolution. One of the reason that it irks me when sons are kept from spending enough time with their dads and or the fathers are unavailable to them for other reasons. It was bloody tough going helping to navigate my four sons through the minefield of devlelopmental life crisises. An absent father meant that I had to help them with their first razor; discuss sexulality; teen depression/anxiety, all alone. Had to break up physical fights and sit many many nights waiting for them to come home safely. Young males NEED strong male attention to show them that they are safe in this world and to reasure them that within the clan they are accepted, loved and cherished.

I am not suggesting that single mums cannot raise wonderful blokes, we can. It just makes the whole process so much more balanced and easier going if there is a significant male taking some role in their lives.

[Miss Behaving]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Mr G, Reggie, Mario, KTAB .... the challenge is yours! And Sapphy - having managed all your boys into adulthood!

[Guitarista]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

What do 12/13 year old boys need to make the transition to good blokes Missy?

1.I dunno, um, good consistent older male role model's.

2.The opportunity to make their own decisions safely, and be responsible for the outcome?

3.Humility. e.g. Get 'em involved in a local homeless shelter christmas lunch, and/or volunteer work, which can just be now and then? Encourage/facilitate/organise/delegate the kids school to set up a fundraiser/volunteer event or project?

4.Earn/work for their cash, so as to see that A (working)+ B (money earned) = (independence and goodies for me!) Hopefully through methods 3 & 4 they will start to learn the meaning of respect.

[Miss Behaving]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Sapphy - that was a wonderful post - thank you!!

So was yours Mr G!

Confirms my gut instincts (but maybe this was because it was how my parents raised us?? I have mostly brothers, so have lots of experience with the end result of raising boys

[sapphire1]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Guitarista;1108248 wrote: What do 12/13 year old boys need to make the transition to good blokes Missy?

1.I dunno, um, good consistent older male role model's.

2.The opportunity to make their own decisions safely, and be responsible for the outcome?

3.Humility. e.g. Get 'em involved in a local homeless shelter christmas lunch, and/or volunteer work, which can just be now and then? Encourage/facilitate/organise/delegate the kids school to set up a fundraiser/volunteer event or project?

4.Earn/work for their cash, so as to see that A (working)+ B (money earned) = (independence and goodies for me!) Hopefully through methods 3 & 4 they will start to learn the meaning of respect.

Well said Geester,

The humility bit is a biggy. I think a pathological sense of entitlement can be kicked to the curb if younguns get to see first hand how well off they are. Our local homeless shelter would be great start to that sort of education. My blokes visit me at work and have meals occasionally. They dont say very much but their eyes are wide with amazement when they see young folk their own age really realy down on their luck and with nothing but the shirts on their backs (not Billabong shirts BTW).

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

sapphire1;1108246 wrote: Hey there Missy,

I have always believed that boys need to greet each 'right of passage" with a decent, sensitive bloke walking right beside him. My sons missed out on that and to compensate they gravitated tiowards uncles, grandfathers, family friends for the sort of male bonding/trust building that they intrinsically understood to be essential to their emotional and spiritual evolution. One of the reason that it irks me when sons are kept from spending enough time with their dads and or the fathers are unavailable to them for other reasons. It was bloody tough going helping to navigate my four sons through the minefield of devlelopmental life crisises. An absent father meant that I had to help them with their first razor; discuss sexulality; teen depression/anxiety, all alone. Had to break up physical fights and sit many many nights waiting for them to come home safely. Young males NEED strong male attention to show them that they are safe in this world and to reasure them that within the clan they are accepted, loved and cherished.

I am not suggesting that single mums cannot raise wonderful blokes, we can. It just makes the whole process so much more balanced and easier going if there is a significant male taking some role in their lives.

Well, as usual...you've got it down.....but these decent sensitive blokes ???
Where....apart from here....do we find em ? :H

[fickle]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

[quote]byebyebridgetjones;1108215 wrote:

I just think we all want to all be 'nice'. And life is not 'nice'.
And in the process of attempting to make everything 'nice' for our children, we have turned them into entitled brats.
I do blame the politically correct movement in part for disempowering parents.
But ultimately we have to blame ourselves for buying into it, not that it doesn't have it's merits, but I think we just swallow this stuff whole sometimes.

Agreed Bridget!

Evening all

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

If I may be so bold I would say a trusting male presence is important, just as I imagine a female one would be in a girl of that ages' life.
I think boys need someone who can give them their time, listen to them and teach them respect both for themselves and equally as important, respect for others. I feel that without this it can be easy for them to be caught up in their peers perceived macho bs of not caring about sexism and to a lesser extent racism and trying to play the big man and all the peer pressure that can bring to the table at that age. In addition they need to learning that part of growing up is taking responsibility for the outcomes of their actions and how they effect others, be that in a good or bad way. It is a very confusing time in their lives and there are so many message being thrown at them from all angles in the modern world. I imagine it is much harder for them than it was when I was that age.

[sapphire1]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

byebyebridgetjones;1108258 wrote: Well, as usual...you've got it down.....but these decent sensitive blokes ???
Where....apart from here....do we find em ? :H

Dunno Bridge, although my two brothers are just the ticket and have stepped in to help me with the boys from time to time. Rowan also has a great uncle who hugs and kisses him and loves him to bits (much nicer man than his father).

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Guitarista;1108248 wrote: What do 12/13 year old boys need to make the transition to good blokes Missy?

1.I dunno, um, good consistent older male role model's.

2.The opportunity to make their own decisions safely, and be responsible for the outcome?

3.Humility. e.g. Get 'em involved in a local homeless shelter christmas lunch, and/or volunteer work, which can just be now and then? Encourage/facilitate/organise/delegate the kids school to set up a fundraiser/volunteer event or project?

4.Earn/work for their cash, so as to see that A (working)+ B (money earned) = (independence and goodies for me!) Hopefully through methods 3 & 4 they will start to learn the meaning of respect.

What are you doing for the next ten years ? :H:H:H

[Guitarista]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Yep, i think humility is a good one. My sister in law has wanted me to take my nephews/neice to a similar joint, and so i will. They'd benefit from it for sure.

I think encouragement is important too, and just some basics like how to address people. e.g. shake hands, (firmly for mine) look someone in the eye, etc. This stuff opens doors everywhere.

[Miss Behaving]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Guitarista;1108248 wrote:

3.Humility. e.g. Get 'em involved in a local homeless shelter christmas lunch, and/or volunteer work, which can just be now and then? Encourage/facilitate/organise/delegate the kids school to set up a fundraiser/volunteer event or project?

Mr G - just wanted to say that my Dad had me involved in the local St V de P night shelter when I was 10. I kept on at it until I changed houses and it didn't work anymore in terms of public transport. I am forever grateful that he gave me that chance at understanding how life isn't always fair.

[fickle]

Underoo's and guests, May 1st, 2011.

Rags;1108155 wrote: Well, I guess from my posts my feelings are the same.

Doggies back home. Have just burned a dvd of doggy pictures I took and will post to them in about 20 minutes.
NEVER EVER buy white carpet! When I get back from Palau I'm taking myself to Harveys to buy a Reggie style steam mop for the (sob sob) pale flooring that goes with the carpet. This has however , shown me how quickly my floors get grungy.

Yep, I have a white tiled hallway which dawgs cover daily in mud & fluff.