what's the point?

[dove]

So I posted yesterday that I am ready to really make a choice to not drink to excess anymore. Set limits and stick to them...grow up already....etc., etc.

But then thinking this morning what's the point of doing all that work? I drink to excess because I enjoy being drunk. And am I going to learn to enjoy cutting myself off? No, the only point to work at being a moderate drinker is for other people...so other people can see that I am drinking with them.

I do enjoy good wine and good beer...actually enjoy the taste, yes. So there could be a point to moderating there...because I do enjoy the taste.

I guess I was just thinking this morning how I enjoy being drunk so I am not going to enjoy moderating.

I actually do enjoy being sober too though.

I am now middle aged and have been a binge drinker since high school. I don't want the rest of my life to be like the past...I really want to buckle down and turn over a new leaf.

PLEASE BY SOME GRACE OF GOD DON'T EVER LET ME GET BLACKOUT DRUNK AGAIN!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!

[dove]

what's the point?

thanks molly. i've known about my trouble with alcohol for at least 5 years now....5 YEARS!!!???? AND I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO CHANGE????!!! REALLY????!!!!! i must be some kind of idiot! knowing about the problem and actually doing something about it are two very different things. i try to tell myself it's ok because i have cut down the amounts of drinking binges but that is not really anything i have had to work at...just a reflection of lack of time due to school and work constraints. ok, new leaf...new leaf...new leaf....i think i can, i think i can, i think i can.

i really need the little voice in my head that is telling me i am just going to fail so why even try to shut the hell up!

[rubywillow]

what's the point?

There comes a point where some people CANNOT mod at all. And if you've been black out drunk, even once, INMO you have passed that point.
I would suggest you read stories here and on the web of what people have suffered from AL poisoning, and AL withdrawal. The stories of their losses because of AL. We have lost people here from suicide; I've personally lost 4 friends and acquaintances in the last year or so of substance abuse related causes. You can be on one of two sides of those stories; reading or being read about. Let me know if I can help you please.

[dove]

what's the point?

thanks ruby. i really wish there was a way to talk to everyone here in person and not just on the computer. i try to voice my wants to my husband who, although he agrees that i shouldn't drink to excess anymore, just usually rolls his eyes at me because i always end up drinking to excess the 'next' time. he just thinks its words i guess and they mean nothing to him. so...he expects me to fail and i expect me to fail and so i do....

[rubywillow]

what's the point?

Where are you dove?

[dove]

what's the point?

sunny south, usa just like you! going to the beach here soon....

[Doggygirl]

what's the point?

My life got a lot easier when I stopped trying to control something that I simply cannot control (drinking) and started just not drinking. For me, not drinking is possible. Controlled drinking is smply not.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[hart]

what's the point?

Dove. I too can't mod. I just lost my dad, and I went on a binge like you've never seen. I ended up having a grand mal at work!

I don't want to spend the money. Joe is working all nite so he has to be AF. And I don't want to spend my life either being sick or being drunk. There really is more to life.

[dove]

what's the point?

thanks all! you all have told me this all before about not being successful with modding....sorry about your dad hart. i know there is more to life because i have way more sober days than drunk ones....it's just the excess of drunkenness (and blackouts) that seems to come much sooner than it used to...probably because i don't drink more than once a week anymore and have no tolerance anymore. i think i can drink like i used to when i was drinking everyday - fast and lots - and i get in trouble because of it. like i've said in times past, i have never given myself limits and tend to hang with others that do the same.

but really, what's the point of just having two drinks just to have two drinks? i don't really see a point to drinking alcohol except to get drunk and a couple drinks is just not enough for that! why not drink something nutritious or coffee or tea?

[Doggygirl]

what's the point?

Dove, that's the way I see it too. I fought and fought for years to try to limit myself to a drink or two. It never worked. It took me a long time to realize I don't even WANT a drink or two. Never did. I just wanted to get smashed.

I love not having to worry about it any more. Zero drinks is an easy number. No thinking about it, no worrying about it, no broken promises to myself. Next subject.

DG

[mydogmax]

what's the point?

My first time here- or anywhere with this kind of thing. Yes, I drink. I really want to be able to control this, but I know now I can't. I'm on Campril, can't really say I'm much impressed with it. I loved my antibuse, No question there. Many a time I took it, and I knew I was safe. Now I can't get it. I was prescribed Campril by a Dr. who obviously had no idea what it was. I didn't know what it would do until I read the insert. WOW. It's gonna mess with my brain to make me feel better about not drinking. Or not make me want it as much. Well, like I said, I'm not impressed. I know, It take effort on my part too. Guess I was just looking for something like antibuse. I've been on the Campril for about 2 weeks now, and I've drank twice. I've never been (well not much) a falling down drunk, it's just that I can't seem to stop what little bit I DO drink. Anyway- looks like I don't have a problem with unloading on all you fine people, I hope I can find out where I left off tonight, so I can spout again. I look foward to a time I can be one of you that is celebrating a straight run of AF days.

[mydogmax]

what's the point?

:new:My first time here- or anywhere with this kind of thing. Yes, I drink. I really want to be able to control this, but I know now I can't. I'm on Campril, can't really say I'm much impressed with it. I loved my antibuse, No question there. Many a time I took it, and I knew I was safe. Now I can't get it. I was prescribed Campril by a Dr. who obviously had no idea what it was. I didn't know what it would do until I read the insert. WOW. It's gonna mess with my brain to make me feel better about not drinking. Or not make me want it as much. Well, like I said, I'm not impressed. I know, It take effort on my part too. Guess I was just looking for something like antibuse. I've been on the Campril for about 2 weeks now, and I've drank twice. I've never been (well not much) a falling down drunk, it's just that I can't seem to stop what little bit I DO drink. Anyway- looks like I don't have a problem with unloading on all you fine people, I hope I can find out where I left off tonight, so I can spout again. I look foward to a time I can be one of you that is celebrating a straight run of AF days.

[dove]

what's the point?

hey max! this is a great place that has helped a lot of people. i am not one of them yet bc i come here for a month or few months...do well during that time then leave and fall back into binge drinking....

there are a lot of very supportive people here!:welcome:

[Kaslo]

what's the point?

Just seeing this thread for the first time. I used to think I liked being drunk too, and liked the taste of AL but I was actually lying to myself. The whole thing was starting to make me sick. I was tired of the scene. I like DGs signature line a lot. We really delude ourselves right up to the gates of hell. It did take a long time to quit and I still struggle some days. Almost three months now. a drop in the bucket compared to some of the incredibly brave hardworking excellent people on here.