choose to be happy

[spuddleduck]

yep, we are all here for the same reason. we have problems with alcohol.... we can all do it ,, look at the people here who post who are long time sober. we all have crap stuff going on...... but we have a choiice..... make that choice ...... to be happy.... and sober... xxx spuds.. trying very hard and hoping you are with me x

[rubywillow]

choose to be happy

Right next to you Spuds.

[medic]

choose to be happy

Isn't that the whole dilemma though; having shit stuff going on and dealing with it by drinking?

I'm not singling you out Spuds, by any means. It's just I keep reading this stuff in books and online about CHOOSING to be happy. I think it's frankly a load of middle-upper class-guru-bollocks. I can't afford therapy!

People who are living paycheck to paycheck and really in the chaos of daily survival with real problems rarely have this kind of choice and before anybody quotes Viktor Frankyl, I've read the book and I do understand the origins of this kind of fundamental choice....

...but still - unless you are living in the concentration camp, shut up.

[medic]

choose to be happy

re: ...but still - unless you are living in the concentration camp, shut up.

I apologise for this comment. I guess I'm venting. I'm very frustrated because I cannot choose to be happy. I'm incapable no matter what anybody says. How do you choose? Guide me, for God's sake...

[Ringing Cedars]

choose to be happy

Hi Medic, I hear your frustration and can sure empathize with you. I've had 10 years of extreme difficulty in my life and many times I felt there was nothing left to be happy about. I often had to make that conscious effort or choice to feel blessed (some might call that happy). In the end it is the only thing that someone can't take away from us in life. Find the simplest things to be appreciative of--like simply being able to find MWO and keep building on that.

[Lavande]

choose to be happy

medic,

Take a look at this website:
The ToDo Institute: Mindfulness, Procrastination, and Gratitude using Morita and Naikan Therapies

I have been a member there for years but you can do a lot of free reading.
Developing a true sense of Gratitude helped me change my thinking about everything! Trust me when I say I have had more than my share of brutal BS to deal with in the last 15 years of my life (including a near fatal head injury almost 11 years ago & my husband of 37 years just walking away last year with no explanation or warning). I am choosing to remain happy & grateful for the wonderful things I do have in my life including 3 young grandkids, healthy & happy adult children, etc.

medic - it is always your choice & only your choice to make!!
Feeling sorry for myself is what triggered my drinking career & I choose to never let that happen to me again

Lav

[rubywillow]

choose to be happy

It's horrible to feel so desperate. I know. Sometimes it's like why the hell try. But there IS hope. There is a world out there. It may be small, or unlimited, but it's there. If I had no one in my life, I'm not sure what or where I'd be. I'm VERY blessed, with my children and grands, and I know and appreciate that. I've lost SO much time, with drinking, and damaged myself physically, so these days, I try to love and appreciate every day. I'm older than most people here. And I understand that my days are finite. Regrets are useless, but if I'd found this place, and my great friends here, a decade ago, I'd have so many more GOOD memories. Medic, it's never too late to grab happiness. We DO choose the world we live in, in the long run. And like my buddy Edelweiss said, I choose to be happy, today and hopefully tomorrow.

[spuddleduck]

choose to be happy

medic i totally hear you. now when i posted this i had been coping with a depressed suicidal mr spuds. i remebered something that a friend of mine emailed me ages ago when i was downdowndown in a pit of misery. it was one of those 'pompous middle class bollocks' things. at the time i read it and printed it out. not that much thought given to it. but it popped into my mind with mr spuds so i got it out and read it to him. made no effing difference to him.... he just passed out. but it kind of spoke to me a bit. ok you cant 'choose to be happy' but you can choose to do things that will help you feel happier.. ie (for me) stop drinking, learn to cope with certain emotions, do tiny little things things that make me happy (could be as daft as making a nice meal).

as far as guidance.... cant really help as im still trying. i couldnt afford therapy, but i did get some cbt therapy on the nhs (unfortunately this was after a self harming incident that ended up in hospital). hopefully things dont have to go this far though. we all have crap going on, some more than others but i think its how we deal with it.. im still very much learning. oh and medic..... feel free to vent, you know i wont take offence ...... unless im in a mood with myself

[Guitarista]

choose to be happy

Hi Spud's. I'm with you too!

Hi Medic.

When i was drinking, i was not happy. When i stopped drinking, and removed alcohol completely from my system, body chemistry, my life, (including no drinking on w/kend's, no moderation) i had nothing really to be that happy about, except of course the sense of achievement in doing that perhap's. What i found though, was i felt good. Naturally felt good within my body. This is how we are designed to be feeling. But, i don't take any medication's for anything, so i don't know how any regular meds would effect how i would feel alcohol free. So if you're unhappy, and you're booze free, then something's not right. Some folk's here have reported being depressed and feeling crap for a few months into being AF before the fog lifted, for other's, it's a few day's. If you are drinking, moderately or not, then you have not usual level's of anxiety and depression to deal with daily too, as you know.

