An Antidote for Lonliness

[Doggygirl]

Hi everyone. I am subscribed at Hazelden -- Addiction Treatment Center to an e-mail daily recovery reading. The message for today was very powerful for me, and speaks to a topic that I have experienced and that I read a lot about here. That topic is lonliness.

For me, the "party" of my drinking was quite superficial for years. My "friends" were not deep and lasting friends - we were only friends as far as we enabled each others excessive drinking. In the later years of my drinking, I pretty much abandoned the farse of "drinking with friends" and really preferred to drink at home alone, in complete isolation. My favorite days were those where my husband was gone and I had no place I had to be, and could just drink unfettered until I passed out. (and often, wake up and do that again - more than once in a day).

Getting the AL out of my life did not magically fix my lonliness. That has been a work in process. The suggestion given in this reading has been very instrumental in helping me get out into to the world again and begin truly connection with people.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The crisis of our time . . . is a crisis not of the hands but of the hearts.
--Archibald MacLeish

We singlemindedly search for love, for belonging, for affirmation from others that will wipe out the torment of alienation that haunts our wakefulness and our dreams. "Does he truly care?" we wonder. "Did she try to call as she said?" Our fears, coupled with our loneliness, turn us inward and the seduction of isolation tightens its hold.

Our hearts plead, sometimes silently, other times hysterically, for comfort. And paradoxically, another's crisis can end our own. If we can hear the call from another's heart today, our own hearts will discover the comfort we crave.

If we look closely and with love toward the people so carefully placed in our midst, we'll discover many hearts, like our own, searching for acceptance.

Let's relieve our haunting alienation and extend a hand in love to a lonely friend today.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Helping others here, through AA, and through other community volunteer work has been such a gift in my life. I hope someone else who reads this today will decide to give volunteer work a try to see if it helps.

Strength in recovery to all,

DG

[mario]

An Antidote for Lonliness

Thanks for this doggygirl,

I can sure relate to the drinking with :friends: for my drinking.

[RudyB]

An Antidote for Lonliness

doggygirl,
that's a lovely post, thank you.
i, too, have been a solitary drinker. it's flippin lonely. and that's partly why i drink. (someday i'll say 'drank'.) i, too, have noticed that when i am in my sober periods, not only do i get out more into the world, but i also enjoy people more. i'm able to be present to them in a way that i can't when i'm thinking about drinking, and how i have to do that alone. argh. and yay! i'm on my way to sobriety, and feel i have so much to look forward to.

[Doggygirl]

An Antidote for Lonliness

Mario, I only wanted to hang out with VERY heavy drinkers - so I wouldn't feel "that bad." I pushed away anyone who cared about me that didn't drink like a fish.

RudyB, you do have a lot to look forward to!

DG

[sunshinetoday]

An Antidote for Lonliness

DG,
Thank you for posting this. I believe that we all want acceptance in one form or another. I always have, and always will. Only now I only need my own acceptance for my happiness. I think it is important to extend the gift of oneself to others in selfless actions (i.e. volunteering.) The effect we have on others can be touching and perhaps completely unbeknown to the ourselves. Thanks again.

[looking for peace]

An Antidote for Lonliness

Thank you Doggygirl for such a great post. It was so timely for me. I feel the exact same way, have very similar drinking patterns. I am much better since joining MWO, but not AF by a long way. My pattern tends to be one or two heavy days (4-6 drinks) of drinking, one or two days of 1-3 drinks and 1-2 days of no drinking (per week). Yesterday was an AF day

I feel really lonely and bored when I don't drink and don't know how to get out of it so I tend to fall back to trying to drown the loneliness. Moving 3 times in my adult life hasn't helped. I did sign up for a volunteer opportunity this Thursday that I wasjust going to blow off, until a read your post. I thought I was too busy but I will make time for this.

I think being connected instead of isolating is something that we have to do. Thanks again

[Doggygirl]

An Antidote for Lonliness

Looking for peace, I'm glad you went ahead and signed up. AL never cured my own boredom or lonliness, no matter how many zillions of times I tried that. Also, connections never fell right into my lap - sober or not. I have to get out of my comfort zone and go seek. To me, the reward has been immense.

I will add that I made attempts to volunteer while I was still deep in my active alcoholism. That really never worked either because at that time, I was just possessed with the craving and urge to drink. ANY other committments just interfered with that. For me, I had to first quit drinking. BUT - I also had to recognize that the AL was CAUSING my boredom and lonliness. Not the other way around. I was not drinking because I was bored and lonely. I was drinking because I'm an alcholic and that's what addicted people just do (any excuse will work). I became isolated as a result.

Once I stopped drinking, I had to find my way out of that isolation, boredom and lonliness. That is where volunteer work took on meaning for me, and I can see now that when I reach out to help others I am helping myself also.

Strength and hope,

DG