self-acceptance/moving on

[medic]

Friends,

I find the hardest thing about AL abstaining is self acceptance and forgiving the self for my actions perceived or actual. I have never done anything truly awful (by society's standards) but I have not been the strongest person, integrity-wise, either.

I have so many regrets about the past in the way I have dealt with loved ones, though I feel they have been predisposed to cynicism in their judgements of me. I have always tried to be the cool one and threw off cold remarks in my direction like a trooper then realizing how hurtful those comments were in retrospect.

I am by no means perfect. I don't want absolution just equilibrium. This is my drink story.

med+c

[mario]

self-acceptance/moving on

Medic c we cant change our past and we cant live in it either,We must move forward,We all did ridiculous and stupid things when we were drinking,People take time to see if you are really serious about changing your ways and the end of the day it is up to you,In this case actions speak louder than words.

[Kimberley]

self-acceptance/moving on

Hey Med,

I struggled with this for a very long time. I was advised that time would heal it but I found that didn't work for me. What has worked is taking action, consciously choosing to become a better person and to atone for some of the past if you can.

Acceptance was something that eluded me for a long, long time, but I realised that it all comes down to doing what is effective. Yeah I could sit here and beat myself up constantly about the past and my issues, or I can choose to say 'You know what, there are reasons for what I did. I was ill and trying to survive as well as feed my addiction.' In abstinence you no longer have to worry about that because you can be totally accountable.

I have tried to make up for my past bad treatment of others - I never really did totally awful things, just mostly behaving inappropriately and letting people down. So I have taken some actual actions to make up for that, by showing up for life and giving time to others, and for those who have been most let down by me, doing specific things with those indiviuals.

I am now doing what is effective - and really that does NoT come easily for me at all!! I am aware f my past and my flaws, gently being aware of them and accepting them, slowly learning how I can change and moving the hell on.

Life is no fun lived dwelling on the past.

K x

[hillsidetime]

self-acceptance/moving on

Hi Medic, I truly understand what you mean. Mario and Kimberley have added some great thoughts.

Time doesn't heal, but for me, it has taken a little of the burning heat off of my feelings of guilt with the past. Like Kimberley says, the fact that I am building a new sober life, and doing things that I am proud of, that is what is helping me accept my past. Some days I have to repeat to myself, that even a good man can have a bad day; and I did, when I hit rock bottom. I am by no means done this process, but I feel that I have made some progress.

Your line about wanting equilibrium is a very well written line, and I connect with it a great deal.

Keep fighting the battle, and I hope you, and all of us, make progress on this important and difficult issue.
Hill

[medic]

self-acceptance/moving on

I appreciate everybody's response. Thank you. Unfortunately I'm abnormal so I don't/can't snap out of the fear cycle which keeps me back. It is me. My drinking is my reprieve from self-harm. Everytime I try to talk to those who I have hurt I just create more hurt so I have gave up. Yet there's nothing I can do since I live with them and am responsible for them. The hated caretaker. There's a new one!

[spuddleduck]

self-acceptance/moving on

medic, if youre abnormal so am i... and probably many others here. the fear cycle is exactly what keeps a lot of us drinking. a relief from the horrible feelings of crappiness that drinking brings..... and so it goes on. i dont think talking to the people you have hurt actually helps as they will be expecting the worse of you... and will most likely get it if you keep drinking. i think actions speak louder than words. i was delighted last year after a sober spell when a friend invited me out and said 'its great to have YOU back' nothing more was said but i know exactly what was meant by it.