feel like i don't belong here

[choice]

feel like i don't belong here

I think if your here and not "as bad" as some of the stories you read that is a great thing. One of the reasons I like MWO is because the topic of drinking is discussed, and not just brushed under the rug. When I came here I wasn't sure I fit in at all. I thought the people here had real problems too and I was a superficial distraction..... wining about what seamed like small troubles when I compared myself to others. I needed help and support and I drank a lot less then most people I read about. I just had some real concerns and regrets about my behavior during and after drinking. (All normal... stuff... not doom or rock bottom) I just got sick of feeling insecure about loosing control, and I wasn't "that bad"... depending on who?

When I stopped a lot of people wondered why because they drank either the same as me or more. I got a lot of "your being too hard on yourself".... It wasn't until MWO that I could figure out what I wanted to do. If your happy with how alcohol plays a role in your life and your having fun I'm not sure if you'd be visiting a site like this. I know when I was having a blast... (or thought I was) I wouldn't be here.

[dove]

feel like i don't belong here

the thoughts going round in my head...

i guess i've just been looking around my workplace and noticing that most of the people there go out and get drunk on occasion and many about once a week...i am not friends with these people and did not choose to be around them by choice so it is not like i chose to be around people with 'drinking problems'. so...is it not normal to go out on friday at the end of the work week and get drunk? do all of these people have drinking problems? (the easy answer to this is "well, maybe they do!", however, i really don't believe they do!)

[mario]

feel like i don't belong here

Dove Imo your looking & comparing yourself to a lot of other people,Of course there are people who can go out and get drunk,of course there are people who can go to a pub or whatever and have a few drinks every night,In fact I might be wrong but I would thing the majority of people who drink alcohol are doing ok and are quite happy with there lifestyle and it does not effect the way they live,Its your life and health you want to be worried about and only you know whether you are having problems with alcohol.make your self a priority dont be comparing yourself like for like.

[mario]

feel like i don't belong here

Re the grass is always greener in your location tab,

It is an expression that refers to another place, or situation, being better than the one you are in. (or seemingly better)
to break it down:
greener grass, means better grass. The other side, is the side you are not on.

People want what the can't have or in this case, don't have. ;-)

[nancy]

feel like i don't belong here

cutting back

I think getting drunk every week can be normal for people in their teens and twenties and some go beyond that.

There's a huge spectrum of drinking problems and like any medical problem, the treatment/strategy should fit the problem.

Getting drunk once in a while/binge drinking, while not nearly as bad as having to go to rehab, is embarrassing and could one day cause you a big problem with work colleagues or in your relationships. Or there might be a drinking and driving incident. You never know. No wonder you are scared because at times you are getting out of control. And you obviously don't like that.

I agree that you should go to the moderating thread on this site and make a conscious effort to not get drunk again. If you can't stick to that, ask yourself why. Maybe seek therapy to find out why you need this release once in a while.

You don't have to have as bad a problem as everyone else here to get some insight.

[dove]

feel like i don't belong here

you're right mario...i have to do what is right for me and me only.

it is so hard not to compare myself to other people though. that is engrained in me as having been raised in the U.S. (always wanting to show up the next guy so have to compare - bigger, better...and bigger!!!), a woman in the U.S. (am I skinnier, prettier, have better clothes, and more jewelry than *her* - so have to compare) and it is just my nature to be VERY competitive (probably why i have succeeded at my career to this point - have to ALWAYS be comparing myself to others and doing 'better').

so when it comes to drinking habits i have no other place to go other than to compare myself to others and that may never change.

on another note...a week and a half without a blackout! realizing one of my main problems...in addition to just gulping drinks (i know, main problem) everytime i blackout i haven't eaten much of anything that day....yesterday ate well and went out for dinner with drinks and did well.

and yes, always looking for the greener grass...feels so much better on barefeet than brown crumbly grass!

[Doggygirl]

feel like i don't belong here

mollyka;1116642 wrote: Dove, I've been reading this thread with interest. I'm not sure what age you are, I'm 54, have been drinking since I was about 15. I always drank more than most people I knew - the girls anyway, but I never had a 'problem'(????). Never had a row, a health problem, a DUI, lost a job, failed an exam, nothing, was grand. When I hit about 40 -45 tho my drinking did start creeping up and then when in the middle of a family crisis, I let it spiral madly - hence I'm here. However, now that I'm sober I look back on that 'perfect functioning life' - and jeez, there were warning signs there for a very long time, big 'holes' in my life, where instead of being perfectly functional - I could have soared.
I wish I'd come here 20 yrs ago - but I didn't, so now I feel younger, happier and freer than I have for a very long time. Just my experience tho - for what it's worth
Molly

Molly. Are we twins?????? :l

I too never experienced the most obvious outward signs - no DUI's, lost homes, lost marriages, lost jobs (well, almost a lost job in the end LOL) over AL. Lots of luck there - especially re: no DUI's. I just ended up isolated with my bottle by my late 40's and wanting to kill myself. I too feel so free now and wish I had kicked AL to the curb long long ago. What might have been - I will never know. I sure don't wish those wasted and semi-wasted years on anyone else.

