My angry husband.

[gyco]

My angry husband.

hi autumn,i haven't written on this wall, does he have no faults,i have no sympathy for your spouse at all.as with my wife, the pasture always looks better on the other side,take the leap, i say ? he hung in there for a reason,drunk or not, and you said he didnt even notice your sobriety, he will one day, until you fall again, and you will, been there done it. but still it doesnt give us the rite to drink the way we did, i think it comes down to recognizing our mistakes and ask anyone,it will take a long time,ive been doing this start stop start thing since i was 45,im 58 now,i do wish you well,it will be a long agonizing journey with or without him gyco

[autumn]

My angry husband.

It's been a hmmmmmmmm day today. thanks every one for their support and advice, i didn't reply earlier because I had a lot of mulling over and thinking todo.

I spoke to Mr A and he doesn't want Alanon nor councelling at the mo. Well, I have to respect thats his choice and get back to focusing on me. I have today apologised for all the hurt i have put him through and we are now drawing a line under the past. we are going to try to really focus on going forward.

We made a pact, If I don't drink he wont get grumpy :H I'll remind him of that when he is next huffing, hurumphing and moaning in general about some trivial thing!!

Thanks all, you really helped and gave me something to think about today, heres to no more:upset: and hopefully more :H

x

[Doggygirl]

My angry husband.

Autumn, I think you really can go a long way to improving how the situation feels to you by just working on you and leaving him to worry about whatever he is worrying about or grumping about. The more I can just stay out of Mr. Doggy's moods when they have zero to do with me, the better things are.

Hope things get better!

DG

[autumn]

My angry husband.

Oh DG,

you have just made me really chuckle, I love the expression, stay out of Mr Doggys moods lol!

Reading that has just given me a light bulb moment, next time Mr A has a strop I am going to go to the gym. (i always promise I'll go tomorrow). But in future, I will smile sweetly, (pat him on the head) and take myself off and leave him to stew away :H

There, the answer is now clear lol and hey at this stroppy rate, I'll be back to size 10 in no time

[autumn]

My angry husband.

Staying serene and not cross with Mr A is the tough bit, because a couple of times his bad mood has made me so mad, then the voice of drinking starts up, telling me to stomp off to the pub. (It doesn't help that my local pub is across the road). So thats been part of the struggle, trying not to get wound up by his grumps.

[Doggygirl]

My angry husband.

autumn;1117141 wrote:

There, the answer is now clear lol and hey at this stroppy rate, I'll be back to size 10 in no time
:yougo:

mollyka;1117145 wrote: by the time I got back - sweetness and light

:wings:

We should write a new diet book. We would make millions! :H

DG

[dancingon]

My angry husband.

I agree with what the others have said. He may have been hurt by you, and it might be hard to get over, but if you're going to stay together you both have to learn different ways of relating to each other. He has to learn to believe in you.

It's very common for the partner of an alcoholic to be completely at sea when they are sober and back into living. For some reason it feels threatening. I've heard the same thing when obese people lose weight. Although their partners have been going on about their health and their food intake for years, suddenly there is this attractive person with a life who is no longer dependent on them for a social life.

Would he go to couples counselling, rather than alcohol counselling?
Also, would he go on the forum on here for families of alcoholics? I'm not sure if there's anyone on there who is with someone who is now AF, but he might put that question out there and see what pops up.

[autumn]

My angry husband.

Morning Dancingon,

He is very overwhelmed by the new me, and I guess his quiet life has gone, as I was quite happy drinking myself into a coma whilst he went out and had a life. Now I feel that I have found my voice and can't be blamed for everything, he's kinda lost as to where to channel his anger and frustration.

We went to counselling last year when I was first trying to quit. They were good on other issues, but he found it so utterly uncomfortable opening up to a stranger.

I have just found out some couples counselling offer a live 'email' session for people who feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger so I will look into that. I will Definitely show him the forum here on families and then leave him to make a choice.

I had a lovely PM last night from a guy explaining how when he sobered up, his wife still felt very left behind trapped in the chaotic world the wake of alcohol had created. I have learn't alot from asking this question, especially it will take time for us all to heal in our own way.