Removing the booze completely from my life, and being pro-active in my new found sobriety, was the foundation for everything else. And a grand cliche that is.

Hang in there bro'!

Best wishes to you Spud!

[sunshinetoday]

choose to be happy

Hi Medic,
There are rare times when I get in a funk and I feel like I can not be happy. It's almost as if my mind is having a negative party about EVERYTHING. I just coast it out and start again the next day. I am a firm believer that I can not change what happens (in most situations,) but I can change my attitude. I regularly take stock of my life and count the things that I have to be grateful for. I don't know. I guess I'm just letting you know I identify with some days where my mood controls me, and it is not always a good mood.

I hope for happiness today, tomorrow, and the next!

[Hypernova]

choose to be happy

Phew

This is tough. I truly get it b/c I don't feel there is a 'choice' to be happy or feel good. IMO if you could choose happiness then you could choose to be unhappy(depression is what I'm talking about). It is more of a process of steps and yes choices mixed in with gratitude and humility. I say this as I sit here in a miserable state and know that I must go through the process again!!! I was and have been fine many times but I always turn back and think that booze can help me. It does for a bit. I don't feel like I choose to drink rather that I am looking for something to relieve my suffering. AL is a clever thief of life and disguised as your friend is there to lend a hand. I don't want this post to go on but just want to vent that I had a major surgery couple months ago. Doing fine and was not drinking but then got back to it and now am depressed and tired of fighting and don't seem to care if I drink or not. I know for me it is just a waiting game until I finally decide life is worth living (who knows when that happens) and then realize that I can not live well with the drinking and do not seem to be able to moderate. Until then I sit in my #$@$%. Own 100% of my life and know that when I feel reasonably better I will choose to improve my life however I can. I may fail but I will try. I feel the pain and will say a prayer that we all may find our way.
Peacefully yours

[rubywillow]

choose to be happy

Such great, well-thought out posts. I'm no Pollyanna. There's been my share of suffering, but so much joy, in my life. It hurts to see the pain I read in other's posts, and it's so obvious to me I can't give advice to others from my own particular position. We have such different experiences. BUT, how CAN I help you? I can only say there is a big, different world out there. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to get out of our rut, and look for the first little thing that makes us happy. It's also so hard to help ourselves and someone else, when we have so much personal work to do on ourselves. One thing I truly believe, is that we can't help anyone else until we feel right about ourselves. I learned that in the one rehab I went to, and it was another blessing. SO many lessons there. How can we fix others when we're broken?
I'm wishing you the very best, and would love to hear from you if you want. I don't have answers, nor judgements. I've done the worst things, but have been so blessed that no one but me was hurt during that time. I seriously hurt myself, and there were medical complications I could have blamed, but the consequences of hurting someone else would have been too much for me to bear. Again, no perfection, no illusions about who and what I am, but just an honest desire to help, if I can.

[QuitinTime]

choose to be happy

Medic, I can identify - I'm not a very positive thinking person although I understand the principle that you are what you think. THink positive and act positive and do it long enough it will have an effect. One of the books I'm working with on all kinds of addictions says to focus on your values and also something in your life thats more important to you either positively or negatively than AL. The story goes a man (with a drinking problem) had just made an important sale and went to the hotel bar to have some drinks to celebrate. While sitting at the bar his client had come in to have dinner at the restaurant part and saw him at the bar. Instead of waving the client gave him a disappointed look. The man looked at his drink and then put it down. He'd felt great about making the sale and didn't want to jeopardize it. His skill and career meant more than a drink. He quit then and there.

That doesn't happen to everyone but it does happen to enough people. There are millions who have quit drinking without therapy or groups. You just don't hear about them. It is an interesting concept that just maybe we are our own worst enemies and by changing focus to our health, career, family, God, whatever it will help us crawl out of any addiction cycle whether it be cigarettes, booze, eating or whatever...

Thats my two cents - hope it helps.

[rubywillow]

choose to be happy

QT, my oldest, best friend's husband quit smoking the day his father died of lung cancer. My father quit AL and tobacco after his first major medical experience. Others I knew, one who died a few months ago, continued on their chosen, self-harming path, to the end. It is so complicated. No one has THE answer. Support is the best, but it is, ultimately, the most personal of choices in battles. I can say that tho we have to live in reality, negativity will keep us unhappy, and ultimately destroy our lives.

[Hypernova]

choose to be happy

rubywillow;1111857 wrote: I can say that tho we have to live in reality, negativity will keep us unhappy, and ultimately destroy our lives.

This is true Ruby. So now as I am on my first day AF I will remember your words. Thank you and I may not be the happiest but I surely do not want to destroy myself. I would love to learn to truly enjoy the rest of the days I am given. Thanks again.