why didnt i stop

[spuddleduck]

im a little puzzled at my latest drinking. thursday was my 'designated drinking' day. i have been giving myself 'permission' to drink 1 day a week.
i normally do this at home and arm myself with 3 bottles of wine, or 4 litres of cider. on thursday i was out for a daytrip in the car with mr spuds and my sister and mr sister. we had a lovely afternoon. i drank 2 pints of cider over a couple of hours and had a meal. the first half of cider made me feel good, after that i started to crave more. by the time i got home (no al for about an hour) i felt sleepy and didnt really want a drink (errrr unheard of). i had my wine by my side and started to drink it. felt no effect from it, in fact it was hard to get down... what did i do???? i forced myself, and drank it faster.... then it hit and the usual path was followed..... drink till pass out. next day i felt as crap as usual, mr spuds said i was much more 'normal' ie not behaving like a screaming banshee. but i still went down the same route. i know drinking fast is a big problem with me. basically i want the 'hit' asap. i guess i actually had the feeling that people get when they have a drink and then stop. unfortunately i seem to have it very deep set in my mind that i drink to get drunk. as my title says im a little puzzled as that could have been a stepping stone to holding back?!

[one2many]

why didnt i stop

Spud.

In all fairness, have you ever just thought that YOU JUST CANNOT DRINK???
This one day a week of allowing yourself to drink is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. You are just going around in circles and crashing and burning and still asking yourself why?..

DRINKING is a big problem for you, not just drinking fast...Why not just do yourself a favour and cut the crap and make a plan for 30 days for yourself? We are all here to help, because this is NOT working for you..surely you realise that?

[Guest]

why didnt i stop

spuddleduck;1114666 wrote: im a little puzzled at my latest drinking. thursday was my 'designated drinking' day. i have been giving myself 'permission' to drink 1 day a week.
i normally do this at home and arm myself with 3 bottles of wine, or 4 litres of cider. on thursday i was out for a daytrip in the car with mr spuds and my sister and mr sister. we had a lovely afternoon. i drank 2 pints of cider over a couple of hours and had a meal. the first half of cider made me feel good, after that i started to crave more. by the time i got home (no al for about an hour) i felt sleepy and didnt really want a drink (errrr unheard of). i had my wine by my side and started to drink it. felt no effect from it, in fact it was hard to get down... what did i do???? i forced myself, and drank it faster.... then it hit and the usual path was followed..... drink till pass out. next day i felt as crap as usual, mr spuds said i was much more 'normal' ie not behaving like a screaming banshee. but i still went down the same route. i know drinking fast is a big problem with me. basically i want the 'hit' asap. i guess i actually had the feeling that people get when they have a drink and then stop. unfortunately i seem to have it very deep set in my mind that i drink to get drunk. as my title says im a little puzzled as that could have been a stepping stone to holding back?!

There is one simple answer to this not everyone likes labels, but it's because you are an alcoholic - or if you prefer addicted to alcohol. As soon as you bring alcohol into your body you set off a craving reaction(which you noticed with the cider), but by the time you'd got home it had probably passed. Sounds as if you decided it was however your day to drink, so might as well make the most of it. I've been like that so many times, as soon as I give permission for myself to drink I think "Sod it, might as well get as much as I can down me neck". I'd call all of this "Alcoholic thinking!", it's also classic binge drinking for the sake of it.

I'll also go with what one2many is saying, you simply cannot drink alcohol in safety.

[ATLThrash]

why didnt i stop

Spuds-- Lord knows I have had enough problems with the drinking but maybe what I have discovered so far can help you. When I first thought I was drinking too much I tried to moderate my drinking. I made alot of arbitrary rules like no drinking Monday through Thursday, no drinking before 5 p.m., etc. For me the permission lead to what you described-- on the designated day or days I would drink more than usual and feel much worse about it. Every time I did it it was further proof for me that the old feeling I got from drinking that was guilt free etc would never happened. It was a long experiment but I pretty much proved to myself that I just can't drink. like you, once I start there is no off switch most of the time. I am not sure how you are on days or times when you don't drink. For me, at first I did think about it-- but as time went on that was less and less. My issue was not the frequency of when I drank (though at times that was an issue) but the off switch. I had to finally accept that I can't do it. If you are able to successfully figure out how to turn your switch off that is great. But if you think you never can-- that is fine too.

Did you watch the Rain in my Heart documentary? There was a guy on there who would drink so fast once he got started-- I thought of myself when I looked at that. He could go AF for periods of time but then he would just chug. I totally sympathize and empathize with you, Spuds. I too spent and still at times spend alot of time trying to figure out when drinking changed for me and why. I finally figured out that I knew one thing-- things had changed and the aftermath of drinking was going to make me feel bad (if not physically then mentally EVERY SINGLE TIME)-- since I proved that to myself what I need to do has become clearer. Good luck Spuds-- I am rooting for you

[spuddleduck]

why didnt i stop

oney and ukb... yep you have both said it perfectly.
oney, i know my weekly drink is a recipe for disaster. i had a wonderful 3 months sober last year and why would i ever want to put myself though the drinking crap again.?? i think i got overwhelmed with the idea of not ever drinking again, but why that should be a problem i dont know. i no longer socialise with drinkers or even feel i ever had a good time drinking (obviously apart from the early days)
ukb, i hate it but i do acknowledge that i am an alcoholc ( i wont even give it the nice idea of problem drinker). i think the fact that it was my drinking day i decided that i was gonna drink.. as hard as i could. i love sheri's post about 'junkie thining' i have it pinned to my fridge door. did i read it and digest. obviously not. i let my programming get the better of me.

thanks for your input. i think i only posted to get confirmation of what i already know. i can not drink ..... period. still gotta work out how to do it for good

[one2many]

why didnt i stop

Hey Spud, one day at a time....thats all you can do for now....stop thinking long term, join one of the 30 day threads, ( Ruby has a good one going)....do not think of 2moro, the next day or the next week when you have a party...just think of today and commit to " I will NOT drink today".

Log on here and USE us..ok???

[Lavande]

why didnt i stop

Spud,

In all honesty, if I decided to drink today I would probably do the same damn thing!!! I would drink very fast & not stop until I dropped! For me there is no possibility of controlling AL once it enters my system. Obviously, the same applies to you.

You need to accept that you cannot drink safely - ever!

Make the right choice for yourself :l

[Ringing Cedars]

why didnt i stop

Hey Spuds--just read your post---my biggest concern for you is your diabetes and the quantity you allow yourself once a week. If you need to plan a once per week allowance please, please only one bottle. Always your best interest at heart dear Polly. xo

[mario]

why didnt i stop

Hi spuds how you doing,make any plans yet ?