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    #1

    Me again....

    sorry!! I dip in and out of here far too infrequently! I've been drinking for 24hrs, wine, beer, wine again (I went to the shop as soon as it opened). My job is on the line, my relationship is on the line......

    I want my life back. 19 was the perfect age for me, I drove everywhere, no feelings of dependancy, no feelings of inadequecy (sp). I felt independant, no reliance, no intolerance. now look at me, 36 & nothing to show for it! I miss my old self, I hate what drink has done to me..... it's evil but i can't let go, or 'it' cant let go of me. Run's in families, apparantly!!!
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    #2
    Me again....

    Hi ToBeTrue , i read some of your earlier posts and you have got some great advice on them but if you want your life back its up to you to take it back , nothing is going to change if you keep doing the same thing day in day out week in week out. There is lot of ways to stop drinking talked about on this site (Will power, Meds or AA) everyone here will help you find your way out but only you can do it
    AF 5/jan/2011

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      #3
      Me again....

      Madmans...

      "madman" that's what I call my mum! You're right, I need to take my life back & I need to own it. It's so scary though, I've lived the 'best' years of my life through drink. Actually 'drunk'... How do you get passed that?

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        #4
        Me again....

        Really relate to this ToBeTrue! I'm nearly 33 and on the wine already this morning. I too do not come on here often enough. I'm supposed to be working! My job and relationship are both about to go thanks to the vino collapso (as my other half calls it). He can't bear to touch me...says were on two different levels 95% of the time (I'm always pissed). Know its ruining my life, and the years are just merging into each other. Gonna lose everything I care about but still can't stop reaching for the bottle. Happy, sad, angry, nervous, excited....I always have a glass in my hand.

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          #5
          Me again....

          you still have a lot of living to do , you can't change the past but you can learn from your mistakes . Right now your sitting feeling like shit with a very dark outlook on life but it's the poison sitting in front of you that's making you feel like that, pour it out , if someone made us feel that bad we would call the police have them in court. The first few days can be hard but after that things improve quickly, your outlook, your life, ask anyone here. Right now you don't think you can do this but you can don't waste any more time being drunk , you have your whole life to lead
          AF 5/jan/2011

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            #6
            Me again....

            I've made so many mistakes madmans, through the drink. Done things I can barely bring myself to think about. I did 3 days without a drop about 10 days ago, first time in years and years. Felt great on the 3rd day so why did I get pissed on the 4th? I just don't get it. Your right about having a dark outlook, and about things quickly improving. They do improve quickly TBT. Quicker than you think they will. it's amazing how much stronger you feel mentally after just a few days. I am going to try again, try with me?

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              #7
              Me again....

              Hi Stella , well done on your 3 days , its our old Alkie mind playing tricks on us telling us we are fine / we are good to drink again. you done 3 days you know you can do more, check out the Newbies Nest you will find lots of people starting out there and don't be afraid to post let people get to know you to help you
              AF 5/jan/2011

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                #8
                Me again....

                but the freedom and self esteem and love of life that sobriety brings are the priceless gifts we get in the end.
                Love this Sheri
                AF 5/jan/2011

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                  #9
                  Me again....

                  Thank you Sheri. Your words are very true, and I need to absorb all the advice I can get at the moment. I do not feel young though. I feel old and tired and helpless. I know there is still a strong person inside of me, I just need to find her again.

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                    #10
                    Me again....

                    Thanks mm. I will look at the newbie place. I don't want to leave here now tho! That is the state of me at the moment....clingy and needy!! I HATE booze!!

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                      #11
                      Me again....

                      TBT and Stella,
                      We are all here because we knew we needed a change in our life. That goes for both of you as well. It takes time to get there, and a lot of other things. Hang in there. If you want to head to the Newbies Nest https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ml#post1114102 you are welcomed with open arms. Glad you're here!

                      Ive learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. -Martha Washington

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                        #12
                        Me again....

                        sheri, those were great words: 'al is the worst relationship you'll ever have in your life.' i've never heard it said better.

                        stella, love your name. ToBeTrue, hello! i usually post over in the meds section, so haven't met you yet. hello to you and to all! i'm 41, a single mom, and still struggling with the al demon. i'm looking for words of wisdom in my head to share, as a slightly-older-than-you woman, and the best that i can come up with on the spot is: imagine yourself a few years older. how great it would feel, right?, to have been sober for a while. for months and months and months, perhaps. sober times seem to be the happiest, in my experience. (well, that's not very sagacious or eloquent, but it's what i got at the moment.) i know you must think about this already, in your own way.

                        stay strong. keep the desire to stop drinking and keep the faith that you can -and will- do it.

                        you're not alone. you're not a lost cause. you still have a lot of life to live, more so if you kick the habit. do yourself the kindness of doing just that. being 41 and alone and still hooked on the bottle is no fun. you can prevent that for yourself. find ways to do it. feel good. engage in activities that you LOVE (i find the physical ones the most rewarding). stay close to positive people. drink lots of water. (you must know that i'm telling myself each and every one of these words!) repair brain chemistry however possible (supps, exercise, good company, etc.). keep posting here. let us know how it goes. this is not a journey to be taken alone.

                        xoxoxo rudyb

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                          #13
                          Me again....

                          I just dumped out my beer. Was gonna drink a whole 'nother one, but re-read Shari's post and decided to kick the demon for a sec. Thanks for the deepening moment, there, Shari. I'll be increasingly sober for the rest of today. Wee Haw!

                          People here make a difference.

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                            #14
                            Me again....

                            Well done RudyB! I have not had a good week since posting. I the people I care about and want to keep in my life are getting fed up with me. One friend in particular has already distanced himself from me, which breaks my heart...but I'm to blame. I like your words about repairing brain chemistry....I soo need to do that!
                            Going to try again today. I will be out all day today, driving not drinking. When I get home at 6pm I will try not to reach straight for the bottle. Sheri, I hope today will be one of many I can remember with pride.
                            TooBeTrue...Hope your OK, try with me just for today. One day at a time. Xxx

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                              #15
                              Me again....

                              sunshinetoday;1114143 wrote: TBT and Stella,
                              We are all here because we knew we needed a change in our life. That goes for both of you as well. It takes time to get there, and a lot of other things. Hang in there. If you want to head to the Newbies Nest https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ml#post1114102 you are welcomed with open arms. Glad you're here!
                              Thank You Sunshinetoday!

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