DG

[akgirl]

feel like i don't belong here

Just my two cents..... but I absolutely hate how AL is portrayed. If you buy into it yeah, its normal to have drinks, get drunk on occasion. I mean you are considered weird if you don't. Its totally acceptable, you can't watch tv without seeing it everywhere. Movies like the hangover...I mean please....really?

But the fact of the matter is, its poison and damages your body, plain and simple.


Not preaching just my opinion

[madmans]

feel like i don't belong here

akgirl;1116667 wrote: Just my two cents..... but I absolutely hate how AL is portrayed. If you buy into it yeah, its normal to have drinks, get drunk on occasion. I mean you are considered weird if you don't. Its totally acceptable, you can't watch tv without seeing it everywhere. Movies like the hangover...I mean please....really?

But the fact of the matter is, its poison and damages your body, plain and simple.


Not preaching just my opinion

This is so true, i was at a communion party last Sat , Drink was flowing , two people there that had to drive spent the day drinking non alcoholic beer just to 'fit in' . we are constantly been told it's normal to drink to the point we feel abnormal when we don't drink.

[Doggygirl]

feel like i don't belong here

I get frustrated too over the glammed up portrayl of AL and the pressure for folks to drink. I just refuse to buy into it these days. I don't drink and I don't need to feel ashamed or "less than" because of it.

I think what helps me is that many of my extended family members are non-drinkers. To my knowledge, for most of them it's due to personal reasons other than being alcoholic. (i.e. religious reasons, or whatever). I see how comfortable they are not drinking. They just don't drink. They would never dream of feeling embarrassed or "less than" because other people are drinking and they aren't. If non-alcoholic people can not drink and feel fine about it, then so can I.

These days I really prefer social situations that are not alcohol centric. I don't care if drinking is going on as a secondary thing - just not drinking as the "main event." That just bores me.

DG

[choice]

feel like i don't belong here

This thread is really helpful. I just keep reading everyone's thoughts and all of it gets me thinking. It's hard not to compare myself to others to get some kind of bench mark as to where I fit in. Right now I don't feel like I do. So right now I'm just pretty focused on my health. Geesh, even my trainer said "when can we finally go out for celebratory wine?" because I've lost 35 pounds. She just doesn't seam to get it that I would never been able to do that if I hadn't quit the booze. She really said there is no way I'm an alcoholic because I don't have a red face. I still think she is great but I find it's a challenge to be a sober person fitting in right now. I am so aware of the media ever since I quit... it's pretty amazing how glamorous Al is portrayed. Black outs are really dangerous in so many ways. I don't know, that part of your post dove makes me hope you keep posting here and get support on what you decide to do. Best, choice

[DriftyAlison0]

feel like i don't belong here

Perhaps it is time for you to find a new trainer. People tend to see an alcoholic as a person who drinks a lot everyday. There are those like you who doesn't fit in the category and neither am I. Thing is, I know that I am becoming an alcoholic if I haven't gotten to the poin already which I believe that I am.

[Doggygirl]

feel like i don't belong here

If a paid professional in my life asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink, that would be OK once, maybe twice. If I declined and they kept it up, that would become quite annoying. If my paid professional then started to "diagnose" me in areas well outside of their expertise, I would find a new professional to pay.

I can relate to the sobriety being a baseline that allowed the fitness to happen. I too have improved my fitness and lost quite a bit of weight since sobering up. That was IMPOSSIBLE to achieve when I was drinking (due to the way I drink if I drink).

Funny - I just read an e-book by a pretty well known body builder and coach/mentor of such. He emphasizes in his book the importance of minimizing alcohol in ones diet - and he says none is the best. If one views nutritional intake as strictly for "nutrition" then alcohol adds nothing positive to the picture. Even if you buy the "benefits" of "one glass of red wine per week" type stuff, the professionals will say you can get that same benefit without the AL and from a better nutritional source.

So pestering a client to drink doesn't strike me as totally professional in that setting, frankly. Please don't feel "less than" because of this. Many many fitness buffs don't drink because they don't see it as healthy.

DG